


The Relevance of Touch

by MuscleMemory



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Action & Romance, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Catarina Loss/Dorothea "Dot" Rollins, Background Clary Fray/Maia Roberts, Background Lydia Branwell/Isabelle Lightwood, Background Relationships, Background Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Burns, Dark Past, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional Sex, F/F, Falling In Love, Found Family, Happy Ending, Human Experimentation, Humans being used for sinister stuff, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of animals being abused in the past but they are fine and happy now, Mentions of bomb threats, Sexual Content, Shooting Guns, Some fun and fluff too, Strangers to Lovers, Supernatural Abilities, Trauma, Unlikely Friendships, mentions of explosions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 68,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26300998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuscleMemory/pseuds/MuscleMemory
Summary: This story is about how two groups of misfits and found families, cross paths, work, and grow together as they find, and fight their common enemy in a corrupt city, where human experiments, and supernatural abilities are the norm. Two people's chance encounter changes everything. Love happens.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 131
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i am posting a brandnew fic, either... 
> 
> i started writing this just to get back into writing at all, which was so very hard, but this new idea was overpowering, so i tried to leave every expectation and doubt and pressure behind... 
> 
> and i tried to be nicer to myself, and it turned into much more than i wanted it to be, and i love it much more than i thought i would, with all its flaws, and there are many, but i'm trying my best to just see the accomplishment, it's free after all, so please, if you read this, be forgiving, and if you like it, it would be wonderful if you'd let me know, but never any pressure! 
> 
> i have finished about 3/4 of it, why i am posting it once a week now, coz it should give me plenty of time to finish it and i feel confident right now... i can't say how many chapters there will be, yet, but i have at least 6 now, so maybe 8/9 at most. we'll see... and as soon as i know, i'll change the chapter number.
> 
> this story is very different from what i've written so far, i think, and it's probably very niche... i don't know, but it's another part of what i LOVE and i missed these characters so much, especially malec, can't deny it, they're still my everything and i'm so grateful i have them always, and can still make them fall in love in a hundred different ways haha 
> 
> but i also love the others, and have been quite surprised with what my mind made of some of them, but i like it all a lot. 
> 
> The warning for graphic violence is mostly a precaution because, at least so far, there is no graphic violence, but their pasts are all horrible and there are some descriptions, so better to be safe than sorry... also finding this too hard to tag, if i missed anything, let me know...
> 
> Thanks to the friends who encouraged me so much, and are supportive and kind and lovely always, and thanks very much to my parabeta, AlyxHavok, for still being by my side, and checking for all those mistakes, etc, as well!

“He’s here to kill us, what else?” 

The sun is setting outside of the cement block that is this building they’re occupying right now. Streams of light are crossing their faces as Magnus watches each one of them closely.

The woman with the long, black hair, and dark eyes, who has been watching him with an intent gaze, layered with surprise, recognition, and caution. And the blonde woman who’s not strayed from her side, giving her secret looks that speak of concern and fondness. 

His eyes flick back to the brown woman with black curls who spoke just now, her eyes sharp, and unkind, her hand placed on her hip where a weapon is concealed, no doubt, ready to fight him even though he is firmly shackled to the chair. 

She is wise to not trust these shackles. He can acknowledge her intellect, and quick-wittedness. She isn’t wrong, either. He could have come to kill them. But today he didn’t.

The red-headed girl has a hand on the other woman’s shoulder, whispering something to her, and Magnus thinks those two might also be just a tad too familiar. These renegades are a rather interesting bunch, and he has already learned quite a lot about them. 

The blonde man next to the women is much like himself, a weapon created by man, to destroy man. He was once sent to eliminate him, but decided to go his own, much more treacherous path, instead. He never liked being used, and once he had reached his own goal, he finally escaped all those who had wanted him as just a tool. 

But being on your own in a city that crawls with corruption and those who want to use you for their sinister plans, or terminate you definitively, is a tough playground to navigate. 

“No.” The blonde man shakes his head, and Magnus can see something familiar in his two-colored eyes. A side effect, no doubt.

He smiles inwardly to himself, then looks to the only other occupant of the room, standing in the back, a foot up against the wall he’s leaning on, his arms crossed, hiding in the shadows. 

He’s the only one who hasn’t said a single word, or given away any of his thoughts. He melts to the darkness, observes, and determines before he acts. Magnus respects that, and even if _that_ hadn’t happened, the tall, dark stranger would still intrigue him. But the possibilities would be much more limited. 

He feels his heart pounding at the memory of his skin under his fingertips, his body warming up from the inside. It was a mere second their skins made contact, yet it’s burned into every cell of his body, and every synopsis in his brain, and he _needs_ answers.

He could deny this being the main reason he sought them out tonight, but life is too short to lie to yourself. 

The man moves suddenly, his long legs carrying him quietly, and slowly, and Magnus’ chest tightens, his heartbeat loud inside his ears, and he curses himself, annoyance filling him with the desire to laugh outright at his foolishness. 

He takes a step towards him, his eyes looking away from Magnus for the first time he was dragged in here and confined, and Magnus frowns at the feeling that he doesn’t like this stranger not paying attention to him. 

He shakes it off, and watches the others meet his look, and without a word, they all leave the room, and the handsome stranger is looking back at him. Magnus finds himself exhaling with relief, but he doesn’t know what to make of it. 

A minute passes, or two, and Magnus feels more and more antsy, wanting the man to speak, but he guesses he’ll have to make the first move. “So, you’re the leader of this band of fugitive misfits.” 

His lip quirks up in a slight smirk, his eyes sharpening to not miss any tiny microexpression on the man’s face. Out of all of them, he is the hardest to read, and the one Magnus is most interested in.

The guy shakes his head slowly, his arms now behind his back. “There’s no leader.” 

Magnus likes that he’s finally talking, but he’s not sure this is right. The way they all knew what he wanted without him saying a single word, and they obeyed without an argument. He must be their leader, and either he is delusional, or lying to him, not wanting to give anything about them away. 

Of course, he can’t, and shouldn’t trust Magnus, but that doesn’t mean he likes being lied to, especially not when someone knows how to lie. 

“We are all equal here.” 

Magnus cocks his head to the side, regarding him with an amused, somewhat angered expression. _Equality_ is something that hardly exists in this world. And the absolute calmness this man exudes while blatantly lying to him irks Magnus greatly. But, he too, can stay calm. 

“So you drew the short straw earlier and got tasked with getting rid of me?” Magnus straightens with a soft sigh, the metal of the chair digging into his back, right into the bruise he is still recovering from. But pain is good, keeps one focused, and a bruise is nothing compared to what he’s been through.

It’s one thing all of these people have in common. A hell they’ve been through that made them band together. It’s not uncommon in this world, just the way they are operating is - unique.

The man smiles faintly, and it makes him look enticing. Magnus remembers what the touch was like again, his stomach instantly fluttering, his fingertips tingling, and he feels outrageous, almost hysterical, at the way a triviality like this moves him to even be foolish enough to let himself be captured. It was utterly daft, and flagrant of him, and yet, after months of evading their attempts to find him, he couldn’t resist any longer. 

It’s not as if he didn’t come prepared, but he didn’t even have to use his _gift._ The rumors about these people turned out to be true. They don’t kill, and they only use as much violence as necessary. And Magnus only put up a sliver of a fight, because that wasn’t his goal. And he knows soldier boy knows it, as well as this man right in front of him. 

“We can continue this dance, but I would appreciate it if you told me why you’re here.” 

Magnus takes him in thoroughly once more, his eyes eager to find every flaw on his face. The scars, the stubble, the splotchy skin. Flaws that only fuel Magnus’ attraction towards him. 

“You know how to dance? I must admit that’s a nice surprise. Why don’t you free me and show me your moves?” His smile is bold and challenging, and the desire inside him grows. 

To touch him once again. To make sure that that one time wasn’t a fluke, an abnormality. 

Deep inside, Magnus already knows the truth, though. This man is the very first human he has come across who is immune to his _gift_. 

That’s why Magnus is here, after all, but he isn’t sure why he wanted to find him so badly. A ray of light touches his face as he takes a quiet step closer, gold mingling with hazel, and Magnus thinks his heart might stop for just a moment. 

“Sorry, I have two left feet, and I doubt these would hinder you from freeing yourself, so why don’t we cut the chit chat and you tell me why you’re really here?” 

Magnus refrains from blinking, willing air back into his lungs, shaking off this weird state he finds himself in, in the presence of this man he’s been unable to forget for too long, because of one single touch. An accident. If that bomb threat hadn’t been announced the instant it had, none of this would have happened. He wouldn’t have known someone like him exists. 

But even in their world, where being a freak is as normal as it is lethal, some mysteries remain. He chuckles to himself, his chin dropping for a moment, his eyes closing, and he takes a breath, his arms starting to strain from being confined behind his back, the chair poking into his muscles, leaving marks, yet he’s endured days, even weeks, of much worse than this. He’s gone soft, it seems. 

A small smile remains as he looks up at the man. 

“I really don’t like being lied to, you know?” 

He appreciates the slight confusion on the man’s face. It’s rather endearing, and Magnus can’t even be bothered to scold himself for thinking nonsense like this.

“I’ve seen you in action, and your feet work very well, but I can accept we’ll have to postpone our dance for another time.” 

The man watches him quietly, and Magnus must admit he’s getting bored of this, as well, now. He wants something more.

“You’ve been trailing me for months, and soldier boy is the only one who’s ever managed to do so, so I thought it was only courteous to come by and reward your efforts.” He smiles sweetly, not quite done with playing, yet. 

“But we didn’t find you, and we wouldn’t have if you hadn’t shown up here.” The man’s hazel eyes, dark with the loss of light, are piercing and Magnus wonders if he’s the first to find their little hideout. Though, he doubts that this is the only one. They’ve managed to stay alive for too long to be this careless. 

“Mmm, is that so?” He shrugs, and grins, and latches onto the hint of annoyance from the man like a leech. 

“I doubt you came here to play games, so-” 

“Why did you try to find me? I had nothing to do with any of you, or your plans. I was merely at the wrong place at the wrong time.” There’s a half truth here he knows, because once he was tasked with finding and killing soldier boy, but in the end, he disregarded that and any other command, and deserted. 

His gaze jumps to the man’s hands, covered in black gloves, as usual, his fingers twitching at his sides. 

Could it be? Because of the touch? Magnus doesn’t know what this man’s special ability is, other than being a very good strategist, and fighter, but that’s not the kind of ability he means. There must be something else, or he wouldn’t be here. But it _couldn’t_ be…

“May I touch you?” 

Magnus’ eyes shoot up to his face, an icy shower of goosebumps rushing over his skin. He must admit, he is startled. He didn’t expect this. Nor the uncertainty, and _hope,_ in the man’s expression.

What a curious, curious development. 

Magnus doesn’t answer, yet, but watches him take off the glove from his right hand and hold it firmly in his left, his right arm reaching slowly towards his face. 

He finally recovers. “You’re more forward than I would have given you credit for. But beware… a shackled dog doesn’t just bark, he bites.” He smirks at the surprised look on the guy’s face, his hand stilling for a moment.

“I won’t hurt you, I just want to… see.” 

Magnus swallows down the comment that lay on his tongue, an asinine fascination overcoming him, a silence settling around them, as if time stood still, as the man moves closer, and Magnus can see every impregnation in the skin of his fingers that are trembling ever so slightly, and he wonders for a moment whether he’s also holding his breath, whether he lost his mind completely before it empties as he feels cool, callous skin on the side of his neck. 

~~~

Alec stares in wonder at his fingers touching someone else’s skin, the confirmation he’s sought ever since that incident in the subway station that left him rattled to the core, finally in his grasp. 

He can feel the man’s pulse inside his fingertips, his warmth, his life, yet he doesn’t feel anything else. He moves his hand to touch his jaw, and cheek, cupping it for a moment, feeling as much shock as awe as his whole hand feels another human being.

When he suddenly meets the man’s eyes, reality washes over him like a shockwave, and he lets go in a hurry, taking a few wobbly steps back, his fingers tingling with an intensity that reaches every nerve-ending, every part of him. He feels out of breath, lost and found, and sheer overwhelmed.

“So, you have it too?” 

Alec looks up startled, unaware of how much time passed, his skin still prickling, his stomach coiling, his heart pounding.

“What do you mean?” 

“You touch someone and something happens. But it doesn’t happen when you touch me.” 

Alec swallows, straightens, takes a deep breath, and takes a close look at the man sitting shackled before him. _You have it too? Too…_

“What happens when you touch people?” Could it be the same? It’s unheard of that two people have the exact same _gift_ , but if it’s possible, and if he does, then maybe it explains why they seem to cancel each other out. 

“Oh, let me see, they usually cry out in pain and puke their guts all over the floor, or themselves, or me if I’m not quick enough, but that hasn’t happened in years.” 

Alec blinks, stares. Not the same. Not at all. His touch is… a weapon? 

“What happens when you touch someone? Usually.” 

Alec averts his eyes, suddenly feeling a strange sense of exposure and vulnerability, but it’s nonsense, and he puts his glove back on and stands with his arms behind his back.

“I can feel what someone feels.” 

The man raises an eyebrow, obviously expecting something different, something more. 

“That’s it? I’m sorry but that seems rather useless in terms of what we’re here for.” 

“What we’re here for?” Alec still feels a little out of it if he’s honest.

The man sighs and rolls his neck, something cracking in his bones. “You know, being tools for those with all the power, killing people, and all that shit.” 

Alec feels like an idiot. “Right, yeah, that.” He shrugs. There is more to what happens when he touches someone, but he didn’t lie, he can also feel what they’re feeling.

“So, in those terms, your talent seems redundant.” He sighs again and rolls his shoulders this time, and Alec isn’t even surprised when he brings his hands up to rub his neck, the shackles clonking on the ground. He knew he would be able to free himself, he just didn’t notice when he did it. 

“I guess.” 

Alec holds his ground even when the man stands and stretches, his broad muscles flexing under the thin, black fabric of his long sleeved top. He wonders how many weapons and other helpful things he has hidden on his body, not that he seems to really need them, with a _gift_ like his, and the combat skills he possesses. They equal Jace’s to a frightening amount, and Alec has to force his mind to not think of why that is. 

He’s wearing fingerless gloves, and Alec notices for the first time that his nails are painted black. But the circular tattoo on his right little finger is concealed beneath the fabric. The tattoo that became their one and only clue about who he was. 

Alec won’t forget the look in Jace’s eyes when he noticed it after getting their hands on the surveillance footage, and Simon managed to enhance the only usable image of him enough to make it visible. 

Even knowing of the horrors Jace has been through, he still can’t imagine having experienced any of it. And he’s forever thankful that he has never touched Jace with his bare skin. He feels guilty for not wanting to bear that burden, but Jace wouldn’t want him to. 

Since he found out what Alec’s _gift_ was, he made sure to never come too close to him, especially not when he wasn’t wearing his gloves. Alec has wondered ever since, what kind of darkness he would come to find himself faced with, and whether Jace is actually more scared of someone revealing it, and the consequences of it.

“Judging from your shock, and your tenacity to find me, you have never met anyone else that your ability didn’t work on, am I right?” 

Alec knows this man is now entirely too close to him, and normally he would retreat, but knowing neither of their _gifts_ work on each other, lets him stay put. But the man’s intense gaze is almost too much to endure.

Alec nods, staring right back at him. “I assume neither have you.” 

He can’t depict what the man’s smile means exactly, but he’s noticed he’s smiling a lot, all of them having different meanings, and none of them joyful. 

“You’re right. There are those who rather enjoy pain, but even for them it’s too much to handle.” He shrugs, and Alec refuses to ask him to explain. 

“And you don’t know why that is?” Alec asks instead, hopeful he might have come across some information, or even a hint to follow.

The man regards him quietly for a moment, then shakes his head, turns towards the open window, and stretches, more sounds of cracking bones resounding. 

“Ahhh… I’m so tense. Soldier boy got me good once.” 

Alec turns half and watches his back. “You got him, too. But you didn’t even break a bone.” 

Neither did Jace. It wasn’t a real fight, and they both knew it when he showed up.

“Mmmm, should I have?” The man turns his head to look back at him with a small, questioning smirk.

“It wouldn’t matter. He’s had all of his bones broken multiple times.” Alec still winces inwardly at the casual way he talks about the cruelty, and torment, Jace, and others, have been through, but showing how much he loathes any of it, has never done him any good. Only strength and endurance lets him keep himself, and more importantly, the others alive. 

The man’s smile changes again, and Alec thinks he can see a hint of something dark and painful in his expression, and a sudden strange shimmer inside his eyes, but it’s gone in a flash as he looks out of the window at the star studded sky.

“Of course, he wouldn’t have been a good soldier boy if that wasn’t the case.” 

Alec hears a sharpness in his voice he hasn’t heard before and he takes a few steps closer to stand beside him, yet far enough to keep a safe distance. He gleans at his profile, illuminated by the light of the half moon, his eyes painting along the visible edges of his face. 

He tries to not startle visibly when their eyes suddenly lock, that strange shimmer gone, and Alec wonders whether he saw it at all.

“This little get together was rather pointless, it seems.” 

His voice sounds much quieter now, softer, raising the hairs on Alec’s neck. 

“What do you mean?” Is he really this inept or is it just that he can’t seem to get his brain to function properly now he’s with the man who he can touch? 

He reminds himself that he isn’t allowed to anymore, never got his proper permission, and maybe never will again. Still, to him, it’s enough, worth it, a reprieve he never thought he’d get. 

“We don’t really know anything more than we did before. We both wanted to have affirmation, but it didn’t provide us with any new knowledge. We’re still as clueless as before, and for that I risked my life.” He smirks again, and Alec’s forehead creases.

“You didn’t really think we would kill you.” 

The man looks interested, and entirely too closely at him again, causing shudders along his spine. 

“I suppose not, I did my homework, after all. But I wasn’t sure why you were after me. Ironic it was for the same purpose.” 

“I’m not sorry.” Alec turns fully towards him, not sure what he feels right now, or what he’s trying to say.

The man looks surprised, amused, straightens and faces him, too. 

“Mmm, alright then, I guess we both have enough regrets to not make this one of them.” He steps closer still, making Alec struggle to keep his stance, his skin taut, every hair on his body acting as if electrified. 

“So, am I free to go then?” Alec is slightly taller than him, and yet his eyes seem unable to keep focusing on the man’s eyes, flicking further down past his nose. 

He finally kicks himself out of it, takes a step back and nods. “Yes, sure.” 

“Oh? Now, that was easy.” The man’s smile seems almost regretful, and Alec can’t decipher why that could be. But he must have hoped for some kind of answer, as well. It’s the only explanation.

“We’ll never come back here, so telling anyone of this place is futile. Of course, we let you find us, after all.” 

Magnus nods, having come to the conclusion that it couldn’t have been any other way. Their skills equal his, but they’re the majority.

He smiles lightly and takes a few steps backwards, reaches out a hand and moves it in a flourished fashion, wiggling his fingers. “A last touch before I’m gone forever?” 

Alec knows he’s teasing him, yet he reacts to the taunt as if an invisible chord was pulling him. But he regains control just in time, the smile on the man’s face an odd one, almost genuine, before he disappears.

~~~

Magnus merges with the shadows of the night, taking the shortcut over the rooftops to get to the first hidden entrance, into a cellar, and through a secret door, into their hideout. 

As much as he tells everyone he’s alone, for good reason, he really isn’t, hasn’t been for some years now, and he’s pleasantly surprised to find everyone home. 

He hates this place as much as Ragnor does, always complaining about the lack of daylight, but he has come to care greatly for the people this place is keeping safe, and that’s all that matters. 

He’s not sure where, or even who, he would be now if he hadn’t found his own kind of misfits, but ever since the day he realized that he wasn’t on his own anymore, a warmth and comfort settled inside his chest he had not known for the longest time, not since before he witnessed his mother’s murder.

“Magnus!” Dot stands from where she was sitting, peeling onions, a big smile on her lovely face, and he quickly pulls the gloves over his fingers and the collar up over his chin so she can safely give him a quick hug. 

He lost the fear of hurting them once he trusted them to know what’s safe and what isn’t, and they never touch his bare skin, and even this kind of contact is for no more than a few seconds. 

With her announcing he’s back, Catarina, Raphael, and Ragnor, come into the makeshift dining-room to greet him, settling at the table after Ragnor made Dot put away the stinking onions, and they watch as he courses his fingers through his wind-swept hair. 

They know where he went. He only told Raphael about it, knowing he’d be the least persistent to hold him back from his potentially risky plan, also knowing he would tell the others in good time. 

“Spit it out, boy, don’t keep us on tenterhooks. What’s with that boy that can touch you, did you find him, or not?” 

Magnus laughs inwardly at Ragnor’s impatience, and rubs his face, feeling somehow more tired than he had realized until now.. 

“Of course he found him. He wouldn’t look like this if he hadn’t.” Cat shoots Ragnor a pertinent look before she reaches out a hand, laying it on the table just short of touching one of Magnus’. 

Ragnor grumbles quietly, but refrains from commenting further. 

“You’re right, I did find him, and it’s really true. I can touch him, and he can touch me, and nothing happens.” 

“Wow, amazing. So what’s his ability?” Dot is eager to learn while the others observe quietly.

“Apparently he feels people’s feelings when he touches them.” Magnus shrugs.

Dot’s face scrunches in puzzlement, and Magnus smiles softly. “I doubt that’s all there is to it, but I didn’t ask, it doesn’t matter. He wanted to confirm it, just like me. He doesn’t know why we can touch each other, either, so I left.” He reaches for the jug of water and a glass on the table, suddenly feeling parched.

“Well, with all the experiments going on for decades, it’s no wonder something like this exists, it would probably be weirder if it didn’t.” Ragnor comments before he takes the newspaper from the table to unfold it. 

“But it’s quite a coincidence that they met at all. It’s unheard of. Abilities can overpower each other, but not cancel each other. No one’s ever been immune to a _gift_ like that, especially not both parties.” 

Raphael muses objectively, and they all can’t but agree to it. It is unheard of, yet not impossible, as Magnus has now experienced himself, twice. He will never forget what that man’s touch felt like. 

“So… is he handsome?” Magnus knows that tone of Dot’s, and so does Ragnor, who stands and flees to his room instantly, cursing under his breath.

Magnus grins and empties his glass. It’s funny how Catarina first sends Dot a scolding look every time she starts about romance and sex, but then is just as keen on finding out about it. 

They’re a perfect match, really.

“I’m not going to ask him to have sex with me just because we can touch each other.” 

“Why not? It’s perfect! And you’ve been touch-starved for years now. And I bet so has he, if it’s true he shys away from people as much as you, though wouldn’t it make it twice as good if he could feel his own lust and that of his partner?” Even Raphael can’t hide his smirk now, and Magnus chuckles quietly.

“I guess, I really don’t know how it works for him, and I told you there has to be more to it, something he isn’t fond of. He never takes those gloves off, and his people know to keep their distance, too.” He shrugs and fills the glass with water again.

“Let’s just finish the meal, we’re all hungry.” Cat takes Dot’s hand and pulls her up and towards the counter where several ingredients are lying ready to be cooked. 

Raphael moves to sit down next to him. “So, you really didn’t find out anything you didn’t already know?” 

Magnus shakes his head, feeling regretful for his friend, too. Raphael has always struggled with his _gift_ more than anyone else Magnus has known, and he thinks he was hoping to finally find a clue as to how to get rid of it for good. But apparently that’s impossible, once you have it, it’s yours to keep until you die. 

Raphael is a shooting expert, able to use any gun, shoot from any angle, from exceptionally long distances, never missing a target. They used him to kill dozens of people, many innocent of any crime they were accused of. They have certain methods to keep their _tools_ functioning, taking away their humanness, suppressing their compassion, empathy, their ability to discern right from wrong, good from bad, child from monster. It doesn’t always work as perfectly, though, but some humans are much more perceptive to their methods than others.

Raphael only escaped that empty hell he was trapped in because Magnus attacked the facility he was kept in, and through the fire and blood he woke up. Cut off from the agent that kept his mind under control, he managed to flee, wandered the city for days without being detected, with memories and feelings he didn’t know were his own for a while, trying to figure out what had happened to him, who he was, until Magnus decided to reveal himself, provide him with some food, and shelter, and his own file. Raphael read all of it at once, and didn’t speak for days after that, hardly moving from one spot. 

Magnus hadn’t been sure how to help him then, he couldn’t call a doctor, or psychiatrist, because he couldn’t trust anyone, and he didn’t know why he risked his life by helping this one man, but something made him come back to check on him. Until one day he started to talk, and ask questions. Never about his past, never something about Magnus he would’ve not wanted to answer, and they just… stayed together. 

About a year later, they met Catarina at a children’s hospital where she volunteered due to her healing ability. Raphael found a child with severe wounds, and Magnus couldn’t convince him to let the boy go - who he deemed dead already. Magnus guessed then that Raphael felt compelled to help anyone, seeing in them all those he had killed, trying to find some kind of redemption. He has been doing volunteer work in hospitals, shelters, and animal rescue sites, ever since.

Catarina sensed they were both unusually skilled right away, and gave them a number to call if they needed help. Magnus thought she was insanely stupid for trusting any stranger like this, but soon found out she was exceptionally smart, and, for some reason he still hasn’t figured out, seemed to simply know the good from the bad guys, not that that’s actually accurate, at all, because even she had done things she would regret for the rest of her life, and Magnus still deems himself much more bad than good.

But he knows that there are hardly any _gifted_ who are an exception to that rule. She was already engaged to Dot at the time, but they couldn’t get married in the state the world was in, unable to expose themselves under any circumstance, hundreds of eyes trying to find any, and all freaks, to use or dispose of at will, and convenience.

Dot owns a little shop where she’s selling all kinds of useless knick knacks, at least in Magnus’ eyes. Many people seem to love it, though, which he accepts, and Dot enjoys it, which is good enough for him, but he can’t relate. 

Dot can also see the future, but only for a few seconds, which comes in handy when Ragnor is his absentminded self, dropping things left and right, she always manages to catch before they break. 

Ragnor, on the other hand, has never once admitted to having a special ability, and by now, they all ignore the objects flying through the room when he needs something, and is unwilling to go out and get it. 

Whenever they mentioned it at first, he lectured them in the most grotesque way, in such an outrage it was simply hilarious, and for a while they did it just to get a laugh, but then things settled into a kind of routine, Magnus is glad, if sometimes wary of. 

It’s dangerous; to have a place to return to, to have people to care about, who care about you, to have aspirations again, and a weird kind of hope, and obsession, with a stranger you can touch, who is maybe the only person in the world like that. 

He told him he would never see him again. To protect himself, he guesses. Everything about that man was too much, made him feel too much, react too strongly, _want_ too much. It’s enough he knows about him. Enough to get on with his life. But he doesn’t know how to do that right now. 

Where is he even going? He avenged his mother the moment he got a chance, and left it all behind. But no one ever truly leaves. They’re in your mind, your body, your dreams, and memories, until you take your last breath.

He knew of soldier boy. He knew that he had managed to escape, to stay alive, even found people he was working with, changed his whole damn life around, and was actually helping the _good_ people now. Those who are still trying to fight, and end all the corruption festering deep inside the city, everywhere one looks. Like the detective they’ve been working with in secret.

It’s impossible to escape it, impossible to get rid of all the power-hungry, megalomaniac, rich, greedy, murderers, politicians, clergymen, and businessmen, and, of course, connected to it all somehow, The Circle. It’s impossible, and yet, the soldier boy, and the man he can touch, and those women are trying to do it. 

Such damn fools. 

After dinner he excuses himself to wash up and go to bed, feeling even more tired than before. But he can’t stop thinking about these people, which annoys him, even though he is so exhausted. 

He can _still_ feel that man’s fingers on his neck, on his cheek, and it makes him peculiarly emotional, which he’s very much trying to ignore as he’s just too tired, and also incapable of deciphering what this means, any of it. 

“Damn fools,” he sighs as he drifts off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm a bit obsessing, and definitely overthinking this next chapter, edited it several times, and my mind keeps trying to tell me that things are missing, or not making sense, but I've tried my best, so I'm gonna throw it out, and leave it behind. I have to focus on the rest of it ;P
> 
> <3

_Two weeks later_

Alec hears shouting, but is unable to react as he gets smashed to the ground by a sudden explosion, his side pierced by something sharp and cold, knocking the breath from him twice, ripping his flesh, blood oozing, he can also taste in his mouth, mingled with dirt. He can’t hear a thing.

He gasps, tries to open his eyes to look for the others, seeing nothing but dust and burning flashes, his only thought, only wish, for them to be alive, and to get them out of here. 

He groans in pain and shock when he’s hauled up onto his feet, trying to think of where his clothes are torn and his skin is exposed, freezing when he realizes it’s not Jace, or even Maia, who has a firm grip on him, but the stranger he can touch. 

“C’mon, we gotta get out of here!” 

His voice seems muffled, his ears still ringing from the explosion, but his feet are moving somehow, and soon there is air, an open door, and a dark sky, and an all consuming crash somewhere he can’t pinpoint, and something heavy falls on his head, knocking him out cold. 

~~~

Alec comes to with a headache so severe, he wonders how it hasn’t split his head in two, and hearing voices arguing. 

“No! I won’t let anyone touch my brother, you know how he hates it! And we can’t trust her! We can’t trust anyone!” 

“But she’s a healer, who else are we supposed to trust? I can pull the glass out of his wound but he’s lost too much blood already, and if any of us touches him-” 

“I can do it, he knows all my secrets anyway, and he’ll just have to endure it!” 

“But you’re not a doctor, and neither are we. And this is serious. It’s not just his side, it’s his head injury, as well.” 

“So, you just want to trust strangers now, we know nothing about, who already know too much by bringing _him_ here-” 

“For fuck’s sake, look, I hadn’t planned on this, either, but I didn’t just save his goddamn life to let him die now because of you! Let her help him, or kill him yourself, your choice.” 

Alec wants to shout that he doesn’t want to die, especially now he recognizes that stranger’s voice, among Jace’s, Izzy’s, and Maia’s, and, right now, he doesn’t give a shit who _she_ is, if she can just make the pain go away. He loses consciousness once more without bringing a single word over his lips.

The next time he wakes up it’s quiet. Too quiet, and he blinks his eyes open, recognizing the room he’s in. He’s in their house, their home, and as he sits up, he hears Sophie, their three-legged golden retriever, get onto her feet next to him, her snout immediately in his hand. He can touch animals just fine, he found out with great relief. 

“Hey, girl, what’re you doing? Keeping me company? I bet you were watching over me, hm? Good girl.” He leans down to kiss her nose, noticing there’s a bandage around his head, over half of his eye. 

Memories come rushing back. He checks his side quickly, also bandaged, and evaluates the pain he’s in. He should be in a lot more. He should have a severe concussion. Whatever fell on his head was heavy… but he remembers only fractions. 

Half of them were on a mission to retrieve classified information that would be fatal for a lot of people if it got into the hands of the corrupt politician who was after it. It should have been easy, get in, get out, but the place was rigged, there was an explosion, and… he’s out of bed so fast, he startles the dog, but she quickly rushes after him downstairs. 

He finds everyone in the former dining hall, in the half of the mansion that wasn’t burned down. The walls are rundown, but they didn’t bother to repair much in most of the rooms. He checks all of them over quickly, but they only seem to have some scratches or bruises, and relief floods him.

“Alec! You shouldn’t be out of bed.” Izzy jumps up and hastens towards him, but he ignores her, and steps forward further, having noticed the other two people in the room.

The stranger, and a woman he’s never seen before. _A healer?_

“How’re you, Alec?” “How’re you feeling?” He’s asked by several of his friends, but he steps towards the strangers, watching their faces closely, then settles on the woman’s face, who smiles with real kindness at him. He feels odd at that.

“Did you save me?” 

“Actually, it was me. You were just lying there like a sack of potatoes, and I- ow!” The man started speaking before the woman could, but she poked him in his side to shut him up. 

Alec smirks lightly, somehow he already likes her. 

“My friend saved you from the explosion, but I did tend to your wounds. Are you feeling alright?” 

Alec nods and pulls out a chair to sit down next to them. “Thank you for saving me.” He glances at the man quickly, who is pouting, and somehow that amuses Alec even more, but he’s staying focused on the woman. 

“Um, I’m sorry, this is… weird…” He can basically feel everyone moving closer to listen in on this conversation, and so he moves as close to her as he can without touching her. “Did you feel anything… strange? Or did I do anything weird as you were treating me?” He whispers and looks closely into her dark eyes.

She seems less surprised than he would’ve thought, smiles and shakes her head. “Nothing weirder than any of my other patients.” 

Alec smiles a little at that, relaxing some. He remembers touching Isabelle when they were children, and even in his sleep he would feel her emotions, fears, secrets, guilt, and regrets, anger, and pain, and he would always wake up trembling, and crying. But apparently it doesn’t work when he’s unconscious. 

“That’s good.” 

“I’m sorry, but there’s a lot we need to talk about, and decide.” Jace steps to his side and Alec glances up at him, able to gauge his friend’s state of mind, and emotions, without having to touch him. 

“Basically we’re hostages here, kept against our will, even though I saved your lives on your ill-fated mission.” 

Alec frowns at the man he can touch, who’s posture is rather relaxed, reaching for the grapes in a bowl on the table, before he pops one into his mouth.

He can hear the others bristling behind them, and doesn’t need to see their faces to know what they look like. 

“You damn jerk.” Maia can’t keep it in, and Alec can’t really blame her, but he’s also very concerned about what happened, and if these people can shed some light on it for him, he would appreciate it.

“See, she’s done nothing but glare at us.” The guy is literally sulking now, and the woman turns to him.

“At you, my dear.” She smiles at him, and he looks shocked, crosses his arms over his chest, and stares down the table. 

“Can you cut it out? This is a serious matter, and you’re behaving like an insolent teenager.” Jace’s glare is so intense Alec feels it as if it were directed at himself. 

Before the guy can reciprocate, the woman holds up a hand that quiets him.

“I’m sorry, we understand your situation. The intel you got was wrong, it was a trap laid out for you, probably to kill you.” 

“That’s impossible, our intel is never wrong, we can trust the person it came from one hundred percent.” Clary steps forward, disbelief and concern written all over her face. 

“That’s true,” Alec confirms, but the woman is already trying to explain.

“I know Luke, too, and I know you can trust him, but this can only mean someone gave him false intel on purpose.” 

Silence fills the room with the shocking realization. “Then he’s in danger, we have to-” 

Clary gets cut off when the large door opens, and Simon strides, a tablet in one hand, a phone in the other. He heads straight for where Alec is sitting, and Clary and Jace are standing. 

“Luke is fine, I figured something like that must have happened and warned him to go into hiding. He said he had a feeling that something wasn’t right, but he couldn’t confirm it until too late. And you were really unlucky Clary wasn’t there to scan the building beforehand, though the explosive device was top of the market advanced, so she may have had trouble finding it in time anyway.” 

He sends her an apologetic look, but she just nods, arms crossed, frowning darkly. 

“I gave Luke everything he needs to stay safe. He isn’t going to come here until we know who’s behind this. Oh hi, I’m Simon, the tech guy.” He grins at their two guests, even though the man would surely still insist they are hostages. 

“Hello, Simon, nice to meet you. I’m Catarina, and this-” 

“Cat! What the hell? Why would you expose our names?” 

“Because it’s only polite to introduce yourself back to someone who has introduced himself.” 

The man looks puzzled, squints, then sighs almost theatrically. “Fine, whatever, I’m Magnus. So the only one with glasses here is the tech guy, really? How clichè.” He smirks, and Alec scowls at the whole interaction, somehow getting a feeling none of this is serious to him… Magnus? Magnus. 

Simon laughs a little, scratching his neck awkwardly. “Well, actually Lydia has reading glasses.” 

Jace steps in front of him. “Enough of this child’s play. Do you have any information that can lead us to who set us up, or not? I advise you not to lie to us.” 

Alec actually reaches a hand out to stop Jace, noticing he’s not wearing his gloves, freezing his movement instantly, glad when he sees Simon’s arm sneak around Jace’s middle to subtly and gently defuse the situation. He would have never guessed that someone like Simon was going to be Jace’s anchor and romantic interest, but he’s learned a hell of a lot about people over the years. Mostly that you can never truly know everything about them, and that there is always someone who can touch your heart in ways you had excluded for yourself. 

Alec also notices Magnus’ intent gaze, and when their eyes meet, there’s a certain understanding between them.

“Either The Circle used this high up politician to eliminate you, or the guy himself set a trap for anyone wanting to steal his precious cargo. I suppose the latter option is the preferable, and more likely one.” 

Alec’s gaze drops to where Magnus is rubbing over his gloved little finger. He knows that’s where the tattoo is. The Circle. He hopes it is the latter, as well. 

“I’ve collected all the footage around the area, but most of the cameras were disabled, and no one was following you. They might think you really didn’t survive.” 

“Even if, by now if someone came back to check, they’ll know that’s not the case.” Jace shares a knowing look with Simon who nods and starts to type on his tablet right away. 

“At least Luke is safe, and we are, for now, but what do we do next? Should we lay low for a while? Maybe we should separate.” Lydia suggests, unsure herself. 

“No, I think we should stay together, no matter what.” Izzy takes her hand, entwining their fingers, pleading her, and then Alec. 

Alec knows she fears being separated from her family ever since their parents were murdered, and she was kidnapped when she was eleven. 

“Sticking together seems better for now, safety in numbers, and all.” Magnus says to everyone’s surprise. 

Alec nods, sensing how his sister relaxes. Sometimes he thinks he doesn’t have to touch certain people at all, to know what they’re feeling, or maybe it’s just because he felt her emotions for such a long time, endured it for her while she seemed never as affected, to make her feel safe and calm, that he’s simply attuned to them.

“Well, we should get going, though.” Magnus stands suddenly, and Jace is there, standing before him so fast, Alec hasn’t even noticed him moving.

“Not so fast. I’m aware of what you’ve done for us today, but you’re still a threat to us, and we can’t let you leave.” 

Catarina gets up to stand beside Magnus, looking concerned between the two of them who are glaring at each other, and Alec is back on his feet, as well, wishing even more for his gloves, so he could actually physically get between them.

“I saved all your damn lives, and I didn’t have to!” Magnus barks back at Jace, who’s just staring more angrily.

“How did you even know where we were? As far as I’m concerned, you could have set the trap yourself, to make us trust you. If you had no obligation, and no ulterior motive, you shouldn’t have had any reason to be there.” Jace barks right back, and Alec feels his headache coming back. 

_But you can touch Magnus._ Oh, right. But before he can even move, Catarina pushes herself between them, her palms outstretched on Magnus’ chest, who’s looking startled, even frightened for a moment. 

“Calm down, please, this is getting nowhere. To earn trust, you have to give trust in return.” 

Magnus seems very quiet suddenly, taking a step back so her hands fall off of him. 

Catarina turns to Alec. “If I let you touch me, will you trust us to let us go? We mean you no harm, we are not with The Circle, and we will not reveal this place to anyone. We could already have done that if we wanted to.” 

Alec stares at her gobsmacked. She… wants him to… offers to trust him? With her… but she doesn’t even know what he can do, does she? “Excuse us for a minute, please don’t argue until we’re back.” He looks pointedly at Magnus, and Jace, gesturing for her to follow him out of the room. He shuts the door firmly behind them.

“I suppose he told you what my ability is, but there’s more to it, but you already guessed that, I assume?” She must have, or this wouldn’t be enough to gain their trust.

“Magnus thought you hadn’t revealed everything about it, and I agree. Whatever it is, it’s enough to bargain about our freedom, isn’t it?” 

Alec nods slowly, not liking this development at all, but if they do this, then the others should be able to agree to let them go. 

“When I touch you, I will be able to-” 

“Don’t reveal it, I’d rather not know beforehand. It’s enough to know you will have something to use should we have lied to you, or betray you.” 

Alec takes a breath, and closes his eyes. He hasn’t had to touch anyone for a long time now, even less often since Lydia joined them, as she was able to get information and secrets out of anyone much more easily. 

He had hoped he would never have to touch anyone again to find out their deepest, darkest secrets… but if this is the only way… he reluctantly agrees, and tells everyone to gather in the living-room, where they both will be more comfortable. He would prefer it to be just him and her, but to make sure there will be no room for any doubt, they should all witness it. 

“Make yourself comfortable here, it won’t hurt as such…” His touch doesn’t hurt, but whatever it will reveal, most certainly will in one way, or another. His skin is prickling in an eerie, distressing way. He hates knowing what’s to come, but never knowing what will be revealed. 

“It’s alright.” She smiles kindly, and Alec can’t but feel sorry for her, and guilty for having to do this. 

He can’t deny that he really wants to trust her, and Magnus. But notions like these are potentially very dangerous, and he has to do whatever necessary to keep his family safe.

The others are gathered around the room, sitting on the other couches, and armchairs, watching them both, and Alec has to shut them all out. 

He focuses on Catarina’s warm, dark eyes, her smile. He doesn’t want her to hurt, but this is the only way… “Close your eyes, and just know that whatever happens, it’s not happening right now, you’re okay.” He tries to comfort her, but he can’t imagine being the one to have to feel the kind of invasion his ability is to other people. As much as he hates having to feel and see these things through their eyes, it’s worse for them having had to experience them.

She nods, and closes her eyes. Alec reaches for her hand, but halts. “I’m going to touch your hand now,” he says quietly, and waits for her to nod again. Tension overcomes him, his heart drumming in his chest, and ears, as his bare fingertips finally touch her skin. 

He’s surprised how calm and controlled she feels for the first moment. What a strong person. But soon it fades, allowing all the fear, guilt, pain, and terror inside her to come out. 

His _gift_ seems to make him just know when all is done, and the moment he stops touching her, they flinch backwards, gasping for breath, their eyes opening, staring at one another, tears streaming down their faces.

~~~

Magnus feels strangely solemn, and exhausted on their way home. He doesn’t have the first idea how Catarina must feel after experiencing something so intimate and shocking, even violating, and though he might be the only one she ever told anything about that incident in the past - he knows she was feeling too guilty to tell Dot about it, and Dot understands from her own experiences that some things are too painful to unveil to the one you love - but now a stranger knows _everything._

Because he had to be nosy, and couldn’t resist to tail the detective, to keep an eye on them - on _Alec_ , and the moment he smelled danger, well, shit had already hit the fan. Alec was the only one close enough to the explosion to get seriously hurt, but Magnus still feels guilty about that, too. 

It saddens, and infuriates him, and he can’t get the image of them both crying, looking disturbed, and heartbroken out of his head. He hates that they had to do this, that Catarina had to reveal herself like this, but somehow he also feels bad for _him._ And he hates that even more. 

Alec. That’s what they kept calling him when he was unconscious, and bleeding from his waist, and head. Alec. Now he knows, but he has no idea how he feels about it, about any of it, except… not good. 

And Catarina excusing herself the minute they’re back, saying she needs to shower and rest, tells him she also feels anything but good. 

Dot senses she needs some space, and occupies herself with a book. Raphael isn’t back, yet, and Ragnor is doing whatever in his room. 

And Magnus can’t stop overthinking. 

~~~

_“So what was it?” Maia asked Alec when Magnus and Catarina had left, and Alec had wiped his face dry, and looked around at every one of them. But he couldn’t say it._

_“It’s… something that would make sure she could never work as a doctor again, and giving proof to the wrong people would get her locked away for life, probably.”_

_“But-”_

_“Please, don’t ask me again. I won’t use it against her. Now I need some sleep.”_

It replays in his mind over and over the moment he wakes up. Her darkest secret, crime, fear, guilt. The blood, the bodies, the betrayal. Does every single person live with a darkness inside them, a tragedy, an event that shaped them, their whole life, if it was truly their fault or not, until they die? 

Sometimes the right thing seems impossible to choose, because every option feels wrong, and sometimes good intentions turn into calamities. It breaks people. But she isn’t broken. She’s an incredibly strong woman. And he refuses to believe that she would betray them. 

And Magnus… well, they’re friends… family, that’s how they seem, and act, and Alec is somehow surprised to know that even someone like Magnus does have someone like that. Well, it’s always just the masks they show to the world. No one can truly survive on their own, or stop caring for good, not even survivors of The Circle. And he’s really glad about that. 

He notices that Sophie isn’t here, which most likely means someone took her on a walk. He gets up and ready, and heads downstairs to check. He passes Jace and Simon’s room, and hears their voices, so he knows they’re here.

Downstairs, he finds Maia and Clary snuggled together on a sofa, listening to quiet music while Clary naps, and Maia reads a book, her fingers combing through Clary’s hair. He smiles softly at the scene, then heads outside. 

He knows Izzy and Lydia’s favorite route to walk with Sophie, so he heads that way, soon spotting them in the distance, walking close, hand in hand, but before he can catch up to them, he gets an alert on his phone that someone breached the outer perimeter, and the camera shows him, to his great surprise, that it’s Magnus. 

He quickly lets the others know that he will go and see what he wants so they shouldn’t bother, and rushes to the shed to get one of the Jeeps. It takes ten minutes by car to reach the outer fence and gate. Only Jace’s motorbike is faster, but Alec doesn’t like to ride it, and Magnus might come back with him - though, why would he? Why would he come back here, at all? 

He halts the Jeep and gets out, watching Magnus, who’s leaning against a stone post at the side of the gate, his legs crossed. 

“What brings you here?” 

Magnus squints against the September sun as he turns to him, moves, and halts, facing him, just an old steel gate between them. He musters him closely, and Alec feels as if he might have something on his face…

“You haven’t changed the bandages, have you?” 

Alec is taken aback, and has to think for a moment, then shakes his head. 

“Well, let me do it, I’m the only one who can.” 

Alec frowns deeply. He’s certain Magnus didn’t come because of his injuries, but it looks like he’s not quite ready to tell him, yet. He probably shouldn’t, but he is too curious to let it go, and uses his phone to unlock the gate and let him inside, locks it again, and tells him to get into the Jeep.

They’re quiet for a minute or two. 

“How has no one found you here?” 

Alec glances over at him. “I guess, because it’s remote, and everyone who could ever have wanted anything from inside this estate has been, and gone, long ago. It’s why we didn’t change anything on the outside. It looks as if no one’s been here for years, not since the fire anyway, and the tech Simon set up is all well hidden, and if someone gets as close as you just did, we know right away, and can choose one of a dozen ways to get away from here quickly, without leaving much of a trace behind. The best part is that if a drone, or any kind of device flies above it, Simon’s tech hacks it instantly, and they only get footage of an abandoned mansion, no tyre tracks, footprints, or any kind of proof we’re here, and Simon made it so the water and electricity we use isn't attributed to the mansion, either.” 

When he’s finished, he’s a little bit shocked at how easily it was to tell Magnus all of that. His instincts to trust him better be right.

“Wow, that is quite something. This is your family home, right?” Alec nods, feeling Magnus’ eyes on him. “One of, we never used it much. How did you find out?” 

“I did some research, purely out of personal interest, don’t worry. I was bored.” 

Alec raises an eyebrow at that explanation but says nothing. He decided to trust these people, at least to some extent, until they give him reason not to. 

Inside the house, the tailless Siamese cat with only one ear appears, named Merlin. He mewls sweetly at them, and Magnus seems delighted, petting and picking him up right away, making Merlin purr happily, rubbing and pushing his head against him. 

Alec never stops being astounded at these animals who clearly have been through hell and back, abused by humans, and yet, put their trust into them over and again. 

“This is Merlin, Clary found him and brought him here. Sophie adopted him right away, and they get along really well.” Alec smiles faintly before he walks towards the stairs. 

The door of the living-room still being open, he catches Maia’s look. She can’t help feeling suspicious, and concerned, he knows, but he gives her a reassuring nod, before leading Magnus upstairs, Merlin settled on his shoulders, coming too. 

Alec closes the door inside his room, and watches as Merlin jumps down on the bed, still purring, trying to find a good spot to curl up on

“I see you also collect four-legged misfits. No offense to Sophie, she’s a darling.” 

“Jace found her in a dumpster, half starved to death. We nursed her back to health and she stayed by our side ever since, then Clary found Merlin a year ago, and he also decided to stay with us.” 

“Makes sense.” Magnus grins, and Alec thinks it might be genuine this time. His eyes kind of shimmer with it. 

“Alright, show me to your bathroom?”

Alec looks rather puzzled at him. Does he need to pee, or…?

“I need to wash my hands and I need the ointment, and the bandages Catarina left you so I can tend to your wounds… why I’m here, remember?” There’s mirth in his gaze, and Alec feels his neck, and cheeks heating up.

“Of course, right. Uh, in here.” He gestures at the door, and Magnus heads inside, coming back with everything he needs. 

“Sit over here.” He puts the utensils down on the small, round table in the room, and Alec sits down on one of the chairs, leaving the other to Magnus. 

“Let’s do your head first.” 

Alec nods, and watches Magnus’ face while he removes the bandage, cleans and disinfects the remaining wound, and finally applies the ointment. Alec tries to be very still, hoping Magnus isn’t aware of his skin being riddled with tingles over tingles every time his fingers brush against him even slightly. It’s the weirdest sensation, and his body is achingly stiff, and he kind of wants it to stop, but also craves more of it. 

“How does it feel?” 

“Not the way it should. It hardly hurts.” 

Magnus nods. “That’s Cat’s doing, it will heal very soon.” 

The moment he speaks her name, the air in the room seems thicker, and there’s a sort of tension there, unspoken.

Magnus puts a plaster on the wound as it doesn’t need a bandage any longer, then tugs at Alec’s shirt. “Hold it up, or take it off.” 

Their eyes meet for a split second, and Alec feels all wrong inside, and gets off of the chair. 

“I can do this one myself.” He takes a breath before he faces the other man again.

“As you please,” Magnus says after a moment of more awkward silence. 

Alec undoes the bandage and cleans his wound while Magnus is busy stroking Merlin on the bed, and Alec freezes suddenly as he realizes Magnus is laid _on his bed_. Only on half of it, on his side, propped up on his elbow, but still… he’s never had anyone in his bed before, not after Izzy found out the emotional pain she caused him when he held her. 

Something he had wanted to keep from her forever, especially, after realizing it doesn’t cause her the same pain, maybe due to their bond, or getting used to it over time, but somehow these vows never work out. And he only got the idea to use gloves once Jace found out what his issue was, and gave him his. But Izzy refused to touch him by then, and it took him months to reassure her she can hug him when they can make sure their skin isn’t touching. 

He has hated few things more than his own _gift,_ but he has no choice but to accept what he can’t change. And now, there’s a man, unaffected by it all, and Alec feels a head-rush with that knowledge, as well as a new kind of hesitation, maybe even fear. 

He quickly finishes up, burns the old bandages and puts everything back in its place. “I’m done.” 

Magnus looks up from under his eyelashes, still softly stroking Merlin’s head, and Alec loses his head a little. Magnus is _gorgeous_ , and he has, of course, noticed that before, but somehow, now, here, it’s much more apparent, and much more real. 

“Um, we should-”

“You won’t use it against her, will you?” Magnus sits up suddenly, and his gaze is… pleading, and Alec feels at a complete loss.

He means his friend, Catarina, of course. Is that why he came? To plead with Alec on her behalf? He must care a lot for her, and he would do the same for Izzy. Alec sighs, all the pent up tension leaving him, and he sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to brush his fingers over Merlin’s velvet-like fur. 

“I won’t, I never meant to. I trusted her before, but I had to go through with it to convince everyone. I’m sorry.” 

He meets Magnus’ eyes again, hoping he will see that he’s earnest.

A hint of surprise flickers over his face, then his lips quirk up in the softest smile, his eyes glowing, and Alec feels as if he’s fallen inside a dream. A good one, a beautiful one, one he’s rarely ever had. 

“Thank you, and, um, sorry, I just felt like I had to try and protect her. She’s very special to me, and others.” Magnus seems a little shy all of a sudden, and Alec feels an urge to touch him, his hand, maybe pat it, or give it a soft squeeze, but touching him is still alien to him, desirable, yet scary. 

“It’s okay, I understand. These people have become my family, too, and I’d do anything to keep them safe.” That’s what Magnus meant, isn’t it? And that’s what they seem to share.

Magnus nods, flicking his nose, facing the floor, then stands. “So, do you trust me now? All of you?” 

Alec also stands, leaving Merlin to sleep on. “I want to, and I do mostly, but I can’t speak for the others.” 

Magnus nods. “Maybe I can convince them, it’s not that I want you to adopt me into your little group, I have one of my own, after all, but not being sabotaged every time I might accidentally save your life, would be splendid.” He smirks, and Alec can’t but chuckle softly.

“So, you think you might accidentally save me again?” His smile gives him away.

“I may, you never know. This city doesn’t seem as big as I once thought.” 

Alec agrees, and leads him downstairs.

~~~

“You want us to trust you? Then start by telling us your story.” 

They’re settled once again in the living-room, the most comfortable, least rundown place in the mansion, and Maia hasn’t taken her eyes off of Magnus. 

Magnus frowns at her, staying quiet for a long minute, wondering whether these people are really worth it, laughing at himself at how goddamn foolish he has become. 

He sighs and clasps his hands together, his gaze turning distant, as if he’s far away in his mind.

“I was nine when my mother was murdered right in front of me. She was working as a cleaner for one of the rich bastards. That day, she had to take me to work, because no one would look after me. It was a Sunday, and even the care center was crowded, and they wouldn’t take in even one more child. My mother asked for permission to take me with her, and I was allowed to play quietly in one of the dozens of rooms. Hours passed and then I heard her crying. I left the room, and I saw her on her knees, begging the men around her to let her go, that she didn’t see or hear anything. I found out later that she witnessed them kill someone in the room next to where she was cleaning, and they found her, and though she begged, and she would never have told a soul about it, they shot her in the head, just a moment after she saw me, because I started to shout for her. Her face was all torn up with fear and despair, and then it was just red. She dropped to the ground and bled, and they grabbed me, knocked me out, and left me in a room for days until they got me, sold me and my training as a Circle member started. You know this because you saw the tattoo, the same one he used to have.” 

His eyes are moving directly to Jace, who’s looking at Magnus’ hand.

“I had it removed with a laser. Why do you keep yours?” Jace asks in return, meeting Magnus’ eyes.

“As a reminder, and sometimes, it’s useful to pretend to be one of them still, to get what I need, but I’ll get rid of it, eventually.” 

“What happened to the men who killed your mother?” Maia continues to ask.

“I tracked them down and killed them. It’s why I didn’t escape from The Circle sooner. It was the only way to get the skills and equipment to find, and destroy them. Revenge was all I had left.” 

“Our parents were killed in front of us, too.” Izzy suddenly speaks up, and Alec looks at her startled, not having anticipated that she would, still feeling shocked from Magnus’ story.

Lydia takes her hand and squeezes it, and Izzy smiles softly at her, letting her know it’s alright. Then she turns back to Magnus.

“I was eleven, and Alec was fifteen at the time. Our parents were rich, two of the best scientists, and powerful, with enemies even more powerful. They invaded our home, slit our mother’s throat, and shot my father five times, and my mother four times, even as she was lying on the floor. We both heard screams and shouting, and ran from our rooms to see what was happening. We couldn’t see their faces, they were wearing black, head to toe, we couldn’t even see their eyes.” 

“Alec told me to run, but one of them caught me, and dragged me out into a van. Where they took me, there were other children, teenagers, and adults, and I thought they were going to sell me to someone, but Alec found me, but before that, there was a young man. I was sure he was one of them, but for some reason he helped me escape…” 

Izzy holds Magnus’ eyes firmly with her intense gaze. “I have a memory that never forgets a face, a place, or anything I ever see with my own eyes. I can tell you what happened five, ten, or fifteen years ago on any day, any month, where I was, what I saw, what others were doing, what they looked like. I never forget anything I see.” 

There’s something overwhelming, unspoken, having all of them holding their breaths, but she lets go, leans back into the cushion, and her head against Lydia’s shoulder. 

Magnus is still frozen. He, too, remembers that day. The girl. The one that got away. Because something compelled him to not let other children go through what he had.

And she knows it was him. She never forgets a face. He’s stunned, but stays quiet, and listens to everyone else’s stories.

Simon tells him how he discovered his talent for hacking, for writing code, and inventing technology not even the government had. Which got him into big trouble eventually, as they found out, and he had to leave his mother and sister behind to protect them, faking his death to make it impossible for anyone to track him down, or hurt his family. 

He then spent his time looking for people he could trust, and offer his help to, and through Detective Garroway, who he had researched thoroughly, got in contact with Jace, and the others.

Maia’s _gift_ are inhuman senses, even more sophisticated than those of animals. Her sight, smell, hearing, and reflexes. She had trouble sleeping ever since she was small, because her senses were all over the place and she couldn’t control them, crying and screaming most nights until her family took her to a cleric who promised he could help her. 

She was used for rituals in the cleric’s sect, for years enduring all kinds of tortures, honing her skills secretly, finally fleeing that hell, leaving her family behind who never came back to rescue her. It left her unable to trust anyone, but somehow, when they met, Clary managed to worm herself into her heart, bit by bit, with her relentless patience, understanding, and kindness.

Clary is basically a power source detector. She’s able to scan whole buildings, finding all the heat and electric sources, and with the right tech - which Simon provides - she’s learning how to apply her ability to shut power sources on and off at her will. Her mother was killed in a mugging, and her father left when she was small, so she ended up on the street, finally brought into an orphanage where she fled from over and over, until they didn’t bother looking for her any longer.

Detective Luke Garroway eventually found her, earned her trust, and took her in, but learning about her ability, and the dangers it brought, she decided to leave to protect him, meeting Maia by chance, falling in love, deciding to stick with her, with Luke still helping them when he could, providing them secretly with vital information to keep them safe. 

They came across Alec, Izzy, Lydia, and Jace eventually, who were also working with Luke due to Jace and Alec saving his life, having done their research and found that the detective was probably the only one to be trusted, which also made him a very vulnerable target, and they did everything they could to conceal their working together. 

Lydia was a high-up lawyer, her ability to get into people’s heads and manipulate them as she wished making her relationships with others hard, and her family estranged, but her career invincible as she was unable to lose. Which got the attention of a lot of powerful people, and one promising new candidate, using her ability to get him into the highest office he could at the time, with the promise that he would change the city for the better. 

She soon found out that she had been too naive, that he got corrupted just like everyone else, and was planning to dispose of her when she refused to work for him any longer, the disadvantage of her ability being that it only lasts for a certain amount of time, and the more she uses it on one person, the more the impact lessens. So she ran away, but gave all the evidence she had of high-profile crimes from influential people to the one detective she hoped could be trusted, who finally introduced her to Isabelle, and the others. 

Jace was the first one to join Alec and Izzy, but as they met he was tasked with killing them. 

As a child, he was pushed from one relative to the next after his parents died in a plane crash, and he ran away as he couldn’t bear the pain of being unwanted and cast aside. He went through several orphanages where he was beaten, and verbally abused as he didn’t do as he was told, until he decided to live alone on the street. He was always stronger than the kids his age, and then he found out he was even stronger than the adults he came across, and he survived by hurting those who meant him harm, stealing, and trusting no one. 

The Circle found him, overpowered him, and brought him to a secret facility where they experimented on kids and adults alike. His strength increased, his body stopped aging when he turned 25, and his combat skills became incomparable, finally gaining him the recognition he had always longed for. A place to belong. He was sent on missions that were for the good of the city, and the people, and he was promised to become a true hero. 

He was made to believe all of their lies, the intel he got, the apparent proof of the crimes the people he was to kill had done, and he did it all… until the day he was supposed to kill two children. He looked into their eyes, and he couldn’t do it.

He knew children became killers, too, he was one of them, after all, but these two were not. They were frightened, yet ready to try to defeat him and save each other’s lives. Something inside him he had suppressed for the longest time reappeared with such an impact that he couldn’t ignore it. He did something that he had never once done before, and called into HQ to confirm his mission goal once again. _They need to die tonight, just do it, you know we don’t ask questions._

Those words were spoken by one of his partners, a _friend_ he had thought, sounding bored, and frustrated. He had asked again why they should die, and he got shouted at. And then he remembered all the times he was told something that didn’t add up in his mind, but he ignored, because he was taught to obey orders, not question those orders, or those who gave them. Or the times the media claimed that those he had killed, or robbed, or spied on were innocent. What if they were? What if even _one_ of them was? Then he had killed innocent people, and now he was supposed to kill innocent children. 

When he wouldn’t confirm the order, in the end, he knew they would come for him, so he told the kids to run, got down on his knees and waited for them to get him, expecting to be punished severely, maybe even killed. But at that point he didn’t care any longer. He had willingly given up his humanity, because it had brought him nothing but pain. 

Humans brought him nothing but grief, and he was a coward, a beast tamed by beastmasters, but he was the one who pulled the trigger, his hands were the ones who took the lives of all of these people, and he could only blame himself. What would his parents think of him if they knew? He had become a monster, a mindless robot, a weapon to harm others. But he wouldn’t harm those children. 

And then, something happened he would have never been able to imagine. The children came back for him, and tried to make him run with them. Reinforcements were quick to approach, and he had no choice but to kill as many as he could to protect the boy and girl, and get them away safely. He cut the tracker out of his own neck, to make sure they couldn’t follow them, and found a place for them to stay, changing locations every few days, then weeks.

They told him their story, and one night as they were curled up together, and the older brother was crying as he held his sister in his arms, Jace knew he could only do one thing; protect them with all he had, for as long as he could. He didn’t seek forgiveness for his sins, but he thought it was the only thing he could do to make something right, because he soon learned how special these two were, what horrors they had been through, and that they didn’t do anything wrong. He taught them how to fight, protect themselves, and each other, and stayed by their side, watching them grow up into the adults they are now. 

Magnus understands fully now why Jace is so attached and protective of them, and that he had judged him too harshly before. Partly, because he hates what Jace represents for him, what _he_ is, too, what he has done to get revenge, not caring for the harm he caused to innocent parties. 

And, partly, because he is jealous of him. Of his vigorous mind-set, and determination to do what’s right, if just for two people he came across by chance. Because to leave The Circle is not something that is ever forgiven, or forgotten. And you are hunted for the rest of your life, and even when you fake your death, which Magnus has done, too, they will not stop looking, and eliminate you - or worse - should you ever cross paths again.

He absentmindedly touches the scar on the back of his neck, the same one Jace has. It was the very first thing he did after killing the last man who was present at his mother’s murder; cut the tracking device out of his skin. Then he had left, found a place to hide, and slept for three days, on and off, anyway. 

And then he had fallen into a deep trench he didn’t think he even wanted to get out of. Until an idea bloomed in his mind that he could blow something up, and why not that goddamn facility that had been his salvation, and hell for the last decade, at the same time? Maybe he would go out with it. He had no more purpose, after all. And he couldn’t help, or save anyone. He was a killer, not human any longer, he could as well leave for good. 

But he didn’t blow himself up, and then he watched as one man escaped and ran from the burning building, and he tracked him down, learned his name, and the rest is history. He’s glad he didn’t kill himself that night. Because only afterwards was he able to allow others back into his life, to care for them, them to care for him, becoming part of an odd, little family, he wouldn’t trade for anything. 

And these people are just the same. Actually, they’re better than him, fighting for what’s good and right, caring for all the other innocent people, and animals, living in this corrupt hell hole. Magnus doesn’t know if he can do it. If he wants to. But he can’t deny that he has started to care for these people, and that there’s something connecting them. After all these years, he has found the girl he helped escape, learned she is indeed alive, and has a brother, who is unique to anyone he knows, and a former Circle soldier who also made it, despite all the odds against him. 

They’ve all lost too much, went through too much, and still made it here, to this moment. He doesn’t believe in things like fate, but some circumstances bring certain people together, if only for the purpose of staying alive. And he thinks that, right now, he really wants to keep living. If only to see what will become of them all… no, not just that. When he thinks of Ragnor, Raphael, Dot, and Cat, he aches, inside his chest, inside the deepest part of him, but he also feels a kind of vigor and joy, and a longing, stronger, and healthier than he’s felt since fulfilling his revenge. 

He wants to protect them, make sure they’ll be alright, and maybe find them a real home one day. 

~~~

“So, do you trust me now?” Magnus sidled up to Maia once Clary left her side to help Simon, and Izzy to get some drinks and snacks for everyone, as the atmosphere was a little lighter. 

Maia stands, her hands on her hips, glancing his way with a half hostile, half placatory expression, letting Magnus hope the latter would win out in the end.

“It’s a start.” She concedes, and walks off, but Magnus is almost sure he saw the corner of her lip tugged upwards, and that could be interpreted as an attempt to smile, right? He will take it as long as no one proves him wrong. 

He takes the opportunity to join Alec, who’s sitting on a couch, Sophie’s head in his lap, his long fingers stroking her golden fur. Magnus leans over casually. 

“Have you ever been with someone?”

Alec’s movement stops almost comically abruptly, his head turning to regard him with big eyes, and a somewhat confused, startled expression. “Uh, what do you mean?” 

Magnus smirks a little, kind of proud he could rattle him so easily. “Well, you seem to be the only single one left here.” 

Alec blinks, understanding dawning on his face, and Magnus is fascinated by how much his expressions have changed, become visible, and obvious, now that he really seems to trust him. “Ah, well, um, that’s fine, I mean, you know I’ve never been fond of physical touch, so… Have you?” 

Magnus turns more towards him, laying his elbow on the back of the couch. “Before one of the experiments went wrong. It was a side effect, an irreversible one, apparently. I rather enjoyed physical activities with others until that point.” 

Alec’s eyes widen. “Oh, sorry.” 

Magnus shrugs, reaching out to scratch one of Sophie’s ears gently. “It can’t be helped, I tried everything possible.” 

“Everything?” 

“Mhm, but that conversation is for another time.” Magnus looks up at Alec’s face, a small, intimate smile on his lips, a sudden shiver on the back of his neck. Alec’s eyes on him letting him forget about everything else. They’re vast, deep, and beautiful.

“Guys? Guys!” 

Magnus and Alec startle simultaneously, their heads coming around to stare at Simon who has two bottles of beer in his hands, standing before them, looking slightly embarrassed, but grinning. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb your moment, but do you want something?” 

“Uh, sure, thanks.” Alec is first to react, grabs a bottle, opens it, and takes a long swig. 

Magnus takes the other bottle from Simon, unable to even glance at him as he’s watching Alec, his full red lips around the bottle head, his throat moving with every swallow… he clears his throat, shifts and turns away a little, and takes a few sips from his bottle, feeling like someone turned the heat on too high inside of him.


	3. Chapter 3

Alec dreams of Magnus. Of the day in the subway they first met. Luke told them that someone important was going to arrive that day, someone they had to protect. Soon, chaos erupted, and the voice over the loudspeaker sounded hysterical as it was announcing a bomb threat. 

There were too many people inside as it was, and everyone started to panic, and then he suddenly felt it. A touch on his neck, bare fingers, just for a moment. 

He felt paralyzed, as if his mind was deceiving him, conditioned to react as it always reacted when confronted with someone’s touch - terrorized. It took him a long moment to realize that nothing was happening. 

When he turned, he saw dozens of people, shouting, crying, pressing out of the exits, and then, one figure, clad in all black, walking away fast in the opposite direction, and he just  _ knew _ . But he couldn’t get to him.

When Alec wakes up, a thought suddenly strikes him like a brick on his head. He scrambles for his phone, but he doesn’t have his number, does he? Does anyone? 

No, they don’t. They have literally no way of contacting Magnus. Alec feels very frustrated, until he gets an idea, gets Simon to help him, and leaves to go to the city, promising he will be quick.

Thanks to Simon he now knows where Catarina works, and he slips her a note without her, or anyone, even noticing he was there, and he hopes she will find it and relay it to Magnus.

He returns home, and waits.

~~~

Magnus comes home from a grocery run to find Cat and Dot hugging, tear stains evident on both of their faces, instantly alarming him, tightening his chest. 

He relaxes a little when they smile at him once aware of his presence, wiping their cheeks, and noses.

“It’s fine, we’re fine.” Dot reassures him, and Cat takes a moment longer to compose herself. 

“I told her.” 

Somehow, Magnus knows instantly what she means, but feels speechless. She laughs a little, and strokes his arm, and he lets himself be coaxed into a careful hug. 

“The incident with Alec, as horrible as it was to relive it, also showed me that I can face it, and telling Dot about it felt right, and liberating.” She pulls back, and smiles at him affectionately. 

Magnus doesn’t really know what he feels, why he feels so struck, but he is happy for her. 

“I’m really glad, Cat.” Does this mean those memories will haunt her no longer? Is that how it works? He doesn’t think so, but maybe it will help her to live with it better.

“Oh, and I also found this in my bag.” She fishes out a note from her pocket, and hands it to Magnus, who stares at it bewildered, not understanding what a piece of paper has to do with anything.

He shrugs himself out of it, and unfolds it. A message from Alec, asking him to meet him at the mansion.  _ Why? _

Cat and Dot are looking at him curiously, and he feels a strange notion of apprehension, but quickly shakes it off. Sometimes he still doesn’t know how to handle sudden outbursts of weird emotions, or even what they are, certain only that they will fade.

But he knows the feeling that’s gaining the upper hand inside him right now.

~~~

That afternoon they receive the intruder alarm, and Alec’s heart misses a beat. His hands are actually a little shaky as he checks so quickly he almost drops his phone, a pleasantly surprised smile lifting the corners of his mouth, as he sees Magnus at the gate, waving. 

“I suppose you’ll get it?” Maia remarks dryly, but there’s a little, sly twinkle in her eyes, and Alec tries to hide his excitement, confirms, and rushes outside to the Jeep. He opens the gate even before he arrives, and picks him up on the way.

“Hey.” He smiles, unable to stop himself, his body tingling with the agitation rolling across him. He can’t explain it, but somehow, he’s just happy that his message found its recipient. 

Magnus looks a little perplexed, but mirrors his smile, mellowed. “Hey.” Their eyes stay locked for a moment or two, then Alec drives on, willing his body to calm down. 

“So what do I owe this invitation to?” 

Alec took him to a - compared to most other rooms - small lounge, where Merlin is happy to see them, and they can talk undisturbed. 

Magnus takes a seat when Alec offers, and Merlin jumps up on his lap, loving the attention Magnus gives him right away.

Alec sits down in the armchair opposite of them, smiling softly, his chest swelling, but then Magnus looks up at him, raises an eyebrow, and looks as if he’s expecting something… 

Oh!

“Uh, yes, right, sorry. Um, I had a dream, about the first time we met, and I don’t know why I never noticed before, but you were wearing gloves, in the subway station. I saw you walking away, and you were definitely wearing them.” 

Magnus looks confused, and more confused, but Alec gives him a minute to maybe catch on.

“I was, I always am-” It’s dawning on him now, Alec can see it on his face.

“Mhm, so why did you take them off, and touch my neck?” 

There’s a loud silence between them as they keep gazing at each other, then Magnus chuckles, sighs, and relaxes more into the big lounge chair. 

“You dreamt of this, and that’s why you summoned me here?” He could have just left him his phone number. 

Could it be that, he too, wanted to see him again? Magnus feels a shiver of excitement at the idea. He hums amusedly, looking up at the ceiling, then back at Alec.

“It was nothing really. Everyone was going mad, and I had to get away quickly, and you simply happened to stand in my way, and I figured if you ducked, I could jump over you and get out. But you just froze, didn’t even budge.” He smirks good-humoredly.

Oh, so that was it. Well, what did Alec expect? It made sense, it’s just that… he shakes his head.

“What?” 

He shakes his head again, smiling strangely. “It’s just so fucking weird. Just because of a random circumstance like this, we found out someone else was not affected by our touch, and it’s such a huge thing, but it’s only because of...  _ that _ .” He shrugs, unable to find better words. He feels really odd, surreal. 

Magnus hums again, still stroking the cat. “Yeah, but doesn’t everything happen because of some random shit? I mean, not everything, but a lot of things. No one can plan and consider everything that could ever happen, and I think we would go insane trying to, anyway. If the care center had taken me in that day, I wouldn’t have witnessed my mother’s murder, and if she hadn’t got the job because someone else got sick, and she found out by chance at the market that day, she wouldn’t have been there in the first place. It’s all random bullshit, Alec. But sometimes, it’s not only bad. Finding you hasn’t been that bad.” 

Alec’s stomach flips at the warm expression Magnus is directing at him. He can only nod, his throat feeling dry all of a sudden, but he doesn’t want to leave to get a drink, and he doesn’t want him to leave, not yet.

He notices Magnus isn’t wearing his gloves, and neither is Alec, because he consciously reminded himself that being alone with Magnus doesn’t pose any kind of threat to either of them - another very strange, yet elating thought. 

Alec gets up and moves over to join Magnus and Merlin. It’s big enough for two, but Magnus is still suddenly a lot closer to him than he had anticipated, and Alec is tensed up on the edge of the chair while Magnus observes him with a puzzled look. 

“You can come closer, if that’s what you want,” Magnus finally says, startling Alec, who’s fidgeting with his hands in his lap.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t remember just being with someone, close, just, for that to be normal.” 

“Has it ever been like this? When you were young? When did it start?”

Alec thinks back to what he can remember about his childhood. He knows that at some point he could touch people and nothing would happen. His parents were never affected, until… 

“I was maybe ten or eleven, I think, I don’t fully remember, but I remember my mother, she was staring at me with tears in her eyes, and I was crying, and then I noticed I was holding her arm, and… I guess that was when we found out. My parents seemed to know what it meant, but I had no idea. They explained it to me, eventually, and then I wouldn’t touch anyone anymore if I could somehow help it, except Iz. I couldn’t do that to her, we were always very close, closer than to our parents, and I got used to it, feeling what she felt, knowing her secrets, she told me most of them anyway, and I guess she thought she was dreaming most of the time.” 

“We mostly only hugged at night when she couldn’t sleep alone, she always had nightmares because of her ability. She could never forget anything traumatizing she ever saw, and we didn’t even know for a long time that that was what tormented her. I tried to shield her from everything, but it wasn’t possible, and then-” He can’t speak the words.

“It’s okay, I understand.” 

Alec is staring down at his wrist where Magnus’ fingers are lying, touching his skin. It takes him a moment to breathe again, to comprehend that this is real.

“Is that alright?” Magnus asks quietly, and Alec turns his head to him, nods, and exhales, looks back at their hands, at Magnus’ painted fingernails. He likes it, he has very nice hands. 

He moves his left hand to slowly touch Magnus’. His skin is quite warm, smooth on the back of his hand, coarse as he lets his fingertip slide over one of his knuckles, and down along his finger, until he can feel the smoothness of the nail polish, his skin under Magnus’ palm, feeling hot and tingly. 

He’s spellbound by it all, as if none of this could possibly be real, but almost too intrinsic at the same time.

Everything feels kind of prickly, and he shudders, and flushes, and glances at him abashedly. 

Magnus is grinning. “Is this hand porn getting you all hot and bothered?” 

Alec’s eyes widen, his hand almost leaping off of Magnus’, but he can’t pull the other one away, as Magnus’ fingers have a gentle, yet firm grip on it.

“Hey, I’m just teasing you. I’m sorry.” He hesitates, then takes his hand back. 

Alec breathes deeply, interlacing his fingers tightly, then slumps down a little, instantly aware of their hips touching, and he’s out of the chair in a flash, excusing himself to get something to drink, forgetting to ask whether Magnus wants anything. He’ll just bring him something, whatever.

He knows it’s stupid, the way he’s reacting. Just because he can touch him. But it’s not  _ just  _ anything to him. It’s groundbreaking, it’s kind of miraculous. And it’s not just the touch itself… it’s… Magnus, somehow. Other things about him. He’s gorgeous, and funny, and capable, and honest now they trust each other, and, yeah, he trusts him. 

He also cares deeply for people, and loves Merlin, and Sophie. And he likes it when he’s here, and he likes talking to him, and being close to him. His mind hasn’t really caught up with the fact that there is now someone he can be close to, as close as he would want to, as they would want to. And Magnus, he’s been flirting with him, even back when he came to see him to find out whether it was really true. He didn’t just imagine that, right? 

He could actually hug him, and hold him, and even… kiss him. Without having anything to fear. He could get to do all the things Lydia and Izzy, Clary and Maia, and Jace and Simon get to do, what he’s seen them do, something inside him always aching. But he was fine with not having someone like that. He is happy they got to find their someone, and get to do all these things. 

At least he told himself that he was, because he had no choice, there was no possibility to experience these things, but now - now there maybe is, but he doesn’t want to use him. And wouldn’t that be using Magnus? No, he can’t do that. Only if Magnus wanted to, as well. 

Then, wouldn’t it be okay? 

Alec is so lost in thought that he forgets why he came to the kitchen and heads back to where Magnus is waiting, giving him a curious look. “I thought you were getting drinks?” 

Alec blinks, flushes, and crosses his hands behind his neck, sighing. “Ahh, I forgot, sorry.” 

“Don’t worry.” Magnus carefully removes Merlin from his lap, and watches him sleep on, in the warm spot where he just sat, before he walks over to where Alec’s still standing, watching him.

“Can I get one of your hands?” 

Alec is surprised, curious, nervous, and his stomach swoops by just remembering what it feels like to be touched by Magnus. He can’t resist, drops both of his hands, and holds out his right one to Magnus. 

“Thank you.” 

His face is strange, no, not strange, different, Alec chides himself. He just looks kind of happy, kind of glowing. Just extraordinarily lovely. 

Magnus shows him how to move his hand, with its palm facing Magnus, and when Alec does, Magnus opens his right hand, and slowly moves it towards Alec’s. 

When all of their fingertips touch at once, Alec feels a fizzy warmth shivering all down his spine, his chest tightening. He’s holding his breath, gazing from their hands to Magnus’ shining eyes. 

Magnus is still smiling ever so gingerly, moving his hand slowly, every finger touching with Alec’s, until their palms are pressed together, as well. 

“It feels good, doesn’t it?” He asks softly, and when Alec nods, his smile grows a little, and his fingers start to move against Alec’s, sliding down over Alec’s palm, up again, to his fingertips, eventually in between his fingers, gliding through the gaps, sending tickles and shivers through his whole body, finally interlacing, and resting. 

Magnus holds up his other hand, and Alec follows with his own as if guided by magic. Their fingers are touching, and caressing again, finally interlocking, just like before, the distance between their bodies consisting only of their intertwined hands between them. 

“Have you ever been kissed?” 

Magnus whispers, and Alec feels like his knees will give in any moment, leaving him an incompetent mess on the floor, never able to look at Magnus ever again.

His tongue is too thick for his mouth, and all he can do is shake his head, and stare frozen as Magnus’ face is moving closer, and closer. His eyes shut tightly, his mind dysfunctioning as he feels a touch on his bottom, then his top lip, featherlight, yet the sensations are as intense as if Magnus had punched him. 

Alec’s fingers are sweaty, still locked with Magnus’, pressing against their chests, and Magnus’ lips are ghosting along his lips, and he couldn’t explain to someone how incredible this feels if his life depended on it. 

Touching someone else’s lips must be one of the most daring, most stunning things in existence. It is to him.

His own lips start moving on their own, against Magnus’, feeling their way slowly and carefully, his thinner top lip, his bottom lip, warm, soft, wondrous.

He can feel his breath, hot and shivery, quiet sounds echoing in his ears, and sense his heartbeat through their entwined hands, linked to his own.

The longer they keep kissing, the more he gets used to the new sensations, and the more he becomes aware of how wonderful this feels, and how much he likes kissing Magnus. 

His body is still riddled with prickly heat, but even that doesn’t feel overpowering now, just marvelous, and he could get used to it too, until he feels like jumping out of his skin when something wet suddenly caresses his bottom lip, and he startles backwards, realizing in shock that it was Magnus’ tongue, which is now licking over his own lips. Fuck.

“Too much? I’m sorry. The heat of the moment, you know?” Magnus’ lips are darker than usual, and thicker, too, and his cheeks are darker, and he looks as if he were feeling hot, indeed, his smile a mix of mischief and bashfulness. He looks rather endearing, and Alec feels overwhelmed, completely so.

“No, yeah, I mean, yeah.” He takes a deep breath while Magnus laughs softly, swinging their hands a little between them. And suddenly Alec is staring right into Magnus’ eyes, that shimmer he’s seen before, unexpectedly clear, and bright,  _ gold.  _

He blinks, but it’s still there. He really didn’t imagine it. “Your eyes…” 

Bewilderment crosses Magnus’ face, then apprehension, just for a second. “Oh, that, yeah. Another side effect of one of the experiments. Sorry, I probably should have mentioned it, but I always forget about it. I don’t look into a mirror as often as some would think.” His smile is cautious, and his fingers pull away just a fraction, Alec’s grip tightening rapidly.

“No, it’s fine, really.” Alec tries to reassure him, but doesn’t really feel satisfied, and finally stops staring at him, feeling quite embarrassed.

“Maybe, that’s enough for today.” Magnus slowly loosens his fingers from Alec’s, and though Alec wants to protest, his mouth stays shut, and he rubs his sweaty palms on his clothes quickly, feeling strangely lost now they’re not touching at all.

“Are you okay?” 

Alec looks up at him, but his eyes dart down again quickly, and he nods. “Yes, are you?” He glances at him again, finding it hard to know where to look.

Magnus smiles a little oddly, and nods, but Alec can’t read him. And he wishes he hadn’t reacted like this just now, because then they would still be kissing and touching right at this moment.

“Don’t worry about it, okay? I enjoyed it a lot. But I should probably get going. Give me your phone.” He holds out his hand, and Alec obeys briskly, watching as Magnus types into it and hands it back to him.

“Just let me know if you want to repeat this some time.” He smiles sweetly, pinches his nose, and walks to the door, turns when he reaches it. 

“See you.” He holds up a hand in greeting then steps outside, and Alec still feels dumbstruck, staring at the closed door. 

What just happened? And, what- No, he can’t just let him go on his own, he has to drive him to the gate, at least. He hurries to the door, hears his phone, and checks it, a hand on the door handle.

_ Don’t worry about getting me back, I can use the walk, just make sure once I reach the gate it won’t fry me, okay? ;-) M _

Alec exhales and leans against the cold wood, runs a hand over his face and closes his eyes for a moment, letting everything sink in. Despite it all, he has to smile. 

_ It won’t fry you, even if you try to climb it. I’ll make sure you’ll be safe. A _

_ Thank you! :D _

Alec laughs breathily, feeling hot, tingly, a little bit insane, a little excited, a little happy, a little too much. He wouldn’t change it for the world.

~~~

After he made sure that Magnus could leave safely, Alec goes to the kitchen, makes some coffee, and leans against the counter, absentmindedly blowing and sipping on the hot liquid, staring into space.

“Doesn’t he look out of it?”

“He looks drugged, but like a happy high.” 

“Magnus was here a while ago, they were alone in the lounge.” 

“Magnus? Oh!” 

Alec blinks, Clary, Maia, and Izzy suddenly in his view. But glancing around, Simon, Jace, and Lydia are all here, too. When did that happen?

“What?” He has no clue what’s going on.

“So, what did you and Magnus  _ talk  _ about?” Clary asks, unable to hide her grin.

Alec frowns a little, then remembers Magnus, his hands, his eyes, his lips, this sheer unforgettable experience, and spaces out again.

“Alec? Hello!” Clary waves her hand dangerously close in front of Alec’s face, startling him a little, almost making him spill coffee.

What’s her problem? Oh, Magnus. “None of your business.” 

“Did you guys, you know… touch?” Simon obviously can’t hold his own excitement any longer, almost leering at him, and Alec looks from her to him, shaking his head in disdain, vowing to himself that they won’t get anything out of him. 

“None of your business.” Somehow that seems to be a yes in these people’s ears as they get even more excited, and Alec tries to make a quick exit. 

“Did you kiss?” Izzy also can’t keep her curiosity under control any longer.

He halts, sighing inwardly, but is completely unable to stop the smile forming on his lips. 

“None of your business.” He says, his voice full of fondness, and he leaves quickly as the excitement in the kitchen grows unbearably.

He hears the door open and close, instantly recognizing the footsteps following him as Jace’s. He turns to him and cocks his head inquisitively.

Jace makes to say something, but decides differently, and takes a moment to think, instead.

“You do know I only want for you to be healthy, and happy, right?” 

There’s silent sorrow in his eyes, a plea, and a promise. Alec relaxes, straightens his back, and takes a step closer. “I know, and you can trust me. And I think you can trust him.” 

Jace nods slowly. “I suppose I’m the best example for how someone can change after surviving The Circle.” 

Alec nods, smiles assuringly, and reaches out a hand to touch Jace’s shoulder, remembering just in time that he’s not wearing gloves, and though Jace is, of course, wearing clothes, he never wants to risk anything. Two layers are safer than one. 

All the more astounding how he can just touch Magnus with bare hands, bare skin, bare lips. It’s sheer mind-blowing.

“I don’t just like him because I can touch him. I… really like  _ him.”  _ Alec explains a little clumsily, but Jace has always understood him, even at his worst, and most confused times. 

Simple words have always worked best for them both.

Jace nods again, more confident this time. “I understand, and he must like you, too, but, you know there are different kinds of liking someone, feeling attracted to someone, and things like that.” 

Alec nods, though, to be honest, he’s never felt like this, not even remotely, and he has no idea what exactly Magnus feels, either. 

Jace smiles gently, but then his expression becomes fierce. “I just need to say that if he ever hurts you, I will break every one of his bones, and his neck last.” 

Alec looks a little shocked, then chuckles quietly. “Duly noted, but you don’t have to worry, I can take care of myself now.” 

“I know. You’ve done well, I’m very proud of you.” Alec feels tears rush into his eyes, and Jace seems awfully emotional, too, all of a sudden. Alec really wishes he could just give him a hug.

“Thank you.” His voice is thick with emotion. 

Jace shakes his head, and turns, heading back into the kitchen, leaving Alec smiling after him, wiping a tear from his eye.

~~~

The next day, they’re all gathered for lunch.

“There’s nothing suspicious at all, which kind of makes me suspicious, but I can tell you with 98% certainty that The Circle wasn’t behind the explosion.” Simon puts his tablet down, and looks at them all gathered around the table. 

“That’s good, at least. They wouldn’t have been this quiet,” Lydia comments and stretches.

Jace nods, though the tension never really leaves his body, but that’s just a thing with him. He tries to be prepared for every eventuality. 

“So, we can just relax for now?” The tinge of sarcasm is clearly visible in Maia’s voice, who is also never not suspicious, sharing the view that good things are usually too good to be true, even though Clary has been working hard to convince her otherwise, with moderate success.

“Well, we stay alert as ever. Also with Luke in hiding, I guess we won’t get any more good intel, and missions for the foreseeable future. But I think laying low for a while is the best option.” Simon says with confidence, and they all agree.

“Did you hear from him at all?” Clary asks, hoping Luke’s getting on okay. She would prefer him to be here. 

“He told me that he would stay off the grid for a while, I think he has a plan, but he didn’t say anything else.” Simon smiles softly, wishing he could ease her mind.

Clary sighs and nods, waiting seems to be all they can do for the time being. 

As no one else seems to have anything to say, Alec clears his throat, finding six pairs of eyes directed at him at once. Why does he feel nervous suddenly?

“Um, I want to invite Magnus over, so, if there’s no emergency, I’ll be off the grid as well today.” 

He hates how everyone’s expressions instantly change into something surprised, excited, joyful, or mildly acrid, in Maia’s case. 

“Just today, or maybe tonight, as well?” Simon presses his lips together to hide his grin, but that guy can never hide anything, and Clary trying to suppress her giggle is even worse. 

Those two are the real menaces in Alec’s life. But glancing around at the others, he can tell they’re all interested to hear his answer, even Jace. 

Alec puts his hands on the table and stands up, leaning forward towards Clary and Simon, giving them an intense, dark stare. “None. Of. Your. Business.” He says slowly, with emphasis, satisfied when they have the decency to at least look a little ashamed. 

He leaves the room and heads upstairs, because he actually needs to ask Magnus whether he’s got time, and wants to come here, at all.

He feels like an idiot for even considering asking, though, because, what’s his reasoning? Its purpose? He wants to kiss him again? Is that even remotely rational? He thinks not, but Magnus told him to contact him should he want to repeat  _ it _ . And he really, really wants to. 

And Magnus surely wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t. Right?

~~~

Magnus is still staring at Alec’s message he got ten minutes ago while his friends set the table for lunch around him, putting the paper he was reading away, and pouring him a glass of juice while sharing silent looks between each other.

Dot, of course, is the first to address it. She clears her throat twice, but when she gets no reaction from him, she simply decides to snatch his phone, which gets her one alright.

“Hey! Give it back! What-” Magnus looks puzzled, finally noticing everyone, and the set table. 

Oh. Damn. He leans back, stretches his arms over his head, rubs the back of his head, and sighs while Dot reads Alec’s message, a slight frown between her eyebrows.

“What is so fascinating about this message? I thought it was either something really obscene, or shocking, but it’s just normal.” She hands it back to him, and he huffs softly.

“It’s nothing, really.” 

“Right, because we all stare at a nothing message for half an hour.” Ragnor comments dryly, standing at the counter, sneaking some dessert. 

“It wasn’t half an hour.” Magnus quickly checks the time. Was it?

“So, do you want to see him, or not? It’s easy enough.” Dot sits down next to him while Cat chides Ragnor for eating dessert before real food, and Raphael starts filling their plates.

“It’s… yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess.” They’re all looking a little surprised at his tentativeness. 

He notices, and tries to placate them. “It’s really nothing, let’s eat.” But throughout the meal they keep glancing at him, and once the dishes are cleared, Dot tries again.

“What are you worried about?” 

Magnus wipes his mouth with a piece of cloth, and looks at her as if he has no idea what she means, but she gives him her no bullshit stare, and he knows he lost. 

“I’m not exactly worried… I just… he’s so… inexperienced.” 

“So? We all were at some point. Or is it that you don’t want to be with a virgin?” She looks incredulously at him, causing him to deny her claim instantly. 

“No, of course not, that’s not it, at all!” Not in the way she made it sound, anyway. 

“Then what?” 

Magnus glances down at his hands and sighs inwardly. “I just… he could have been with a lot of people if he had any other  _ gift _ , and… should his first experiences really be with me, just because we happen to be an exception to the rule?” 

Dot shares a look with Cat, then crosses her hands on the table and watches him again. 

“Did he give off any sign that he was unhappy with what you were doing?” 

Magnus frowns and thinks back, then slowly shakes his head. 

Catarina continues, “Or did he outright tell you he wishes you were someone else?” He shakes his head again, but Alec doesn’t strike him as the type to say such things, even if they crossed his mind.

“And, in case he is using this opportunity because you two are the exception to the rule, because he wants to experience these things regardless with whom, do you feel like you don’t want to be used for this purpose, or use him equally as such?” 

Magnus blinks dumbly, Dot really has a way with words. 

He needs a minute to think carefully about that, but, honestly, if he had to pick only one person he could have intimacy with for the rest of his life, now that he has touched and kissed Alec, he would definitely pick him. And being used equally isn’t a bad thing, right? They both get something out of it, something they thought would forever be denied to them. 

And, so far, Magnus hasn’t felt used, and he knows what that’s like just too well. 

But the way Alec has been reacting, he doubts he has an abusive bone in his body. He’s been so endearing, gentle, nervous, sweet, but he also turns Magnus into a hot, horny mess, and he has had to hold back with all the control, and willpower he could muster, mostly, obviously, because of how deprived he’s been of human touch, but also because there is something uniquely infatuating about Alec. 

But he didn’t mind doing that for him, either. He wants him to feel good, to have no regrets about him. 

Oh, this is maybe kind of complicated, after all. He has started to care for him, which isn’t terrible at first glance, but Magnus thought he was in love once, and it was a complete disaster, and casual sex is definitely much easier and preferable, but that already feels out of the question with Alec. But it can be an in between thing, maybe. Damnit, he needs to stop overthinking this.

He quickly messages Alec back that he’ll be there in an hour, ignoring Raphael’s small smirk, and Ragnor ignoring the whole conversation, reading his newspaper, and heads to his room to get ready. He stares at his plain, black clothes, and pulls an undignified face at them. 

He wants something different, he wants to  _ be _ different. Another pointless thought. But he grabs his nicest burgundy shirt from the closet he hasn’t worn in ages, and a nice pair of black jeans, and he styles his hair a little, checks that he hasn’t bitten off his nail varnish, yet, and even puts on some eyeliner which he also hasn’t done in a while. 

Finding his personal style while being used and abused by a powerful, criminal organization, wasn’t exactly high on his priority list. But once he felt like living again, he tried a few things, and sometimes he even likes what he sees when he looks into a mirror - if he doesn’t look too closely. 

More importantly, he wants Alec to like what he sees. He wants him to like him full stop. At least as far as discovering his sexual preferences goes. Anything deeper than that has to be out of the question.

That’s all. That’s safe. 

He brushes his teeth, applies his favorite lip gloss, nods at himself in the mirror, and grabs his jacket before he leaves.

~~~

When he sees Alec waiting by the gate, he feels a sudden jitter in his chest and a flutter in his belly, and a smile he hasn’t felt so earnestly in ages, breaks free on his face. 

It’s nothing compared to the smile Alec shows him, though, lighting up his face, shining in his eyes. Magnus gives himself a high five for choosing this outfit and make up. 

“Wow, you look… nice, really nice.” Alec is definitely flustered, and though  _ nice _ isn’t a great compliment generally, Magnus feels truly pleased, because it’s coming from Alec, and Magnus knows he struggles with words, at least in his presence, and that’s a good sign for his purposes.

Plus, Alec’s eyes say a lot more than his words, and he also seems to have made an effort, wearing a tight, green top that accentuates his hazel eyes even more than usual, and he smells really good, too. He also had a shave, though Magnus doesn’t mind facial hair, either. 

He laughs softly as they’re riding back in the Jeep. “Does this feel like a date to you?” 

Alec glances over at him, pleasant surprise written all over his face. “Honestly, I don’t know, I’ve never been on a date.” He shrugs, but his smile doesn’t waver, and neither does Magnus’.

He doesn’t see any of the other residents as they enter the mansion, not even Sophie or Merlin, and Magnus wonders whether Alec told them to stay away, which he would find rather adorable.

He follows him upstairs to Alec’s room, happily surprised at Alec’s boldness. Maybe he found some confidence now, knows what he wants. And Magnus can work with that. 

Inside the room, though, he finds the small table decorated with a candle, and a small vase with flowers from the field, fruit and snacks, and different drinks, and for a moment he isn’t sure what to think, let alone feel. 

“Magnus? Are you okay? Is this too much?” 

Magnus is shaken out of his state, locks eyes with Alec, and swallows the wobbly, fragile notion down, puts on a small smile, and shakes his head.

“No, no, this is… lovely, really. You didn’t have to go through the trouble.” He sits down on one of the chairs almost reluctantly, looking at the candlelight. Is this a mistake? He was joking about the date.

Alec sits down, as well, still watching him. “I asked Iz what I should prepare, it was no trouble, I’m simply completely, um, inept at this stuff, so if you don’t like it, just ignore it.” 

Magnus stares at his face for a moment, calming himself down. He’s overthinking again. Alec simply asked his sister for some advice, but this isn’t a real date, and they’re not falling for each other, and Alec is simply a nice guy. Too nice, evidently. It’s shocking. Every time Magnus realizes that there are people in this world who are still genuinely kind - particularly towards himself - he is shocked. 

But they exist. Even people like Alec who have gone through unimaginable hardship, even someone like Jace can change. All of these people, his own friends. If the right, random circumstance occurs, and they meet someone they can’t turn their back on. 

Life is very random, and very weird, and there have been months where he didn’t want to live at all, but somehow waited, each day, waited, and existed, and suddenly, life changes, and now, he’s here, with Alec, who wanted to do something nice for him, because he is kind when the world allows him to be. 

Magnus shakes his head, his smile honest, if a little bit sad. “I do like it, thank you.” 

Alec seems to relax a bit, and Magnus curses himself for making him worry. He’s here to make him feel good, not the opposite. 

“You’re welcome.” His smile brightens his hazel depths, the reflection of the candle burning and dancing inside of them, taking Magnus’ breath away.

He moves his hand onto the table, palm up, waiting patiently for Alec, who looks confused for a moment, then a little hesitant, but Magnus likes how his expression changes to one of determination, his skin pins and needles in a blissful way, the moment he slides his hand into Magnus’.

He merely caresses his hand for a minute, every knuckle, every phalanx, the back of it and his palm, along every line and crease and tiny scar, every tip and nail, short and clean, but coarse from use. Neglected from mere, human connection, only bringing him agony. But not right now, not as long as Magnus is allowed to touch him, is responsible for him. He won’t make him feel any pain. 

Alec is biting his lip, staring stunned at their hands, as Magnus looks up, smiles softly, and takes Alec’s hand in both of his, bringing it up to his face. 

When he places the first kiss onto Alec’s fingertip, he makes sure their eyes are connected, wanting to see every facial play on his face while he finds out what Alec likes. 

His mouth falls open slightly as he stares back at Magnus, unable to look away, even blink, as Magnus keeps kissing every one of his fingers, his lips caressing over his skin, enabling almost familiar, but also new sensations, manifesting inside the deepest parts of him. 

Magnus’ lips pressing against his palm feel featherlight, ticklish, almost too much to bear, yet inevitable to desire. Magnus seems to be reveling in what he does, his eyes half closed now, his face relaxed, and enticing. 

He’s reached Alec’s pulse point on his wrist now, pressing his lips there, his fingers slowly tracing his vein upwards, and the more he touches Alec's arm, the more intense the sensations become, and he feels like he might actually fall off of this chair. How can it be this…  _ much?! _

Magnus’ fingers arrive at the inside of Alec’s elbow, and the tickling sensation is too much for him to handle, half flinching, half cursing, quickly rubbing over the spot that causes him this strange kind of distress.

“Sorry.” He feels a little embarrassed now, but Magnus just grins a little and shakes his head.

“It’s fine, you must tell me when it gets too much, and I don’t know where you’re ticklish, or the most sensitive.” 

Alec is relieved, and nods. “Well, I guess that is one place.”

“Let me try something else, then.” 

Alec immediately hands him back his hand, and watches him caress it once again with both of his hands, and his lips coming closer and touching the tip of his forefinger, but suddenly they part a little and the tip of his finger slips in between them the tiniest bit, and then a little more, suddenly wet with his saliva as Magnus takes his finger further into his mouth.

Alec feels paralyzed, even though something inside him is going mad. And then he feels Magnus’ tongue, swirling around his fingertip, and he feels short of bursting.

He didn’t mean to pull away this abruptly, or get up, but his body is out of control, and he has no idea what would happen if he let him continue like this, and he absolutely cannot come in his pants. Not just from this. He’s already a freak, he doesn’t want to be a disappointing, malfunctioning one. 

“Alec, it’s okay.” 

Alec turns and meets Magnus’ eyes, and takes a deep breath. “Sorry, it’s not you, not your fault, just-”

“It’s a lot, I know. I’ve been there. Whatever happens, whatever you feel, whatever your body does, it’s okay. It’s natural, especially for your first time.” 

Alec takes another deep breath, rubbing his hands together tightly. “Is it? I feel like I’m overreacting at the tiniest thing.”

Magnus shakes his head. “You’re not. Even for someone who isn’t as touch-starved as you, it’s an explosion of hormones and sensations and emotions. It’s really fine, and you don’t have to be scared, or worried, not with me, I promise.” 

Alec watches him closely for a moment. “Is it… for you, too?” 

Magnus nods. “I might not show it as much, but every time we’ve touched, I’ve gone completely crazy inside, trust me. I just really wanted to take this at your pace, and make it good for you.” 

Alec is gobsmacked, and then something reacts, whether it’s his sane mind, or not, he can’t tell. He bows, grabs Magnus’ face and presses his lips firmly on his.

Magnus feels struck by such surprise he can’t react for a few seconds, then he slowly moves to stand, his arms around Alec, his lips loosening Alec’s up a little, his head tingling like an electric shock with Alec’s fingers in his hair. He, too, could just burst from within. 

Alec seems a lot bolder now that Magnus is reciprocating, his hands slowly exploring his hair and neck, sending thrills of goosebumps along Magnus’ skin, right into his feet. It  _ is  _ completely overwhelming, but as long as they feel the same, and want this, it’s okay. They might get used to it, eventually.

The first real moan that pushes from Alec’s throat, spreads straight to Magnus’ groin, just when Alec’s tongue pushes into his mouth, and this time, Magnus is the one who leaps back a little, his fingers white as they cling to Alec’s top, both of them panting and staring at each other.

Magnus acts quickly, before Alec gets the idea to apologize or stop this, because Magnus really doesn’t think he could, and even more, he doesn’t want to. 

“Take off your clothes.” 

He’s surprised how quickly Alec complies, pulling his top up and straight over his head, and Magnus unbuttons his shirt briskly, and drops it to the floor, more clothes following until Magnus gives Alec a little push backwards onto his bed, both clad in just boxer briefs now.

He climbs on the bed, towering over him, but makes sure not to touch him, yet, his hands flat next to Alec’s head. “Okay?” 

Alec nods immediately. “Okay.” 

“Yeah?” Magnus is teasing him now, feeling good, and playful, mingled with lust, and joy, and so much desire for this gorgeous man under him.

Alec chuckles throatily, sending a new wave of shivers across Magnus’ back without even touching him.

“Yes, I promise.” And to prove it, Alec puts his hands on Magnus’ sides, making him almost buckle, eliciting a happy laugh from Alec. 

“Ohoh, I see how you play, my dear. But you better be ready to get as well as you give.” He threatens him ludically, and when Alec nods, still smiling, his face all red and shiny, Magnus feels overwhelmed with happiness that he can only express by kissing him passionately, his hands framing Alec’s face, caressing every inch of skin. 

His mouth chases his hands downwards Alec’s body, taking the only disturbance away with him, finally moving back to face him, both fully naked.

Alec’s hands are continuously stroking and kneading his back, their mouths wringing moans from each other, their bodies slowly sliding together, setting free a tidal wave of sensations, forcing them to pause for a minute to adjust, the vigor of feeling  _ so  _ much of each other, overbearing.

They share a long look, smiling gently, understanding reflecting in their eyes, and the moment Alec’s hand cups the back of his neck, Magnus is compelled to kiss him again. 

Their bodies are soon unable to stay still, slowly, then urgently, grinding against each other, the sensations quickly overpowering them both, sending them over the edge in a groaning, hot mess, and Magnus somehow manages to keep enough wit and strength to watch fierce pleasure washing over Alec’s face, until he collapses against him. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was, and is, supposed to be a writing exercise, without pressure, without the need for perfection etc... I succeeded, and failed, but... it's okay. I'll just keep trying my best. The need to add more and more details and make it better, etc just never completely goes away, and sometimes I falter, and sometimes those details are exactly what I sensed missing.
> 
> Nevertheless, some of this chapter feels like one of my most fav things I've ever written to me, and it makes me FEEL SO MUCH, there are no words.

* * *

Magnus’ side and half his chest are pressed against Alec’s, his hand splayed over his heart, his fingertips gently tugging on his chest hair, Alec’s arm around him, his fingers sliding lightly over the shapes of his arm and elbow.

They’ve stayed like this for a while even after Alec finally recovered from the overload of bliss and sensations, a high he’s never felt before, or could ever have imagined. 

He’s almost used to feeling Magnus now, but he hopes to be allowed to get used to him more.

“Is it uncomfortable?”

Alec has no idea what Magnus is referring to, his eyes blinking a little dazed still, as Magnus moves up and gets off the bed. “Give me a minute.” 

His ass is a sight for sore eyes as he walks to the bathroom, and Alec can even now feel himself reacting. Wow.

Alec finally catches on. Oh, right. He sits up a little and looks down at himself, feeling a little surreal. And having Magnus naked in his bathroom, in his bed just a moment ago, is also completely surreal.

Magnus returns with a wet washcloth, joining him again in bed, meeting his eyes.

“Can I wash you?” 

Alec is too stunned to speak, manages a small nod, and then watches mesmerized as Magnus gives him a quick, gentle wash, their eyes locking, both smiling.

Magnus takes the cloth back, and hands Alec a glass of water after pouring them both one. He puts the empty glasses back as well, then, again to Alec’s surprise, moves over him, his legs right across Alec’s thighs, coming to sit on him, his arms closing around his shoulders, his fingers sliding into Alec’s hair. 

He gasps and groans a little, trembling as another onslaught of jittery shivers takes over his body. Magnus smiles and brushes their noses together.

“Earlier was just the beginning…” 

It sounds, and feels like a promise to Alec, one he will do anything for Magnus to keep. 

He feels Magnus’ skin, scars, indentations, soft hairs, and muscles under his fingers, determined to touch every part of him this time, give and take equally, everything there is.

They stay like this for a few minutes, Magnus’ hands carding through Alec’s hair, over his neck and shoulders, Alec’s hands caressing Magnus’ back, sides, and hips, and as he gets bolder, his thighs and ass, while they kiss slicky, avidly, and seemingly untiring, until Alec holds Magnus firmly around his middle and lets himself fall back, taking him down with him.

They’re smirking as their eyes meet, finding each other’s lips, tongues sweeping across swollen, reddened skin, hands exploring further, raking each other’s bodies. Magnus kisses Alec’s face, and Alec follows suit, pressing his lips against his throat, chin and cheek, smiling every time their eyes lock for a second, in between discovering new places to touch, to kiss, to feel, and Alec has never in his whole life, felt this much, this incredible, this huge, amazing, pleasurable bliss, could never have dreamt of feeling anything remotely like it, as touch, for most of his life, equated fear and suffering. 

But now, with Magnus, he feels light, freed, exposed in the safest way possible, uninhibited, and confident, eager and happy. All at once, and more. 

He keeps smiling when Magnus shows him another new high, his mouth and hands enveloping him with delight, and bone-deep pleasure, transforming his strong, broad body, into a pliant, boneless mess of shivers, and he manages to open just one eye to see Magnus’ shiny, swollen grin. 

This time he forces his body to move sooner, rolls towards Magnus and cups his jaw and cheek, tasting his lips, himself there, causing even more never known feelings, only somewhat satisfied when he licked all of Magnus’ mouth. 

He’s touching all of his chest, the planes of his stomach, the lines of his abdomen, and inner thighs, amazed at his body quivering, his stuttering breaths, wringing every moan from him, holding him firmly, exploring his hard length, finding out which touches make him keel with bliss, gaping into his eyes as he rocks helplessly into his hand, spilling over quickly. 

They lie facing each other, legs and arms thrown across the other’s body, gazing at one another, their faces relaxed and joyous.

“If I’d known sex was this much fun-”

“You would have found some poor guy to cry through it with?” Magnus cuts him off, smirking slyly.

Alec frowns and snorts. “You know, you can be really obnoxious.” 

Magnus’ grin only widens. 

Alec rolls his eyes, and sighs, but then presses closer against him, causing Magnus to shift on his back, Alec’s face in the crook of his neck, his lips resting there happily.

“By the way, what’s that flavor?” He murmurs into Magnus’ damp, warm skin, too lazy to move again.

“What do you mean?” 

“Your lips, they tasted like something sweet.” When he speaks, a bit of saliva drops from his mouth, and he licks it off of Magnus’ skin, happy at the goosebumps appearing, and the way his body shudders.

“Um, oh, I think… honeysuckle. It’s some type of flower. Do you like it?” 

Magnus’ fingers are cradling his neck, and Alec feels like he wants to stay exactly like this forever.

“Yeah, I like it a lot.” He smiles, thinking he may never have smiled this much before. 

How strange and surreal it is, and yet, these have been the best, happiest, most pleasantly overwhelming couple of hours of his life, by far, and he wouldn’t give them up for anything.

~~~

After taking turns using the bathroom, Alec finds Magnus sitting on a chair, one leg angled up against his body, chewing on some food. He can’t but stare at him, feeling his emotions heightening again, twinging his stomach and further down, and this beautiful man is just a little too much to really comprehend right now. He looks enchanting, naked and dishevelled, licking crumbs off of his fingers. 

He finally notices him, looking a little hesitant. “This was for eating, right?” 

Alec nods quickly, and moves to sit on the other chair, ignoring the cold, wooden sensation under his butt. 

Magnus seems fully relaxed again, popping more food into his mouth while Alec watches with a content smile as he pours himself a glass of water. 

“You should eat, too, sex is exhausting, and you need to build up stamina.” Magnus suppresses a grin, hardly able to suppress a little laugh seeing how eager Alec suddenly grabs some food.

Magnus smirks, shifts and leans back a little, the chair anything but comfortable. But he’d endure a lot more than a hard chair to watch Alec like this. Today turned out to be almost too special, but he doesn’t want to think like that, rather, just as it should be. 

He is certain that Alec won’t have any regrets, at least, and he will always have the memories of seeing Alec at his most unrestrained, and ecstatic. It will get him through a lot of long, lonely nights. 

But, right now, he only wants to think of the present. The future will, inevitably, arrive soon enough. 

He glances around, his eyes falling on a few little wooden figures, lined up on a wooden shelf. “What’s that?” He points with his pinky, looking back at Alec.

“That’s, uh, well, sorta a hobby, I guess.” He looks a little bit sheepish, and Magnus’ eyes grow wide. 

“You _made_ them?” 

Alec nods, and Magnus has to get up, wiping his hands clean on a napkin, before he reaches for one of the figures, his eyes asking for permission first, and granted, he takes it into his hand.

“The little archer. My father used to have one similar to that in his office, but much more sophisticated. I taught myself, so I’m not that good.” 

Magnus shakes his head, his eyes taking in every detail. “I think it’s very good.” He looks carefully at all the other figures, as well, wishing he could watch Alec carve one. It must be a fascinating sight. 

“Thanks. It was just something to do when we had to stay hidden for weeks at a time. Jace wouldn’t let us take any risk to be found, our faces used to be all over the news. Iz started making jewelry and figures out of stones and wires, and whatever she could find, and I started carving. It kept us calm, and took our minds off things.” 

Magnus nods, imagining those two back then, remembering what Isabelle looked like. He should have done more, he should have saved so many more. Sometimes he thinks his heart will never stop aching with regrets, and he knows he deserves every second of it.

“Jace took a liking to gardening, which is why behind the mansion there’s a small garden shed and the fruits and vegetables we eat are mostly planted by him. I quite like it, too, it’s… serene.” 

Magnus is glad for the distraction, and he cannot, for the life of him, imagine Jace gardening, but he would very much be interested in seeing that if he ever gets the chance. “Whatever gets us through.” 

He smiles softly, puts the wooden figures of Sophie and Merlin, which make his heart ache in a different way, back in its place, and sits down again. He feels as if he has learned something profound about the man across from him, and he feels oddly touched by it. And enamored by the sweet, rumpled look on his face. 

They eat and drink quietly, at ease, for a while lost in thought. 

~~~

Alec suddenly stirs and looks up at him, as if startled by something only visible to him. 

“I’m so sorry, I completely forgot.” He suddenly moves closer, reaches out a hand and covers one of Magnus’, who’s feeling more and more perturbed. 

Alec’s eyes imbue him, keeping him still with the knowledge that his next words have a deep meaning to him.

“Thank you for saving my life, for saving our lives, and my sister.” 

Magnus is speechless. Whatever he was going to say, he didn’t count on something like this. It’s done, and forgotten, he thought, not needing, not expecting, any gratitude. But Alec looks as if he might crumble with remorse, and Magnus can’t take it.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to thank me.” _You strange, lovely fool._

“Of course I do.” Alec’s eyes are piercing now, and Magnus has to avert his own, pulling his hand away, as he fiddles with his earlobe.

“Fine, alright, you’re welcome. Now let’s not mention it again, okay?” He hopes Alec won’t make even more of a big deal out of it, and thankfully, he doesn’t. 

Magnus relaxes again, popping some nuts into his mouth while Alec stays quiet, his mind clearly thinking, and Magnus can only hope whatever comes next won’t stray this far from his comfort zone.

“Hey, you said before you tried everything possible?”

Magnus needs merely a moment to catch up with that thought and their previous conversation, relief washing over him as he smiles coyly. “Ah, I see, you didn’t forget about that. Always remembering the important sex stories.” He winks at him, loving the way his cheeks redden.

“You know, there are kinks for everything under the sun, and well, some people have a pain kink when it comes to sex. I, of course, told them about my predicament beforehand, and more than a dozen people were willing to risk having sex with me, anyway, but we never managed to get past two minutes before they couldn’t bear it any more.” 

“Damn.” Alec looks adorably shocked.

Magnus nods regretfully. “Yeah, it was really rather unfortunate, and I learned that really _every_ part of my body has that effect on people, so I simply had to give it up, at least with others.” He grins, watching as Alec’s brain catches on, feeling enamoured by how lovely, and cute he looks.

Alec stays quiet, thinking about everything, and nothing, wondering how that’s even possible, watching in fascination as Magnus busies himself with peeling the skin off of a pear with a pocket knife he has no clue where he got it from, but he’s certain there are many secrets to unravel about him, and he feels an odd longing for the chance to try. 

Also, everything he does seems to turn Alec on. He can’t help it.

“Do you want to stay?” 

Magnus seems quite startled, and Alec flushes, but feels courageous enough. “I mean, stay the night.” He obviously didn’t mean for good. 

Magnus cocks his head to the side, reminding him of Merlin, then scratches his cheek and nose, observing him attentively. Alec isn’t at all sure what he’s thinking, or what his answer will be. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, but how will he learn, if he doesn’t?

“Have you not had enough exercise, yet? Maybe your stamina isn’t as bad as I thought.” 

Alec can’t but laugh quietly, shaking his head, unable to suppress a broad smile when he sees Magnus’ unabashed grin. 

“So, what you’re saying is that you’re all worn out?” Alec asks innocently, somehow quite proud of managing to keep a straight face.

Magnus’ head snaps back straight, and his leg slides off the chair. He watches him intently, like he imagines a predator watching his prey, but somehow that doesn’t bother him, it merely fuels his want. Magnus licks over his bottom lip, his eyes squinting slightly. 

“Go and take a hot bath.” 

Alec is more than a little confused, those words very unexpected. 

“Trust me, you’ll thank me for it later, once I’m completely, wholly, thoroughly, done with you.” 

Alec’s been staring at Magnus’ hand, his fingers gliding in a somehow lascivious manner over the smooth table surface as he was talking, his voice, the content of it, the golden glistening of his eyes, and the movement of his fingers, evoking a rush of heat coursing through his body, and an almost unbearable anticipation for something he can’t fully grasp, but yearns for with all of his being.

He swallows, takes a breath, and forces his body to move, to take that bath as quickly as possible, increasingly keen on joining Magnus again to find out what exactly he meant, even if it will be too much for him to handle. 

If today is his only chance, he will be greedy, and insatiable, and take everything Magnus is willing to give. 

Magnus watches him go, unable to take his eyes off of his backside until he disappears behind the bathroom door.

“God, that man,” He whines, sighs and leans forward, dropping his forehead on the cool table surface. 

He’s already running hot, and he wonders whether he’s doing the right thing. Maybe taking it a little slower would be better, but then, Alec really doesn’t come across as if he wants to take it slow. And, if Alec is sure, then Magnus has no excuse. Because he only pretends to not want him more than anyone he’s ever wanted in his goddamn life. 

He smiles a little, and turns his head, his cheek now pressed against the wood. This boy might be the death of him, not literally, of course, but knowing now exactly what he does to him, Magnus is a little out of his depth as to how even _more_ will incapacitate him. 

He chuckles to himself, but he may really pass out. Or Alec might, or both of them, but that would be okay, too. Somehow, it will be. He turns his head again, sighs, and moves upwards, gets off the chair and finds his pants, retrieving a small bottle from a pocket. 

He looks at it, and braces himself. It will be Alec’s choice, but he feels himself trembling by just the thought of being _even closer_ to him.

~~~

Clary’s face is full of mirth when she returns from snooping upstairs to the living-room where the others are waiting. She can hardly keep her excitement under wraps, but then she doesn’t need to. She rushes back to drape herself over Maia’s lap, looking all conspiratory, until Simon loses his cool first.

“So, what did you hear? What’s happening?” He ignores Jace’s suffering groan behind him, and stares at Clary full of anticipation.

“Well, at first it was all quiet, then I moved a little further, and I heard them talking, and laughing, and then it was quiet again.” 

Simon frowns a little. “So, they’re just talking and laughing, then? Can’t you eavesdrop a little?” He addresses Maia, and her superior hearing.

“No chance in hell. I’m not remotely interested in what those two are doing, and I definitely don’t want to hear it.” Maia deadpans, and Clary sighs disappointedly, but wraps her arms around her, leaning closer.

Simon also seems to deflate like a pierced balloon, and sacks back into Jace, who is rather relieved. 

Lydia and Izzy, who are cuddled up on a couch together, just smile and shake their heads. 

“Are you guys really not curious at all? This is a huge deal for Alec.” Simon glances back at his boyfriend, unable to understand how he could possibly not be brimming with it. 

“I don’t want to know what someone I’ve known since he was fifteen years old, is doing in bed, and I don’t even want to imagine it.” Jace’s words and expression leave no room for arguing, so Simon relents.

“At least we know they’re not killing each other.” Clary quips. 

“I think my brother really likes Magnus. He’s not the type to use people for his own advantage if it isn’t for the greater good.” 

“Yeah, but he’s never had this kind of opportunity, right? And sometimes you just have to be selfish, and it’s not like Magnus isn’t attracted to him, I’ve seen him staring, trust me, he’s very-” Simon is muted by Jace’s hand over his mouth.

“Enough. It’s between the two of them. I just hope that he won’t get hurt if he really has feelings for Magnus.” Jace takes his hand away, and everyone’s quiet.

They’re all aware of Alec wearing his heart on his sleeve when it comes to caring about someone, and their main fear is that he doesn’t know how to protect it from breaking. 

~~~

He just put the small bottle on the nightstand when the door to the bathroom comes into his line of sight, opens, and a still mostly wet body appears, a towel slung half-heartedly around his hips, his face hidden by another one he’s rubbing his hair with. 

Magnus swallows, feeling overthrown by the rush of arousal, as Alec’s hands drop with the towel, his movements instantly pausing as his eyes latch on Magnus’. 

Magnus feels as if someone’s plugged a power source in his body, every inch of his skin prickling. 

His eyes wander from Alec’s wet, messed up curls, over his flushed face, along his chest and stomach, then pause at the disturbing piece of fabric. He takes a few steps, coming to halt right in front of him, grabs the towel and pulls. “We won’t be needing that.” 

Even before the towel reaches the ground, their lips are locked in a fierce kiss. 

On the bed, he rolls Alec onto his stomach, his tongue losing no time to swipe across the still damp skin of the back of his neck, licking off a water droplet that runs from his hair, down along his spine, watching with delight how his body quivers, his muscles jump and move, unable to stay still underneath him. 

He’s mouthing along every inch of him, drinking him in, the sounds spilling from his lips, pressed into the pillow, Magnus’ own breath stuttering, his belly quaking, almost too dazzling to comprehend. 

An arm under him, he pulls him upwards against his chest, his mouth instantly sinking into his neck where his shoulder connects. His hands slide along Alec’s chest, over his ribs and stomach, down over his hard, muscular thighs, mapping every distinction of skin, to his knees, wishing he could touch all of his legs from where he’s positioned. 

Alec’s fingers on Magnus’ neck are digging into his flesh with maddening bliss, piercing through his own skin, his smile winded, sucked away by Alec’s hungry mouth, just like his breath. 

Just a few strokes of Magnus’ hand have him growling and trembling, his pleasure visibly shattering him. Magnus forces his body to still, to just watch and hold him, pretending this, _he,_ belongs to him, just for this moment. 

After a while of listening to Alec’s breath evening out, Magnus plays with the thought of letting him rest for the night, planning to slip away to the bathroom to quickly take care of himself. 

His eyes widen as he’s suddenly pushed back into the mattress, Alec towering above him, his gaze luscious, and ardent, perforating Magnus to his core. 

Frissons of electric shivers are surging through him the moment Alec straddles him, his fingers raking over the sensitive skin of his pelvis and hips, making him jump with stunning surprise. The way Alec smiles at him is breathtaking.

Alec’s onslaught of mouth, tongue, teeth, and hands, feels like he’s systemically wrecked in a way he’s never felt before, almost reverently, almost as if Alec had heard his thoughts earlier. 

Alec drains every cry and moan from him, teasing his nipples, his navel, the joint of hip and thigh, his most tender skin, kissing the insides of his knees, even his calves, making him bite his lip and cheek, clutching the sheets for some kind of attempt to ground himself, pleading silently, to hold out, to experience every second of this mind-blowing sweetness, and care, that Alec possesses, that he’s never seen in anyone, that dazes him with ecstasy. 

Every ounce of control collapses the moment Alec’s mouth closes around the tip of his cock, the cries from his throat unintelligible, his body squirming, and writhing, arching in every direction the more he takes him in, the heat, the moisture, the feel of his tongue and teeth, too much as he buries a hand in Alec’s hair, letting wave after wave of his high crash down on him.

~~~

Tingles are spreading from the dip of Magnus’ lower back, where Alec’s fingers are caressing, Magnus’ hand pressed warmly against Alec’s ribcage, his eyes not straying from Alec’s gleaming ones. 

They haven’t yet talked, just lain here, looking, not separating from each other’s touch.

Magnus is pleading his head to stay empty, because he knows he’s utterly out of his depth. About this man, about what they’ve been doing, _feeling_ , and most of all, about himself. And all he wants is to keep looking at him.

He focuses on his eyebrow scar, and suddenly can’t control the urge to run his finger over it. 

“A flying knife,” Alec whispers, watching him like there was nothing else in the world to look at, and Magnus understands instantly, his chest aflutter.

He startles invisibly when he suddenly feels Alec’s finger tracing the scar on his hip, another one higher over his rib, languidly caressing the pitted skin. 

He feels as if part of himself is laid bare, his heart pushing its speed rapidly, a warped sense of flight blooming inside of him by nature, held captive and still only by those hazel eyes, powerful enough to obliterate him at his most vulnerable, gentle and kind enough to lure him into believing what he fears the most. 

Alec’s fingers are tracing his jaw, cheek, temple, brow, eyebrows, and down over his nose, and lips, to his chin. And Magnus finally breathes.

His heart shouldn’t be trampling like a herd of bisons, but he can’t think of another comparison. He watched a program about them once, and he was certain the ground was shaking with the force of their hooves. He feels like Alec is that earth-shattering force now, and he’s the ground vibrating beneath it.

Alec’s nose crinkles in the sweetest way before his lips come to rest against Magnus’, a mere moment before they’re brushing along every tender and sore spot, to the corners of his mouth, invigorating him, bone-deep. _What are you doing to me?_

Right at this moment, he can’t let himself care, slipping his hand around Alec’s shoulder to his neck, deepening the kiss lengthily.

Alec’s eyes crinkle at the corners when they part, his breath still against his mouth, and Magnus could be shown all the masterpieces in the world, none could compare to this sight right in front of him. He touches Alec’s bottom lip with two of his fingertips, marveling. 

“What about that stamina of yours? Is it exhausted already?” Alec smiles against his fingers, his tongue peering out to lick over a fingertip, as he’s palming his cheek, his thumb swiping the skin under his eye gently.

Magnus wants to laugh, cry, maybe combust. Instead, his lips quirk up as he lifts an eyebrow. 

“You must have an unquenchable thirst.” Surely, even he must be feeling some kind of weariness after all that exertion, especially from the emotionally taxing part of it. 

Alec has the decency to blush, which only makes him more admirable, then he turns backwards, reaches for something, and displays the bottle, Magnus must admit, he had completely forgotten about. _Fuck._

He laughs softly, falls back into the pillow and groans as if suffering, throwing an arm over his face, which doesn’t seem to discourage Alec even slightly, as he can feel his hand skimming along his stomach, ribcage, and chest while soft lips press against his throat. 

_Oh god. Is this my reward for all those years I had to live in abstinence? I want to survive it, though, please._

He chuckles at his own thoughts, shudders from Alec’s touches, and moves his arm down, over Alec’s shoulders, meeting his eyes.

“If you’re too tired, it’s okay. Also if you just don’t want to.” The earnest concern in his eyes, stuns Magnus once more, but also makes something inside him go feral. As if he could ever deny this one. He wishes it wouldn’t be so clear to him, but there’s no denying it, or turning back time. 

Magnus caresses the soft crease on Alec’s brow. “Don’t you worry about me wanting you.” 

His finger reaches Alec’s nose dimple, drops to his lips, and slightly in between them, and the moment Alec opens up, his tongue licking his finger, he knows he isn’t worried, at all. 

Magnus moves his head forward, his tongue joining Alec’s, leaving his finger to trail damply over his chin, along his throat, shifting his body on top of him, then reaches for Alec’s hand with the bottle, taking it from him as he sits up.

“You know what this is for?” 

Alec nods, as he expected. 

“And you want-”

“I want to feel you, like that, please.” Magnus shudders so much his eyes shut for a moment. 

_The death of me, he is._

He opens his eyes, struck by Alec’s unflinching, almost pleading ones. 

He takes a breath. “This isn’t like what we’ve done before, it’s-” 

“I know, but I don’t care. Everything’s been so great, like…” He struggles for a second, “Fireworks, like getting knocked out without any pain, just amazing.” Alec’s smile makes his eyes shine like stars, and Magnus almost drops forward onto him, pausing just before his face. 

“It might hurt, I’m just warning you.” Because he knows this time will be their last time for tonight, for damn sure, because he will drop like a stone after this, and he cannot allow for this one to turn out badly. 

“I trust you.” It comes over Alec’s lips with such certainty, and affection, Magnus’ heart leaps as if he were stabbed; with something too good to comprehend, or bear.

He must not be moving, but Alec’s arms close around his back, his fingers pressing into his skin everywhere they can reach, as he leans up to kiss Magnus, and he shoves everything that could disturb this moment aside, closes his eyes, and lets himself fall into Alec.

Their lips are sore and their bodies taut with desire as they finally part, and Magnus kisses, licks, and strokes his way down all over Alec’s body, wholly determined to make this as special, and amazing for him as Alec deserves. 

After he reaches his knees, leaving kisses there, too, he hooks his hands under them, and pulls him forward, touching thighs on thighs, smirking at the surprise on Alec’s face. He lets his fingers dance along his thigh muscles, to the inner, more sensitive parts, watching in delight how it makes him contort, his skin riddled with tiny bumps, his breath hitching.

“Magnus-” He moans breathlessly, fared pupils, and red swollen lips, pearls of sweat gathering on his forehead, all over his body. He’s devastating.

Magnus shushes him tenderly, moves back a little, and lifts Alec’s calves over his shoulders, now able to get to those gorgeous inner thighs with his mouth, trailing lines of wet kisses, little licks, and soft bites along his trembling muscles while listening to Alec’s whines and moans. 

He licks over his erection once, further down to his balls, and even further, adjusting Alec’s hips to better gain access, before swiping his tongue over Alec’s muscle ring, feeling an inrush of shivers from Alec’s untamed sounds.

He blissfully tortures him like this until he fears they won’t get to where they want to if he continues, pulls back, climbs over him to retrieve the bottle, and pauses to kiss Alec’s hot, sweaty face, his pupils almost blown now, his breath laboured. 

He slowly calms him with soft, sweet kisses, extending them downwards when he deems it safe to, his fingers already working to spread the lubrication, checking on him several times before he invades him slowly with a finger, ready to stop at any time Alec wants him to.

After the first hurdle, and Alec promising he’s fine, Magnus starts to relax some, caressing Alec’s skin with his mouth while slowly opening him up, making him pliant and loose, and a little mad with pleasure, judging from his unbridled cries. 

Magnus also feels mad with desire, but ensuring Alec’s comfort is the most important goal for him. He carefully slides onto his body, kisses his lips, caresses his face, their eyes silently communicating, and when he sees what he must, he kisses him again, slow and deep, shifting to ready himself before he adjusts Alec’s body for him to join.

He’s very cautious, every inch of him trembling, gazing at Alec’s face all the while, whose fingers are dug deeply into Magnus’ back, his legs high around his hips, gasps and moans rushing from his mouth, his eyes assuring, wanting, _needing._

And finally Magnus can let go. 

He’s never felt this magnitude of relish, passion, or dedication, while sinking deeper and deeper into his body, melting together, drowning in his eyes, salving his heart, balming his soul.

Sweat blends with tears, their mouths inseparable, bliss rising to unknown heights as they move as one, Alec’s fingers clawing down Magnus’ back. 

Their kisses are soft and urgent in turn, their moans heavy and charged, their bodies covered in sweat, as heat and rapture rises, the urgency unendurable, swooping one after the other over the edge, mind-shattering.

~~~

The awakening always arrives, no matter how far he tries to banish it.

Alec is sleeping, his back pressed against his side, Magnus’ hand he looked for, and took in his before he dropped, still in his grasp. His hand is warm, every once in a while twitching ever so lightly. 

It’s a miracle, their hands entwined. Skin on skin, a perilous sin. But not with _him._

Magnus has felt the presence of truly special people before, his family. Kind, and good, trying their best, wanting to redeem themselves for whatever they feel they must. 

He simply sensed it, their warmth, their strong hearts, their honesty. He refused to believe in them at first, stunted too much by misery, and hate. 

But even then, he could feel it inside of them, somehow. And looking back, he sensed it in Alec from the moment they met. And it should have made him take a step back, reevaluate, and clear his mind. But he had overtaken his mind already. He had let him, damn fool that he is. And now, he is threatening to overtake even more, and Magnus feels helpless, and confused.

He sighs into Alec’s neck, inhaling his smell, shutting his eyes once again, but he knows he won’t be able to fall asleep. Not here. 

And, after all, he did what he came here to do. Holding vigil over Alec’s sleep wasn’t part of the deal. The one he set on his own terms. The one he _has_ to stick to, though he may as well have ripped it to pieces already. But he _can’t_ allow thoughts like that.

He tries for minutes before he finally manages to slip his hand free from Alec’s hold. He sits up very carefully, slips out from under the sheets, and waits at the edge of the bed for a moment. 

Alec’s breathing is still even. He doesn’t stir. Magnus relaxes, runs a hand over his face and through his chaotic hair. He’s in desperate need of a bath, or shower, but he can’t do that here, either.

He gets dressed as quickly and as quietly as he manages, vowing to not look back, but finds himself standing at the side of the bed, looking down at Alec’s beautiful, peaceful face. He looks so young. 

Magnus is only a few years older, but he always sees the traces of what he’s lived through whenever he looks at himself blaring at him. 

On Alec’s face, he only sees wonder. Something precious that needs to be cherished and protected. Maybe even from himself. 

The alleviation he has felt since the moment he laid eyes on Alec today, is fading more and more, and his chest feels sore, and heavy, something dark slithering inside him, squeezing his throat. 

He has to leave. It’s all there is left to do. He got something he never thought possible today. A glimpse of what it’s like to be cared for by this man. And it was utterly too wonderful to ever be a permanent possibility. Not for him. He knows he didn’t even deserve this much. Alec is so much more than he could ever be, and he is truly _good._ Something Magnus can never be again. 

Imagining what ifs, and wishing for things to be different, for _himself_ to be, is painfully pointless, and anger arises as he even ponders the possibility. He can’t allow himself to be this greedy and delusional.

When he opens the door, he finds Merlin in the corridor and crouches down to pet him. “Hey, buddy, came to see him? Go and keep him company, will you?” He whispers, scratching the Siamese cat under his chin, then watches him stride into the bedroom, feeling a strange weariness settling in his chest as he takes a last glance at Alec’s form under the sheet in the dark room. He closes the door quietly.

He makes his way down the large wooden steps, trying to shake the strange glumness spreading, suddenly freezing, becoming aware of someone else. He finds Jace standing at the bottom of the stairs, seemingly waiting for him. _How did he know I would leave?_

Probably because he’d do the same thing, hm? He steps down and faces him, gauging his reaction.

“Let me take you to the gate.” 

Magnus frowns slightly, but nods and follows him outside. Everyone else seems to be asleep, or hiding. 

They get into the Jeep and spend the ten minute drive in tense silence, Magnus looking out of the window at the night sky, desperate to not let himself wonder what he might be thinking about him, about what they’ve done. It’s sacred to him, only for the two of them, and he won’t allow anyone to corrupt it. Anything else in his life, but not this, not Alec.

When the car stops, he glances at him briefly. “Thanks.” He gets out, and expects the gate to open, but instead, Jace gets out of the Jeep, as well, and stands a little way away at his side.

“Whatever it is you truly feel for him, please figure it out, and let him know soon, and be true to it, no matter the consequences.” 

Magnus expected some kind of warning, plea, or the like, and Jace was the most likely candidate in his mind, too. But he must admit that the genuity of his words surprises him, and touches a sore place inside him, one he doesn’t want to share with anyone else, doesn’t even want anyone to know he has. Especially not someone who knows too much about him, just by having been through much of the same. 

For a second he feels compelled to ask him: _How do you do it? How do you live with what you’ve done and find the strength to love and care for someone? How can you let someone else love you?_

He tenses and straightens, pushing his hands into his jacket pockets, looking right ahead. He has no answer, which makes this even more frustrating to him.

“He might not seem like it, but sometimes the strongest people have the most fragile hearts, and they will break.” 

Magnus feels the tension from his jaw expanding into the rest of his body, thoughts, emotions, and memories flashing through his mind. He feels shaky. He feels as if he might also be able to break. 

So he tenses up more, quenches the semblance of frailty that threatens to lodge beneath his ribcage, nods slightly, and feels himself crumbling the moment Jace steps back and opens the gate for him. 

He gets on his motorcycle, and takes the fastest route to the hideout, feeling like hiding for good.

~~~

“Do you think he’s passed out? It’s 1 pm!” Dot presses her ear against Magnus’ room door, her calling him and knocking having had no effect so far.

“Maybe they got drunk.” Raphael suggests, sipping on a cup of coffee. 

“I didn’t smell any alcohol, and he rarely gets drunk these days.” Dot negates him right away. 

“Maybe he’s sexed out, let him sleep, for heaven’s sake.” Ragnor grumbles dramatically, his nose in a thick book. 

“But he never sleeps this late, and we bought his favorite food.” Dot crosses her arms over her chest, leaning against the door, a deep frown creasing her brow. 

“Just let him be, darling, he’ll come when he’s ready.” Catarina caresses her cheek, smiling softly, trying to placate her fiancèe. 

Dot sighs a little, her frown smoothing, her arms sliding around Cat’s neck as she leans in to nuzzle her nose, then kisses her softly.

“You’re right.” 

Everyone relaxes.

“I’ll give him half an hour.” 

Ragnor groans, Cat rolls her eyes fondly, and Raphael finishes his coffee, concealing his smirk.

~~~

Magnus feels disorientated, his limbs heavy, his head crowded with a thick fog. He barely manages to open his eyes, and rests them for some minutes. He hears muffled voices, and smells something, food, but his stomach churns awkwardly. Has he been drinking? He tries to recall, and also figure out what time it is. His hair smells nice, so he had a shower, and then must have dropped - in his own bed. Right. Alone. Like always.

It takes another 30 seconds before he startles and sits upright in bed. He cries out even more startled when the door suddenly opens and Dot comes in like a whirlwind. 

“Aha, you’re awake!” She grins, but when she sees his messed up state, she looks concerned instead and sits down at the end of the bed.

“Are you alright? What happened? Why are you so out of it?” 

Magnus rubs his face, unable to meet her eyes. He tries to flatten his hair which is all over the place, like his head. But he just remembered… _Alec._ And… _everything_. And he can’t handle any of it, least of all his nosy friend.

“Just tired, got back late. I got a headache. I think I should just stay in bed.” He lets himself fall backwards. 

“No way, we got tea and meds for your head, and we got your favorite Thai food, and staying in bed all day will only make you feel worse. Come on, get up, you don’t have to get dressed, but join us, please.” 

Magnus groans inwardly, knowing that she won’t relent before he agrees. He nods half-heartedly.

“Alright, we’re waiting for you, don’t be long.” She pats his leg through the bedsheet and gets up.

He sighs, “Yeah,” and pulls the sheet over his head. 

~~~

When Alec wakes up, he feels fucking drained, and sore, and the moment he remembers why, the smile brightening his face could melt an iceberg.

He turns around, blinking confused at the occupier of his bed - not Magnus. “Merlin? How did you-” He turns and sits up. 

“Magnus?” He frowns a little, gets up, and checks the bathroom. Empty. He notices then; only his own clothes are left on the floor. A shudder of disappointment weaves through him, but he quickly shakes it off. 

He probably had to go home, or work, or… do something. An idea makes him move again, checking all over the room whether he left a note, but he can’t find anything. Then he checks his phone, thinking he should have done that first. 

But there is no message from Magnus, either. Just Iz asking whether he will ever come out of his room again. He rolls his eyes, but has to smile a little, still feeling a pang of disappointment gnawing on him. 

He takes a shower, brushes his teeth, gets dressed, slips his phone into his pocket, and heads downstairs, Merlin stretching, and following after him. Everyone is gathered for lunch. 

“Have you seen Magnus?” He looks at each one of them expectantly. 

“He left last night,” Jace answers, and Alec feels a little taken aback. Not even this morning? 

“When?”

“Just past midnight.” Alec can’t remember when he fell asleep, everything was too… overwhelming. 

“Did he say anything?” He knows he is way too hopeful and eager, but he can’t help it. 

Jace hesitates, which puzzles him, and makes the jitters in his belly even worse.

“Not really, I just opened the gate for him.” 

Alec’s deflating like a poked balloon. “Oh, right.” 

Iz throws a look at Jace, but he shrugs. It was the truth, after all. 

“Come sit, you need to get some food in you.” Maia gestures at the empty chair, and he sits down a bit listlessly, but soon becomes aware of everyone looking at him, and kicks himself mentally.

“It’s nothing, I mean, it’s all good. He’s a busy man.” He smiles a bit and reaches for the pasta.

“He probably didn’t want to wake you, and he might still be asleep, just message him, I’m sure he’ll answer.” Clary offers with a kind smile, and Simon immediately agrees, making Alec feel a little better. As annoying as these two are at times, they are also very good people. 

After he helps clear the table and with the washing up, he asks Sophie whether she wants to go for a walk, and her enthusiastic tail-wagging tells him she does, indeed. 

They head outside, and he shudders from the sudden chill in the air, but then memories from yesterday flood his mind, and he almost stumbles over a stick on the ground, making him laugh at himself. Nothing feels real, his mind cottony and euphoric, as if he’s stuck in time with Magnus, all of his senses filled with all of him.

He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath of the wonderful, fresh, clean air, and fishes his phone from his pocket. 

He wonders what to write, and it takes him quite a while until he’s satisfied enough to hit send. He forces himself to put his phone away into his jacket, grabs a stick from the ground, and throws it for Sophie. She loves everything as much as other dogs do, not seeming to know she should have four legs, at all. She simply is the way she is, and finds joy in everything, and Alec absolutely adores her. 

But even though they have a lot of fun, the weight of his phone staying silent inside his pocket, is growing heavier on him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things, of course, aren't working out as i wished, but life is simply like this. patience, and all...
> 
> this plot stuff could be much more detailed and intricate and smarter, but i'm not, and it's not the important thing for me in this story, so i hope you can forgive me. 
> 
> hugs to everyone who needs them <3

* * *

Magnus manages to get up, sit at the table, and stir in his food absentmindedly. Even Ragnor puts down his book, giving him a look that clearly states, _What’s wrong with him now?,_ and Magnus would notice if he noticed anything at all.

The other three are sharing concerned, clueless looks, until Dot can’t keep it inside any longer.

“You look like a drop of water that landed in a dirty ditch and is now a muddy puddle of misery.” 

Magnus just nods, his fork still moving exactly the same. 

They’re all frowning now, and Raphael actually leans forward and waves his hand in front of Magnus’ face. No reaction.

Dot squints, then quickly snatches the fork from his hand, which makes him snap back into the present. “Hey, no touching.”

“I didn’t touch you, just this fork. And what the hell is up with you? What went so wrong that you’re… like this?” For a moment, she can’t even think of a suitable comparison.

Magnus frowns, sighs, and rubs his eyes. He just wants to go back to bed, and sleep, though he’s sure he wouldn’t be able to anymore now. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, either. It’s just…

“Nothing happened, I mean, nothing bad, so you needn’t worry.” 

“If you’re like this when nothing bad happens, someone save us all when it does!” Ragnor shuts his book with a loud clap, making Magnus glance his way. He sighs again, and leans back, letting his arms fall to the side, where they hang limply.

“He seems beyond saving,” Raphael muses, somehow finding the situation a little bit funny. 

Dot pokes Magnus’ shoulder with the fork, making him glare at her half-heartedly. “Come on, tell us.”

“We won’t judge, or comment if you don’t want us to. It might help to just talk about it.” Cat smiles gently, and Magnus feels like he just wants to sulk, or whine, or cry, or pull the sheets over his head again, but, even though he knows they will judge him, and comment, and make fun of him, most likely, he probably needs some kind of advice, and they’re his… family, so… 

He drags himself upwards again, crosses his arms on the table, and stares ahead. “We had sex, and I left when he was asleep, and that’s it, really.” 

“Then it must have been the most horrible sex ever,” Ragnor deadpans, and Magnus looks at him horrified, waving his hands, and shaking his head.

“No, hell no! It was… the most… It was… beyond… amazing, and incredible, and anything good I’ve ever felt.” 

They’re all gobsmacked now, not getting anything. 

“So, why are you like this?” Raphael gestures at him, looking baffled.

Magnus slumps into the chair again, looking even more miserable. “Because… I… he… argh, I don’t know! Because-” 

“Oh my god.” 

Suddenly everyone’s looking at Dot, who’s staring at Magnus like she’s had an epiphany.

“You’re in love with him.” She blinks. “Sorry, he would have said that he has never felt like this.” She explains, having looked a few seconds into the future, unable to resist her curiosity. 

Magnus is staring at her, eyes wide, mouth dropped open, but recovers quickly, sitting up straight, turning towards her.

“Hell, no! I’m not… that! No way! I don’t do that!” 

Ragnor leans back, arms half crossed, looking pensive. “Mmm, then it can’t be helped. Unrequited love is the pinnacle of suffering, after all.” 

They’re all looking at him like he lost his wits, but they know he gets these things from the romance novels he denies reading. 

“It’s not unrequited love!” Magnus exclaims. 

“Then he loves you, too?” Raphael is trying hard to figure this out. 

“No!” Magnus is shouting at him now.

“Gods, you people! Get a grip! And stop with these allegations, no one is in love with anyone!” 

Dot immediately points at herself and Cat. Magnus groans. “I mean me, and Alec, none of us, are in love, not with each other, at least.” 

“So, he likes someone else?” 

Magnus wants to strangle Ragnor right at this moment. Instead, he pushes his chair backwards, the noise rather disturbing, making them all flinch. 

He stands, rushes into his room, and shuts the door loudly, so they know to leave him the hell alone. He drops face first on his bed, and wishes he could just suffocate himself. 

Ragnor rubs his chin thoughtfully. “Unrequited love, I’m telling you.” 

~~~

It’s after dinner, and they’re gathered in the living-room of the mansion, playing board games, as they have nothing else to do. It’s weird to be even more separated from the world than they usually are, but they want to make the best of it.

It’s been hours since Alec sent that message, and though he is trying his very best to focus on the game and the conversation, the worry that something he did, or didn’t do, or even interpreted wrongly, or a dozen other possibilities, could have put Magnus off so much he doesn’t even want to reply to his message, is like an itch under his skin he can’t get rid of. 

How could it be? How? Did he not feel as good as Alec thought he did, was absolutely sure, he must have, because of everything they did, and said, and _felt._ How could it change from the most astonishing experience of his life, to… this? And maybe, there is a simple explanation, or he got caught up, lost his phone, or… something happened to him. 

Alec flinches back suddenly, a sofa cushion falling to his side that just hit his head. “Wow, he’s really out of it.” Maia comments, and Alec blinks, looking around at everyone confused.

“Where were you? It’s been your turn for five minutes.” Iz tells him, watching him closely.

“Uh, oh, right.” He quickly grabs the dice, rolls, and moves his figure on the board. Fuck, he needs to not think of the worst. Magnus is more than capable, maybe he is really just still asleep. 

“Are you okay?” Lydia asks, and he quickly nods, trying to be normal, casual, not a lunatic who can’t stop obsessing over the most incredible sex he could never even have imagined, with the most gorgeous man, and why said man might not have had an opportunity to answer him. Yeah, he really needs to stop doing that. But _how?!_

“Has he not answered, yet?” Simon asks, very carefully, and Alec tenses up, but then deflates, and shakes his head. 

“But it’s okay, maybe he hasn’t seen it. Let’s just finish the game.” He smiles a bit and they do him the favor, and once it’s finished, and Lydia won the second time, they’re all accusing her in jest of having cheated and manipulated them to win the game, which she denies exuberantly.

Alec smiles at their banter, and leaves quietly to do a perimeter check. He knows it’s redundant, because Simon’s tech has never failed them before, but mostly, he needs to walk off the strain in his body. He left his phone behind, hoping it will help, and instead, notices someone following him after a few minutes. 

He halts and waits for Jace to catch up with him, then they walk on quietly side by side. He’s given up telling him he doesn’t need to do these things anymore, or even thanking him, as it’s just been like this ever since he saved them. It’s quite strange to think they only met because he was tasked with killing them, and they ended up trusting and relying on him more than anyone else they’ve ever known. 

They reach a small hill amidst the forest, and stand there, looking out over the woods and lake, the sun starting to set. 

Alec senses the shift between them, even before Jace starts to speak.

“Will you be alright if he doesn’t feel the same?” 

Alec takes a moment to sort his thoughts, knowing what Jace means, unwilling to deny or play it down. 

“Honestly, I don’t know what I feel myself.” The look he’s giving him reflects his insecurity and confusion. 

“I understand. It’s a lot to figure out at first.” 

Alec nods meekly. “How did you figure it out? How did you know Simon was the right one?” 

Jace blows some air, and smirks lightly. “With very much patience. You know that I was never going to let anyone this close to me, not like that, but one day he just… he was just there, in my heart, like you and Isabelle, it just happened, and when I realized it, it was too late to change it, and I just had to find a way to handle it. I know I’ve not always done it well, but I’ve tried to understand what I felt was real, and if I wanted to be with him, I had to fight a lot of my inner demons I had wanted to lay to rest forever.” 

He turns to look at Alec directly. “I can’t be sure, but he might have to fight some of those demons, too, before he can figure out what he wants, and if you find that he got inside your heart, you must decide whether you want to give him a chance and wait until he’s ready. But you also have to know that he might never be, regardless of what you feel, and that you might hurt a lot, and for a long time, if that’s the case.” 

Alec listens reverently, Jace’s words stirring a lot of mixed emotions inside him, and he isn’t really any wiser than before, but he knows he has to face whatever will happen with him and Magnus, or this, should it turn out to be the end.

He takes a deep breath, and nods, and they head back to the house, where the others made popcorn and hot chocolate, giving lots of love to Sophie and Merlin, and take turns telling a ghost story, everyone making up part of the story as they go along, some more animatedly than others.

Until Simon’s phone rings. 

~~~

Five hours later, Magnus has talked himself into getting up, getting a quick wash, taking care of the mess that is his hair, and gets dressed. He pulls some grimaces in front of the mirror, cursing himself for acting as immature as he hasn’t in years. For no good reason, whatsoever. He’s so glad Alec hasn’t seen him like this. What would he think of him if he knew this side of him? And others, even worse traits of his. He shakes his head, makes a shooting motion at himself in the mirror, and leaves their tiny shared bathroom. 

His stomach growls loudly just as he steps out of his room into the dining area that’s enclosed with the small kitchen. He’s still amazed at times, how they all manage to live here like this, in a really small space for five people, without killing each other. 

It’s truly quite an achievement, mostly thanks to Catarina’s reconciliatory abilities, and Raphael’s usually laid back persona. But they all learned each other’s boundaries and quirks, and most importantly, to respect them. 

“Guys, I’m sorry, I behaved like a jerk, and I’m good now.” They’re all in their respective rooms, but they’re all so close together that he knows they heard him, and Ragnor’s door stays open more often than not, so he can complain about noise, but knows exactly what’s going on, even if he pretends to not be interested, and in bitter need of his privacy. 

Dot is the first to appear, stands before him, sighs, smiles, and blows him a kiss, and he knows she’s dying to hug him, but he isn’t dressed enough for that, and she knows it, too. 

“Hungry?” 

Magnus nods and sits down as she goes to warm up some food for him.

“Thank you for the food, I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate it earlier.” He really feels bad, guilty. And very dumb, and immature, and confused, and a little insecure, too. But he’ll hopefully figure it out. 

“It’s okay, unrequited love does that to someone.” She teases him, knowing full well Ragnor’s words will get him. 

He groans, but smiles with it this time, and shouts towards Ragnor’s open door. “Not true at all!” 

“Stop the yelling, there are other people living here than just you! Be more respectful!” Ragnor shouts back, and Magnus and Dot have a hard time suppressing their giggles, and though he could easily shut the door, with his non-existent _gift_ , which he has done at times, it stays open.

They share an amused look, and he almost wolves down the food when she hands him the plate, feeling as if he hasn’t eaten in days. He decides to not think of why he feels this famished and exerted. He’ll have to face it ( _him_ ) some time, but not just yet. 

He’s just finished his second plate, Cat and Raphael having joined them, when Dot suddenly activates - meaning, she’s staring into space, unmoving - but really she’s seeing something that will happen 30 seconds later, at most. She only reacts this way if it’s something happening outside of her immediate surroundings.

She comes to and looks alarmed. “Someone’s going to call you, and tell you he’s here at the entrance.” She looks at Cat and a second later her phone rings. 

She answers it, listens, and confirms. “It’s Luke, I gave him our location in case he needed us. He said he’s found something important.” She leaves to let him inside and comes back with him, Ragnor joining them as his curiosity piqued. 

“You all know Luke from passing.” Catarina introduces them quickly, having been the only one in contact with him due to her work. 

Magnus has followed him around for a few weeks at a time, to make sure he wasn’t deceiving her, and because he needed something to do to keep himself busy, but they needn’t know that. 

They offer him a seat, already staring at the thick case and bag he’s brought.

“Sorry for the intrusion, but what I have to say, and show you, can’t wait.” 

Half an hour later, they’re all looking a little dazed, even shell-shocked, and an icy shower is running along Magnus’ skin, making him tremble.

Suddenly Dot activates again, and they all know instantly something’s wrong. “Someone else is here, not friends.” 

Whoever it is must have tracked Luke, but there’s no time to apologize or do anything else but rush to get their bags they have always ready to grab in case of an emergency, and leave through the secret, hidden vent in Ragnor’s room they found and made larger, to have an escape route. 

They’re quick on their feet, guiding Luke out safely, and once outside, rain pelting down on them, Ragnor moves his hand once, forcefully, and they hear part of the building below ground collapsing. 

“I’ve told you for weeks that the ceilings are water damaged, it was only a matter of time.” 

Luke looks a little puzzled, but there’s no time to explain Ragnor’s excuses for whenever he uses his ability, though everyone else is shocked he actually _can_ make half a building collapse. 

They rush across the street, and into a narrow alleyway, where Magnus quickly unlocks two large metal doors, and ushers them inside. They help him pull a large tarp off of a large object, a car, as a matter of fact, and quickly get inside. 

A minute later Magnus is driving them as fast as he can, without causing them any suspicion or trouble, towards the forest where the old, abandoned Lightwood mansion resides.

Luke calls Simon on the untraceable phone he gave him when he went into hiding, and lets him know they’re coming, asking about the least dangerous way to get there. They have to dump the car in the lake at the farthest end of the woods, find the little boat shed that’s hidden there, and paddle all the way down the river to a small, marked wharf, leave the boats there, and head into the woods on a narrow path until they reach the first gate. Simon will be able to monitor them, and help them navigate should they need it until then. 

They’re drenched by the time they arrive, but relieved, and the gate opens, two vehicles awaiting them. Clary jumps out of one and runs towards Luke, who catches her and hugs her tightly, her feet leaving the ground.

Magnus smiles even as rain keeps running into his eyes. He feels a sudden shiver in his neck, turns around, and is proven right being watched. Alec stands next to the car, his hand on the open door, looking at him with an expression he isn’t able to read. His stomach flutters, then drops. 

~~~

The moment Simon starts to speak, they all know what’s happening, and start to prepare right away. Alec is the last one to fully grasp the situation. Luke is coming here, with Magnus. 

And the others - but - Magnus. That must be why he couldn’t answer, not that he wants someone to be after them. And he doesn’t know any details, but he finally moves, and they act fast, just waiting for Simon’s go. 

Alec feels jittery when he heads for the cars, knowing he will see Magnus in just a few minutes, and when he does, he has no idea how to feel, at all. And then they’re all getting into the cars and driving back, and he greets the strangers, and there’s no time to speak to Magnus, who happens to get in the other car, anyway, and Alec does his best to not mind, because this situation is serious, and he can’t allow for personal feelings to get the better of him, especially not such unreasonable ones.

Inside, they get the chance to dress in something dry and warm, and are told to then come to the living-room where hot tea and a chimney fire are waiting. Simon is constantly checking every one of his sensors, cameras, and whatever else he’s got hidden. But everything stays quiet. He also keeps monitoring the police station, street cameras, and news to maybe find out who was tracking Luke. 

Alec was quick-witted enough to offer Magnus to change in his room, and though the look between them was deafeningly loud for a moment, he agreed, and Alec followed him upstairs, but waited outside of his room to give him some privacy. 

He feels odd about that, after what they did, shared, but this is… different. And, though, seeing Magnus so suddenly drives his emotions crazy, he still has no idea what’s what, and doesn’t want to jump the gun on anything.

He steps back when the door opens and Magnus appears, and shows him a small smile, which Magnus reciprocates hesitantly. 

“Thanks for that.” 

Alec shakes his head. “No need, are you okay?” 

Magnus nods. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks to you guys and offering up your place like this.” 

“Of course, anything to help.” Alec reassures him almost eagerly, and Magnus smiles a bit again, but somehow all of this feels awkward and wrong to Alec.

“We should join the others, Luke has some really important things to tell you.” Magnus’ look is suddenly different, directly meeting his eyes, and Alec feels a cold shudder along his spine.

“Alright.” He lets Magnus lead the way, but suddenly remembers and speaks before he can think it over.

“Oh, hey, is your phone working?” 

Magnus halts and turns around, frowning in thought. “Yeah, why?” 

Alec looks puzzled but hides it quickly. “Oh, no reason, just wanted to make sure, cause of the rain, and everything.” He swallows thickly, glad when Magnus turns again to head downstairs. 

But then, why hasn’t he replied? He didn’t even seem to know why Alec was asking, or he’s a really good actor. Alec tries to shake it off, joining everyone in the living-room, where it’s quite a tight fit with so many new guests, and soon they’re all looking to Luke, the five others knowing what’s to come, looking very concerned.

~~~

After he got the wrong intel and a gut feeling that he’s had for a long while but never quite knew where to go looking, he finally found a clue, and broke into an old archive that used to belong to the Morgensterns. And, though, he couldn’t stay for long, and was interrupted before he got most of the data, he got enough to confirm his suspicions. 

Lilith Morgenstern, and her son Jonathan, are supposedly working to end The Circle’s experimentations on human beings, and were responsible for shutting down over a dozen of their facilities, celebrated in the media, and the city, like heroes. 

But Luke found out that the Morgensterns’ former company, and Lilith Morgensterns’ late grandfather, were closely working with the founder of The Circle, and sponsored the first experiments some sixty years ago. 

Back then, they went wrong in catastrophic ways, resulting in all kinds of mutations, the substances they used leaking into the groundwater, infecting large parts of the people in the city, its consequences still palpable to this day. 

Luke is sure it’s why so many _normal_ people suddenly develop their _gifts_ while others are born with them. 

Of course, the Morgensterns’ business is all legitimate now, and there seem to be no ties to The Circle any longer, but Luke thinks it’s just a very intricate ploy to deceive everyone. They sacrifice a few of their people and facilities, just to open twice as many in secret where no one is looking. 

“But the old archive is still guarded, how did you even get in there?” Simon has been trying to find anything to confirm Luke’s suspicions.

Luke leans back a little, his hands folded, then looks at Clary, especially. “There’s something I haven’t told you, or anyone, yet. I have an ability, too. I have seldom ever used it, because it didn’t seem right to me, as a detective. I didn’t want to jeopardize my integrity and the trust people had in me. But, now things have changed. I can take on the form of any other human being, so I simply transformed into one of the guards, stole his access card and got it back just in time. I can only keep it up for twenty minutes max, as I haven’t been honing it.” 

Everyone’s looking stunned at him, and Clary is deciding whether to be mad, or not, so she gets up, punches his arm, and then hugs him tightly.

“I’m sorry, kiddo, I didn’t want to risk getting you into any kind of trouble.” She nods in understanding.

“So, what you’re saying is, if we get the Morgensterns arrested, all of this ends?” Maia looks very serious, and very suspicious. 

Clary sits back and Luke looks around at everyone. “I fear that that won’t be enough. I think we have to find the source of how they are running all these facilities and experiments, and get rid of it, and also find enough evidence to hold up in court against them. They are too powerful and influential, we need hard, irrefutable proof.” 

He looks down for a moment, something else troublesome on his mind, then looks at Alec, and Isabelle. 

“There’s something else I found, concerning the two of you.” 

The tension in the room is instantly palpable, and Izzy moves instinctively closer to her brother. 

“I don’t have to say it in front of everyone-” 

“It’s okay.” Izzy is quick to reassure him, and Alec just nods, his face a stony mask.

Magnus already knows what it is, having spotted the paper earlier, and he feels a familiar sickness, and a deep-rooted sorrow inside of him, watching them silently. 

“Among the data I could retrieve, was an order for a delivery, to your family home.” Luke takes the paper he printed out, and hands it to them. 

Alec stares at the words, comprehending their meaning, but is unable to fathom what this means, beyond the words written here. It’s the date their parents got murdered, and it’s signed by Lilith Morgenstern. And that means…

“She had our parents killed?” Izzy’s voice sounds outlandish, prompting Alec to turn to her. 

Her eyes don’t seem to see anything, letting Alec know that she’s right there on that day, and when her tears start to roll down her cheeks, he doesn’t care and pulls her into a hug. He’s clothed enough to be okay, and even if not, they could hardly share more of the same pain. 

She clings to him, her face pressed into his chest, but she doesn’t make a sound. 

“These kinds of delivery orders are used for hits like that, why I was sure when I saw it, but also, because I think she wanted your parents’ research for her experiments. Your parents were the only people to ever get this far with the science of the mind, and I think that’s why-” 

“They had them murdered and wanted us dead, too, as we were the only witnesses.” Alec’s voice is emotionless, and quiet. 

Luke nods, looking solemn. “I’m very sorry.” 

Alec shakes his head lightly. The only person who should be sorry is that demon, Lilith Morgenstern, and in this moment, he vows to make her pay for everything, and every single person whose life she ruined. 

Magnus can see it in his eyes, _feel_ it, just like he felt it, though Alec’s appearing so much calmer than he ever managed. Proof of why he’s so good at what he does, and shouldn’t be underestimated. But his heart breaks for him, and his sister, and he wishes he could spare them this kind of pain, and what revenge does to someone, too. But if that’s what they want to do, then he will help in any way he can. 

He then notices the look on Jace’s face, not just shock at this revelation, but something else, like something has come back to haunt him. He’s sure of it. Another secret? 

~~~

Simon convinced everyone to settle down for the night as there was nothing they could do, and rest was important. Of course, he was trying to find more information, and Luke wanted to help. 

Lydia took Izzy to their bedroom, and Alec checked on them before he decided what to do. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep, not after this. 

When he spots Jace, he instantly senses his need to talk, and they hide in a former office. Alec leans against the large wooden desk, crossing his arms while he watches Jace attentively, getting a feeling this isn’t just about what they learned tonight. He has studied his friend, guardian, and protector for ten years, after all. 

“Just say it.” 

Jace has been uncharacteristically fidgety, which he only becomes on rare occasions, and it worries Alec even more.

He stands straight suddenly, bracing himself. “It’s not that I forgot about it, but I never thought it to be important once I had decided to save the two of you, and disobey the order.” 

Alec’s wholly taut and alarmed instantly, his eyes wide. 

“Killing you two wasn’t the only part of the original order. Actually, I was to take Isabelle back to the facility, and once they retrieved what they wanted, eliminate her.” 

Alec feels shell-shocked, and confused, and Jace knows, so he continues right away.

“I don’t know exactly what they wanted, but I overheard something that now makes sense. I think they were looking for something very specific at your parents’ home, but they never found it, and they knew about Isabelle’s ability. I’m sure now that they wanted to harvest her memories, hoping they would find a clue that would lead them there.” 

~~~

Magnus checks on Dot and Cat who assure him they’re fine, before he knocks at Raphael, and Ragnor’s door. They had quabbled for a minute about sharing a room, but to his surprise, agreed on it, anyway. Maybe it’s this strange, old house, and the whole messy situation. He finds them both reading, and wishes them a good night’s sleep. 

“Take care of yourself.” Ragnor tells him before he leaves. 

Hmm, he has no idea how to do that right now, except focus on the task at hand, and they will have a lot of those to tackle, it seems. 

He told Maia and Clary, who assigned rooms to everyone, that he was fine on the couch, as he doesn’t think he’ll sleep much anyway, and goes back to the living-room when everyone’s left. He goes through his things, and suddenly remembers Alec asking about his phone. He finds it in his jacket, his eyes wide as he sees the message alert from _Alec_ . _Oh fuck!_

_Hey, I hope you got back okay, and got some good sleep. I just wanted to thank you for yesterday, and I hope to see you again soon. A_

It’s a nice message. But considering everything Magnus now knows about Alec, this probably took him a while to write, to even think about. He can imagine him deleting it over and over, trying again and again. Because Alec is the type of person who cares about things like that. Not being too forward, but also making sure to convey that he cares. Fuck. 

Magnus drops his head, shuts his eyes, and sighs deeply. If he hadn’t been such a complete dumb fuck, he would’ve thought to check his phone - actually, he should have sent a message, or even left a note, and not just vanish in the middle of the night. What if Alec woke up and looked for him? What if he looked for a message from him? What if he thought that… fuck! 

Magnus drops his phone, and goes to look for him. He knows Alec has other worries and heartaches to deal with right now, but Magnus never meant to add to them, and if he can at least quench this one, maybe it will make Alec feel a tiny bit better. Maybe he’s only being selfish, because if Alec forgives him, he will feel better. 

He looks everywhere he can think of, and is accessible, even knocks on his bedroom door, but he can’t find him, and walks back downstairs puzzledly, and slightly more worried. 

Suddenly he’s aware of someone breathing quite strangely - panting, actually. He finds Sophie sitting at the end of the staircase, looking at him.

He smiles and crouches down to pet her. “Hey, girl. Where’s Alec? Do you know?” He doesn’t really expect an answer from her, but she moves immediately, back up the stairs. He frowns and follows her - to Alec’s room. 

He’s even more confused now, but knocks once again, takes courage, and opens the door a little, peeking inside. Alec’s not anywhere he can see, and the bathroom door is open, but he feels a draft from somewhere, and steps in, noticing the balcony door is open. It’s rather cold now, but Sophie heads out there, and he follows her, finding Alec standing at the railing, both of his hands grasping the chipped white metal. 

Magnus feels a pang of insecurity. He shouldn’t disturb him right now, but then Alec notices Sophie, and crouches down to pet her, his eyes suddenly on Magnus, and his chance to run vanishes.

“Sorry, I, uh, she showed me where you were, but I can go-” 

Alec stands straight, something urgent in his expression. “No, don’t. Is everything okay?” 

Magnus smiles a little inwardly, amazed at how he immediately cares about everyone else again, first and foremost. 

“Yes, I just-” He tries to find the words, stepping onto the balcony. “I am so sorry, Alec, I never even checked my phone until just now.” He wonders whether he’s looking as contrite as he feels, and judging from Alec’s sudden surprise, and sympathy crossing his face, he does. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. It didn’t even require a reply.” He smiles softly, and for some reason, Magnus feels worse.

“No, I mean, yes, it did. I should have checked, and replied, and I should have-” He pauses, struggling to say what he really means, and now he’s right in front of him again, and all the memories of what they’ve been doing in that room, in that bed, not even a full day ago, even though it feels like much longer somehow, is catching up with him, leaving his head in an even greater mess. But he owes him this much, at least.

“I just can’t let you think that I regret anything we did, because I don’t, and I’m sorry for leaving like that, and also for dumping this on you right now, when you have other-”

“No, it’s alright. I- I’m glad, thank you for telling me. I mean it.” Alec comes across so earnest again that Magnus feels like jumping out of his skin, or better, kissing the shit out of him, but he can’t do that, doesn’t even know if Alec would want that, and surely not now. He nods, smiling gingerly.

“I better go then. I suppose we have a lot to talk about and plan tomorrow.” It’s the exact opposite of what he truly wants, which is to stay here with him, keep him company in any form he’d want, the pull his mere presence imbues for him almost too strong to withstand, but things are complicated, more so than he realized before his episode this morning. 

There’s a flash of something urgent in Alec’s eyes, but he agrees, and walks inside with Sophie and Magnus. “Get some sleep.” 

Magnus smirks a little. “You too, goodnight.” 

He opens the door, looks back once more, and closes it, shutting his eyes, leaning his forehead against the wood for a second. His heart is drumming in his chest, and he feels weighed down, not lighter, even though Alec forgave him. He's trembling beneath his skin, and he doesn’t understand why he’s acting this way, why he feels these things, and why, in that moment, Jace’s words come to haunt him.

He pushes himself off and forces his legs to move.

Alec almost opens the door again to call him back, his fingers itching, his whole being yearning, but he mustn’t. It’s late, and they all need rest, and he is relieved that Magnus sought him out at all, and took the time to explain, which he didn’t have to. 

But Jace’s words about fighting demons have been on his mind a lot, and he won’t ask anything of Magnus, unless he’s offering it on his own. 

He sits down on his bed, cuddles Sophie, and buries his face in her warm, soft fur, closing his eyes. If only something was ever easy. But he doesn’t have time or the capacity to spare emotions right now, anyway. They have a real enemy to defeat now, and take revenge for their parents, and a lot of innocent victims. 

He’s not sure how innocent his parents really were, and he wishes they would have had any other job, but it’s futile. The past is unchangeable, and the future is unpredictable. He can only hope to make the right choices along the way.


	6. Chapter 6

Izzy wakes up in a cold sweat, her heart pounding out of her chest. She quickly checks on Lydia, relieved she didn’t wake her. She washes her face in the bathroom, fastens her long hair in a ponytail, pulls on a robe, and quietly sneaks out, rushing to her brother’s room.

“Alec?” She hopes he is awake, but even if not, she needs to talk to him, and is glad to find him sitting cross-legged on the bed, Sophie lying next to him, her head on his thigh. 

“Iz? What’s wrong?” She hurries over, and gets on the bed, suppressing her need to just wrap her arms around him, as he’s only wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt. 

She mirrors his position before him, her hands slightly shaking. “I think I know what they may have been looking for.” She needs another moment to gather her thoughts. 

“I remember looking for dad one day because he had promised to take us to the ice cream parlor. He wasn’t in his office, and I couldn’t find him anywhere. The door to the basement was a little open, and I knew I wasn’t supposed to go down there, but I was too impatient to care. When I peeked around the corner of the wine cabinet, I saw something, just for a split second, because it scared me, and I felt like I was seeing something forbidden.” 

She takes a breath before she continues. “Dad was standing very still, one hand outstretched, in a kind of light. It was greenish, transparent, shaped like a rectangle, coming out of the wall. I quickly hurried upstairs again and waited with you in the car, and I never asked, or went back there. I just have this weird feeling, you know? I can’t let it go.” 

Alec nods slowly, and hesitates, but then he decides to tell her about what Jace told him last night. She isn’t as shocked or upset as he feared, though.

“It makes perfect sense. But this is the only strange thing I have ever seen. And I want to go and check.” 

~~~

It’s been over ten years since they were forced from their home, and they never went back, until now. Jace, Maia, Lydia, and Ragnor, who was instantly interested when they told the others where they were going, decided to accompany them. Alec wanted to immediately ask Magnus, but killed that notion before he could, leaving him with the others to plan out their next moves. 

But when Alec glanced back a last time, Magnus was already looking at him with a strange, set expression. It gave him goosebumps, but he had no time to ask, or ponder.

Their city house was actually supposed to be demolished at one time, but it never happened, and Alec wonders now, whether The Circle, whether Lilith Morgenstern, never gave up on finding what she thought was hidden inside.

It looks rather squalid on the outside, the security system outdated, giving them no trouble to enter through the overgrown gate and yard. Simon made sure to deactivate all the cameras, and any other kind of device that could alarm someone of their entry. 

Alec feels Izzy’s hand slip into his gloved one as they stand before the front door, and when he glances at her, she’s looking straight ahead, her lips a determined line. 

Memories of this place flood him as they enter, looking around the big hall, the circular staircase, the paintings, or rather, a few damaged frames that remain. Even the walls and the floor are damaged in places, like someone went to work on them. 

“Would it be alright if I searched the library?” Ragnor asks gently, aware of the impact coming back here must have on them. 

Izzy nods and smiles a little, gestures the way for him, and the rest of them leave to the basement. Most of the wine bottles are gone or broken, the shelves knocked over and split. 

And past that, there’s only a wall, made of stone.

“Are you sure it was here?” Maia asks, frowning at the large rock. 

“Yes,” is all Izzy has to answer, and she steps to where she remembers her father standing, exactly, looking in the direction he did. And then stretches out her arm. 

Nothing happens, but she’s not giving up, yet. She takes a couple of steps closer, her fingers, then palm touching the stone where her father’s would have had to touch it, if he did the same, and to everyone’s shock, a green light appears on the wall, a rectangle coming out of it, like a hologram, making her step back in surprise. 

After a minute of nothing else happening, they start to examine the wall further, but there seems to be nothing at all there. 

“Actually, when you activated it, I thought I heard some kind of clicking sound, but it was very faint,” Maia muses.

“Maybe we have to look somewhere else. Your parents had to be very cautious, and if they really hid something inside this house, this is probably some kind of secret mechanism.” 

They agree with Jace, and after taking one more look around the basement, they head upstairs, where Ragnor is coming towards them.

“I thought there was someone else here, because I heard a sudden, strange sound. But I couldn’t see anyone.”

“Where did you hear it?” Alec is already rushing past him, and to where he’s guiding them, the others quick on their heels. 

The library has been half destroyed, most of the books on the floor in piles of dirty, torn papers, and bindings, the shelves torn from the walls. 

“It was right behind this wall, so I checked the other room, but I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.” 

They’re all frowning at the blank wall Ragnor shows them, until Lydia notices something further away, a small cleft where a shelf once was, and as she presses on it, a noise sounds, and part of the wall jolts slightly, but nothing else happens. 

“It must be stuck.” She tries to pull it open, without any success, being gently pushed aside by Ragnor. 

“Let me try.” He stares at the cleft as if willing it to open with his mind, his hands building a triangle, fingertip on fingertip, and the others are regarding him slightly bewildered.

He moves his hands abruptly, opening his eyes, does one wave-like motion, and the wall crumbles, making them jump backwards with surprise. 

Ragnor makes a motion of cleaning his hands, looking satisfied. “I knew this wall looked very brittle, it was only a matter of time. You would have almost caught the brunt of it, dear.” He says to Lydia, then walks off to give the others space.

Lydia frowns deeply, sharing looks with the others, mouthing that the wall was definitely not brittle, at all. But figuring this one out will have to wait. 

There’s a rectangular safe inside, in the same shape as the hologram. 

“Do you know the combination?” Jace asks while studying it, certain it’s made of an unbreakable material, and knowing the code would be much more useful than trying to open it with force.

Izzy looks to Alec but he shakes his head disappointingly. She brings a hand up, her forefinger tapping lightly on her lip as she slowly wanders around the room, stepping over things. 

She didn’t spend a vast amount of time in here, but that shouldn’t matter. Her mind is racing, gathering every kind of piece of numbers she has ever seen anywhere in this house, especially from her parents’ office, and in here. 

Alec watches her, almost holding his breath. If anyone can figure it out, it’s her. The others are quietly talking about possible options, but none of them dares to make an attempt.

Suddenly Izzy freezes, and a moment later, she turns to Alec, looking excited. “There used to be figures on top of every shelf here, do you remember? Six altogether, of mystic creatures.” 

Alec nods slowly, the images coming back to him. But he’s not sure what they have to do with it.

“Let me just zoom in.” She closes her eyes, her fingers on both of her temples, the others watching her slightly confused.  _ Zoom in? _

“I was right!” She suddenly shouts excitedly. “Every figure had a small, Roman number carved into them at the bottom, really small, but I can see them, try it!” She calls on Lydia who’s closest to the safe, and pushes the numbers in as Izzy says them.

“I think it’s wrong.” The safe doesn’t open, and they all deflate, the tension ebbing from their bodies.

“Yes, because I got the sequence wrong.” Izzy closes her eyes once more, and none of them dare to move.

“Their faces were all looking in a different direction, no, not exactly, there were always two facing each other, and, if you go clockwise… no, against the clock.” Her father was always telling her to think outside of the box, and that sometimes, one must go against what’s normal, and standard, against the clock.

Lydia types in the numbers again, and this time, there’s a loud clanking noise, before the safe door opens. 

They all rush over, giving Alec and Izzy priority. There are only two things inside, a memory card, and a flask with a strange, red shimmering liquid. 

“This must be it.” Alec and Izzy share an intense look, nodding at each other before taking the items with them.

~~~

“They actually managed to do it.” Simon is otherwise speechless as he shows everyone gathered around, the contents of the memory card on a big holographic screen amidst them.

It shows in explicit detail how the substance works, what it consists of, how to fabricate it, and how to administer it into the human brain - and how it changes not just the brain, but every living cell inside a body. 

“It changes a human into a superior being, a perfect one.” 

They’re all too shocked to speak, everyone dealing with their own thoughts and feelings on the matter.

The Circle had always strived for perfection, to not create robots, machines, but change the human form in a way only its best assets remained, combining them with the highest possible abilities, and to use them to advance their power in the world.

“But why? Why would they do this?!” Izzy’s scream makes everyone flinch, and Lydia is quick to hug her tightly, every part of her shaking.

“Because a scientist’s hunger for knowledge is unquenchable.” Ragnor muses quietly, grim sarcasm in his voice. 

“Actually, we found out some more about it all, but if you rather take a break-” 

Izzy sits up, wiping her eyes, shaking her head, showing exemplary composure. “Tell us, we need to know everything.” 

Simon nods, and updates them with his and Luke’s findings. Firstly, every one of the people their parents worked with, had been declared missing, or dead, within a year of their murder, and their laboratory was destroyed months earlier, by a supposed gas leak, the explosion leaving nothing behind. 

There was also one report Simon had to dig very deeply to find, through top secret government data, and high security firewalls, from the Lightwoods, stating that their efforts had been unsuccessful, and that they would shut down their current project to dedicate their funds, and time, to something more promising. 

“It looks like they were never going to share this with the world. And this should have been enough to make everyone believe they failed.” Luke adds, hoping to console the siblings a little. He doesn’t believe their parents were bad people, but they had certainly underestimated the length someone like Lilith Morgenstern would go to.

“So, this memory card, and this flask of the substance, is really all that remains to prove any of this? Then let’s destroy it.” Maia suggests, and a few others nod, but Raphael stands slowly.

“Let’s not decide this right now. Maybe this could help us.” 

“Help how?” Dot asks her friend, feeling concerned.

“Maybe we, or someone, could figure out a way to make us normal again, reverse it, maybe there’s a clue in there somehow, or even just wipe the part of our memory we want gone forever.” 

Magnus stands, and puts a gloved hand carefully on his friend’s shoulder. 

Jace is shaking his head slowly. “I don’t think that’s possible, but even if it were, we would need the help of someone who knows what they’re doing, and all the scientists left are part of The Circle, so there is no way this would turn out well for anyone.” 

“You can’t know that every single scientist is with them! We only need to find one in the world, who-” 

“No, those who would understand this to be able to properly use, and alter it, are all dead now. I’m sure they were tortured by The Circle to find out the truth about the Lightwoods’ discovery, and knowledge - power like this - it’s too much for anyone to handle, it would just turn into a disaster eventually, and destroy even more lives.” Catarina is standing in front of Raphael now, her expression kind and understanding, yet final. 

Raphael shuts his eyes, takes a deep breath, and nods, moving away from them. “I need some air,” he murmurs before he leaves the room.

Cat and Magnus sit down again, looking as crestfallen as everyone else. 

Alec’s been silent, and immobile, trying to somehow get his head around all of this. Trying to figure out why his parents hiding the fact they succeeded, doesn’t seem to change anything for him. They still created this. They could have stopped at any time, they could have refused to even try, but they finished it, fully aware of the consequences. He just can’t comprehend this.

“In my opinion, Izzy and Alec should decide what to do with it.” Maia states, resulting in Izzy and Alec looking at her perplexed.

“If I may,” Magnus interjects. “I think it’s best for now to just keep it hidden, and decide what to do with it later, when things have settled a little.” He looks at Izzy, and Alec in turn, and when they both agree, at Simon, who nods, and takes the task of hiding the items on himself.

“We should make some food,” Dot says carefully, her hand petting Catarina’s thigh gently, to initiate her to come with. 

Ragnor goes with them, but to look after Raphael instead.

Alec leaves soon after, picking up Merlin on the way upstairs, who’s snuggling against his chest, purring loudly, and Alec keeps holding and petting him as he walks back and forth in his room for several minutes, finally pausing to look outside. 

He wishes so much he could talk just one last time, just for one minute, to either of his parents, to make them explain. But he knows he will live with this uncertainty forever. It’s just something else he has to accept, and bear the discomfort in his heart. 

~~~

Clary is scrolling and scanning through the data Simon gathered about the Morgensterns, just to have something to do while most of them are gone, the rest of them talking quietly.

She checks everything they know about The Circle, about how they operate, and the locations they believe could serve as cover-ups for their facilities, all belonging to Lilith Morgenstern, who seems to own half the city, anyway. There is something starting to work in her mind, a few cogs slowly winding together.

“Guys.” She waits until they’re looking at her. “You know, maintaining these facilities must take a lot of power, considering what they’re doing. And some are as remote as a ship on the sea, or storage houses outside of the city, and I know for a fact, that the city’s power system isn’t able to handle that kind of additional demand, so what is their power source, or where is it?” 

Simon looks at her surprised, then his face lights up at this new challenge, and he gets to work immediately, Clary joining him, excited to help, and maybe find a new clue as to how to achieve their goal.

~~~

Magnus left shortly after Alec, but he feels antsy and aimless, wandering around the mansion. He hopes Raphael will be alright, wishing he could have given him some hope, but he will never trust any of these scientific findings, substances, and experiments. He never has, he only chose to use them for his own vengeful purposes. 

Sometimes he wonders what would have happened - what his life would have been like - if he had escaped, and not avenged his mother. It didn’t bring her back, after all. But thoughts like these are worthless, in the end. 

He chose his path, and he followed it, until it was time to choose another one, and now, he seems to be on a new one, again. But not on his own. They’re all in this together, at least until it’s done. And he decides to postpone wondering what their lives will be like afterwards.

He checks up on everyone, but the only one being on their own seems to be Alec, and it takes Magnus a whole ten minutes of back and forth before he tells himself to stop being a bloody idiot, and knocks on Alec’s door. 

He’s asked to come in, and when he sees Alec’s features softening the moment he recognizes Magnus, something inside him opens up that’s usually tightly locked, and unyielding. 

He knows he’s pretty strong, but lately, in the presence of this man, he has felt unsteady, even fragile, and yet he feels drawn to him, like a moth to light.

“Am I-” Magnus trails off, as Alec pats the bed next to himself and Merlin, and Magnus braces himself, unable to hide his smile. 

But his body is tingling all over immediately as he moves cautiously to sit, reaching out slowly to caress Merlin’s head that he’s stretching towards Magnus. 

“He really soaks up every piece of attention and care.” Alec muses, smiling fondly down at the cat, making Magnus take a proper look at his face.  _ Gods, help me. _

“A bit like us.” 

He glances down again, avoiding Alec’s curious gaze, Merlin moving, making their fingers touch accidentally, a jolt of sparks hitting his nerve-endings, running through his hand and arm. This can’t be normal, but screw normal. It doesn’t seem to exist anyway, or their normal is simply madness. 

Their eyes are suddenly locked, and Merlin moves over to Magnus’ lap, kneading his thighs with his paws, his claws pricking slightly through Magnus’ pants, adding to the tingling sensations increasing tenfold.

“Is it wrong that I just want to forget today for a bit?” Alec’s voice sounds hoarse, pleading, and Magnus forgets everything, just wanting to give him anything he needs to make his eyes shine bright again, and wipe the sadness off of his face.

He quickly shakes his head, his hands stroking Merlin absently. “No.” 

“Then is it wrong that I just want to kiss you right now?” Alec’s eyes are swimming with emotions, binding Magnus’ whole being, letting him think that, if he were to exist just to make Alec feel good, it would be a worthy existence. 

“No.” He’s even faster to assure him this time, his body pulled towards the other man, unable to resist, watching Alec’s eyes closing, his head tilting, his lips parting, and Magnus loses every coherent thought. 

Alec knows it’s poor and inappropriate, and he should be smarter and stronger than this, but the moment he saw it was him, he felt like his bones were melting, his mind dizzying, the longing inside him growing voraciously.

And it’s alright, because Magnus wouldn’t kiss him if he didn’t want as much, too, and he said he had no regrets, and he believes him. Alec is fine with that. Magnus is the only person in the world who can grant him true relief from everything that’s hurting, and haunting him, and he feels too weak, and too vulnerable, to deny himself. 

Merlin jumps off of the bed as they lie backwards, looking for another spot to sleep on for the time being. 

Magnus slips a hand beneath Alec’s shirt, touching soft hair and skin around his navel, his fingers swiftly, and deftly opening his pants while their mouths are glued together, Alec’s hands pulling him closer, stroking along his body incessantly. 

He pushes Alec’s shirt up, pulling his pants and underwear down as far as he can without pausing their kiss, but moves back finally, grinning in surprise when Alec just won’t let him go. 

“Just,” he pecks him, “for,” kisses him again quickly, “a minute.” He laughs softly when Alec pouts adorably, then quickly removes all of his clothes, making Magnus chuckle more as he starts to undress himself.

“You’re too slow,” Alec complains, completely naked already, grabbing Magnus around his waist and pushing him back down on the mattress. 

He smirks, his eyes full of mirth, joy, and passion, and begins to kiss Magnus’ face, along his throat, chest, and further, his hands getting rid of the remaining clothes along the way. 

Magnus feels quite staggered, but immediately surrenders, a smile spreading all over his face, feeling delighted as his body keeps burning up more and more, thanks to Alec’s caresses. 

Once Alec has Magnus naked, he moves on top of him, feeling hot and elated, taking in the most astounding sight that is Magnus’ relaxed, pleased face, before he takes his bottom lip in between his teeth gently, nibbles on it, and lets go to swipe his tongue over the gently abused skin, and inside his mouth, to taste every part of him.

Magnus greatly enjoys Alec taking control, and acting on what he feels, and wants, fueling his own desire. Alec eventually shifts upwards a little, giving them both pause to catch their breath, his hands sliding along Magnus’ arms, until his fingers grasp both of his wrists, moving them upwards over Magnus’ head. 

He watches mesmerized as Alec sits up on his stomach, his hands now caressing over his palms and wrists, all along his arms, pits, and collarbones, his chest, and upwards again, gazing at him with affection, and amazement, tearing Magnus open from the inside, part of him wanting to give in, and show him everything, trust him with  _ everything _ , part of him terrified, needing it all to stay buried forever.

He wonders whether Alec can see right through him. Strip him of all the pretence, and artificial bravado. Whether he can see the scared, crying boy, the blood-thirsty killer, the man who wants to be forgiven, and the man who knows he doesn’t deserve it. 

Magnus startles at himself, these sudden, overwhelming thoughts, and emotions, and then forgets everything when he is staring into Alec’s eyes, regarding him with startling tenderness, and longing, just before their lips touch again.

Alec lets go of his hands, stroking along the sides of Magnus’ body, his thighs now wrapped around his hips, feeling each other’s excitement with their growing lust and want for one another. 

Their kisses grow fervently, as if starved of each other, their bodies grinding with ecstatic need, flushed, sweat-covered skin against skin, their hands feverish and possessive. 

Pleasure blossoms and mounts, their moans mingling, swallowed by their hungry mouths, until their cries of passion sound, one after another, holding each other through their highs, until they’re able to part. 

They’re lying still, side by side, listening to their heartbeats normalising.

~~~

When the mind is fuzzy, and the body heavy with all-consuming warmth and blissful exhaustion, it’s so easy to forget, to pretend that everything’s alright, and just the way he wants things to be. 

Magnus is half turned from him, Alec’s fingers brushing the hair on the back of his neck, his eyes heavy-lidded, but unable to close them, to let himself drift.  _ There’s liking someone, and feeling attracted to them. There’s a difference. _

He hates his brain for reminding himself just now, stunned frozen when his fingers slip away as Magnus suddenly moves, as if he had heard him, as if he knows what he’s thinking.

“Can I use your shower?” 

Alec watches as Magnus gathers his clothes, his expression calm, normal. But there is no normal, ever. “Yeah,” he answers mechanically, but Magnus doesn’t seem to notice, barely glancing his way as he thanks him, and disappears in the bathroom, closing the door.

Alec stares at the empty spot next to him, his fingers touching where the sheets are still warm, feeling oddly dejected. He shifts onto his back, looking up at the ceiling, talking himself down. 

He doesn’t need anything else from him, he doesn’t even know what it is he supposedly wants, or why he’s feeling this strangeness again. He got his break from reality, and he should only feel grateful. 

He rolls over, facing the windows, spotting Merlin asleep on the rug, amazed he could sleep through that, even a little amused. But his small smile fades as he hears the water running, and he shuts his eyes, trying to stop himself from imagining Magnus in the shower, and even more so, himself with him.

Alec feels drowsy when he hears Magnus walking back into the room, listening to every sound he’s making, but doesn’t say a word, or move. And when Magnus whispers his name, standing close, he doesn’t answer, everything inside him contracting painfully. 

Soon he hears the door being opened and closed carefully, and his eyes shoot open, his heart hammering as he takes a breath, not knowing he was holding it. 

He feels awful, like he lost his mind, pathetic, and small, and he doesn’t understand any of it. 

He’s mad when he sees the tiny drops, wetting his pillow, and wipes his face harshly, then presses his fists into his eyes until they feel numb, and he isn’t crying anymore. 

~~~

Magnus walks slowly downstairs, a disconcerting sensation gnawing inside his gut since he left Alec in his bed, but he desperately doesn’t want to find trouble where there might be none, and he’s soon distracted by voices coming from the open kitchen. 

“So, he does have a  _ gift? _ But he pretends that he doesn’t?” He thinks he recognizes Lydia’s voice, and confirms it as he peeks inside.

“Pretty much, we actually don’t know a lot about his past, we never pry, and we all have things we don’t want, or can’t talk about.” Catarina speaks, Dot, Maia, and Izzy present, too. 

Lydia nods in understanding, then Maia speaks up, a glint of excitement on her face Magnus hasn’t seen before. 

“Show me again how these sweet buns work.” She addresses Dot, who’s face lights up instantly, and she takes Maia’s arm without any sign of discomfort from her, and pulls her over to the table where a big bowl and other utensils are. 

He watches Dot explain how to form the buns, and then Maia tries it, and her face scrunches up funnily as the dough is sticking to her fingers, but she seems to enjoy it nonetheless. His eyes find Izzy and Lydia, again, their hands tightly entwined, Izzy’s head leaning heavily on Lydia’s shoulder, and she looks emotionally sapped, but there’s a small smile on her lips as she watches Maia and Dot. Lydia wraps her arms around Izzy, and kisses her forehead, and Magnus feels a weird stab inside him, and moves back into the shadows.

He doesn’t have time to ponder as he sees Raphael coming towards him, looking almost as poised as he usually does, but Magnus can read him well by now. 

“I’m sorry about earlier.” He starts, but Magnus shakes his head, quickly checks that he’s wearing his gloves again, and puts a hand gently on Raphael’s shoulder. 

“It’s fine, and I understand.” 

“But you are sure it wouldn’t work.” The question isn’t in his voice, but in his eyes, and Magnus hates to squash his hopes, but entertaining them would be irresponsible.

“I am, and I’m really sorry.” Raphael looks down, but shakes his head slowly, and visibly builds himself up again, meeting his friend’s eyes.

“It’s okay. Any idea what’s for dinner? I’m famished.” 

Magnus is over and over stunned at these people, and their way of getting up after every downfall, no matter how severe. He hopes that never changes, and he hopes he can be there for them when it does. 

“No, why don’t you have a look?” He suggests, his head pointing towards the kitchen, and he watches as he goes. 

So far, everyone has been getting on alright, and there was no talk of trust issues, but that may have been because of the shock everyone’s going through as a result of their recent uncoverings.

But truthfully, Magnus is tired and bored of these issues, and everyone should be smart enough to know they’re all in this together now, and will only have a smidgeon of a chance of success if they work together. 

“Dinner!” Dot is suddenly shouting close to him, carrying a big pot past him to the living-room, and he wonders how long he has just been standing here like an idiot. 

The others are all carrying things past him, too, but even before he can offer, Cat places a stack of plates into his hands, smiling at him, making him smile, too.

Clary, Luke, Jace, and Simon are quick to clear the table for the food and dishes, and soon they’re all gathered around the table. With this many people it would be wiser to use the dining-hall, but it’s cold, wet, damaged quite a lot, and simply uncomfortable. It’s nicer here where it’s warm, and no one appears to mind being a little crowded. 

Magnus sits down and watches everyone quietly for a moment. Simon makes to squeeze in on the armchair next to Jace, but decides to sit on his legs instead, half turning to drop a kiss on Jace’s cheek, and Magnus can’t help being kind of shocked at the way Jace’s eyes shine with emotions, his affection so clear on his face. They certainly didn’t succeed in stripping him of his humanity.

Izzy seems to still be clinging to Lydia, even though she’s smiling softly as she’s talking with Catarina, but her hand, hidden between them, is gripping Lydia’s shirt tightly. And Lydia must be aware, and also schooled in how to comfort her, even though it’s subtle, it’s glaringly obvious to Magnus in this moment. 

Clary is sitting on the floor, between Maia’s legs, a plate on her crossed legs, one hand on Maia’s calf, stroking fondly, and Maia seems more relaxed even than he’s seen her in the kitchen.

He doesn’t know why he keeps focusing on these couples, on the way they interact with each other, on what they must be feeling, and what that means, drifting further into himself, to places he isn’t sure he wants to go, until he’s snapped out of it when someone pushes a plate against his arm. 

“Eat.” Ragnor tells him firmly, and lets go of the plate, giving Magnus no choice but to grab it quickly, before it lands on the floor. 

He blinks, staring at his friend, then a smile pushes through, and he sighs inwardly, and tries the food, which is rather delicious. 

“Hey, where’s Alec? Has anyone told him to come to dinner?” Clary asks everybody around suddenly, and Magnus tenses, shakes it off, and looks at her. 

“He fell asleep earlier.” 

Magnus doesn’t think anything of it, but for some reason everyone is now looking at him, and he shifts a little, an unease settling in his body. 

“So, you were with him?” Simon asks, a sparkle in his eye Magnus really doesn’t like.

“Mhm, I checked on him, to see how he was doing.” He glances down at his food, trying to pretend everything’s completely ordinary.

There are mhms, and ahhs coming from the others now, and he cocks an eyebrow, ready to deny everything, but when he carefully glances around, he doesn’t see more than some smirks on people’s faces, and Luke looking confused, and Jace’s masked face he can’t care to decipher.

He’s glad, and relaxes a little, but now his thoughts are filled with Alec again, and he can’t seem to shake it, and he shouldn’t even want to, or have reason to. They’re not…

Alec strides into the room, abruptly stopping as he seems to realize everyone’s here, and is suddenly the center of attention.

Magnus’ stomach flip flops, instantly aware of Alec’s slightly damp hair, and fresh clothes. 

And the red mark at his hairline  _ might definitely _ be Magnus’ doing. His body is a fucking traitor and he wishes he could shut it down, ignoring the way it shudders and warms from the inside, pointedly looking down now as someone tells Alec to have a seat. He vowed to not make this complicated, so why is he in over his head?

~~~

Their eyes meet once during dinner, and light conversation, mostly had by Ragnor and Luke, who seem to have found their common wavelength in murder mystery, and romance novels. 

Magnus is frozen in time as he glances up, suddenly confronted with a pair of hazel eyes, but the corner of Alec’s lip lifts into a tiny smile, and Magnus pops like an air balloon. But Alec’s already averted his eyes before he can smile back, and he’s mad at himself for that. 

Everyone helps clean up, and they gather once more, Simon and Luke taking the lead.

“Clary made a very important observation earlier. To run The Circle, a power source is needed that highly exceeds the city’s capacities, but, so far, we haven’t found anything. Which means we have to go to the source, to find the source.” 

Luke finishes, and Simon turns on the holographic screen. “After researching, and examining every possibility, I think the data we need is either at Morgenstern’s headquarters, or at their lawyer’s office. Sebastian Verlac is the most sought-after, but has been working exclusively for Lilith Morgenstern for the past two years. I’m sure he knows her secrets, and it’s likely he keeps them safe for her, too.” 

“Can’t you hack into their computers, or something?” Raphael asks, and Simon shakes his head disappointedly.

“These two locations use a kind of super computer that can only be accessed from the inside. Which means we have to get in, find it, and download the data manually. Only the highest government organisations own these, usually, and any attempt at a breech from the outside would be detected immediately.” 

“It’s suspicious that she has them.” Maia frowns, and Simon nods.

“Why I’m sure that we will find what we’re looking for in one or the other.” 

“That means we have to infiltrate both of these locations.” Simon nods again at Jace.

“And we have to do it tonight.” Everyone stares up at Simon in disbelief.

“You’re telling us  _ now? _ ” Maia accuses him. They wasted so much time with dinner and chit chat.

Simon holds up his hands, smiling appeasingly. “Hold your horses, we have enough time. They haven’t even left, yet.” 

Everyone, but Luke, seems to still be confused, but Simon explains quickly that the Morgensterns and Verlac will attend a huge gala tonight that will last for hours, and they always stay until the very end, every year. They also take half of their bodyguards and security with them, which is why tonight is the best option.

“Also, with Luke being able to pose as one of them, it should be quite easy to get access, but as he can’t be in both places at the same time, I will copy the access card as soon as he has taken it, and send Team 2 a copy of it.” 

“Team 2?” Raphael raises an eyebrow. 

“Team A and B better?” Simon asks genuinely.

Raphael is about to answer, but gives in. “Forget it.”

“What if I just shut the power down?” Clary inquires.

“I thought of that, but it wouldn’t work, because, A; any abnormality in these buildings is instantly reported to the police, and a squad will arrive in less than five minutes, and, B; if you would manage to shut down the computer, it would be useless, because the data can only be accessed while it is running.”

Clary’s brow is creased in deep thought as she’s trying to follow. Simon smiles softly. “Don’t worry, it’s complex, and some of the newer tech even I don’t have access to, yet. But I believe this is the best option, and the least dangerous.” 

They all agree, no one seeming to have an issue with trusting Simon on the tech stuff, and decide on two four-member teams; Maia, Clary, Jace, and Luke posing one, and Alec, Magnus, Raphael, and Lydia the other. 

Due to Lydia’s manipulative ability, even without Luke, she could manage to get them inside, and keep trouble away from them. Izzy, who feels a little too unsteady to take part, but wants to be close in case anything happens, and Dot, are joining them as their getaway drivers, and should anyone get hurt in an unlikely, but not impossible, scenario, having Cat close will be of advantage. 

Ragnor decides to join Dot to keep her company, and they think he’s secretly excited about safely being part of some action, after being cooped up underground in their now non-existent hideout for so long. He usually didn’t leave more than once a month, and they still have no idea how he earns his money, just that somehow he does. 

Simon stays behind to overlook, and navigate both teams safely. He equips them with his newest communication devices, a transparent strip glued to their skin behind their ears, non-traceable, and they all dress in their black gear that disguises them head to toe.

Clary, and Alec carry a port each, to use once they have found the computers to download the data. 

They separate, wishing each other good luck, then head into the city to their respective target while Simon takes care of video feeds, and security protocols he can access.

They scout out the area, then the buildings, and Luke easily attains access, walking in with one of the guards, transformed into one of the others. He steals another’s access card while talking sports in the lounge, and inserts it into the device he got from Simon, so its data will be retrieved and copied, and printed out for the other team, who have another device for that.

Both teams arrive safely inside the buildings, now also able to easily overwrite security cameras, to make them invisible, and they find the computers within minutes. Clary, at the Morgenstern headquarters, and Alec, at Verlac’s office, insert the ports, and wait for Simon’s instructions.

The data from both computers floods in instantly, and Simon can only look in shock at the sheer amount. Even he hadn’t expected quite this much. But there’s something else he hadn’t expected also, and only his newest invention lets him know of it, at all. 

“Guys, I don’t want to alarm you, but there is a silent alarm turning on in three minutes if we don’t deactivate it in time. I suppose there’s a switch, or command that has to be used somewhere close by.” He’s already typing away to find out about it. 

Luke is sure it must be in Lilith Morgenstern’s office. She wouldn’t trust anyone else with something like that, so he heads there, thankfully thinking of transforming into her before trying to get access, as a fingerprint and eye scan are needed to get inside. But once that works, and his heart doesn’t explode with the anxiety, and adrenaline rush, he finds the button to press, but there’s a problem.

“It only deactivates with her fingerprint. I’m afraid we need Verlac’s to deactivate the other one.” 

Alec, Magnus, Raphael, and Lydia freeze in shock for a moment. But there’s no time now. Alec pulls the port from the computer, and they make a run for it, almost managing to get out, but suddenly a noisy alarm blares, and the doors and windows shut tightly from the inside, making it impossible to get out - even with the access card.

“Guys, it’s futile, you’re locked in, you have to find another way out.” Simon tries to stay calm, feeling guilty for not having anticipated any of that. 

“The roof.” Magnus thinks quickly, exchanging a look with Alec who agrees, and the four of them hurry upstairs, hiding whenever a guard appears, not wanting to get into a fight, but they will if they must. 

They make it upstairs, taking the stairs after breaking through the glass of one of the doors, out of breath, but undetected, and Magnus and Raphael are quickly securing their escape, fastening the ropes they brought on the rooftop. 

“I guess now is a bad time to be scared of heights.” Lydia says, panting lightly, as she stares down the building, seeming much higher from up here.

“You’ll be fine, just don’t look down, you can go last, I’ll be right under you.” Alec reassures her, and she smirks lightly.

“I’m sure there’s a dirty joke in there somewhere.” She relaxes a little, determined to make it, and Alec smirks, too.

Raphael goes first, secured by Magnus, then Magnus follows him, making sure Alec is okay to go next, who helps Lydia as much as he can. 

They make it all the way down, leaving the rope behind as they can’t hide their presence here any longer now, anyway, and are happy to see the car with Izzy, and Cat inside approaching fast, tyres screeching. They jump inside and are off, Simon telling them which way to go, and where the police are coming from. 

Apparently Verlac and Morgenstern have already learned about the visitors at his office, as well, having left the gala in a hurry.

Luke’s team, however, is out safely, without any trouble, except that they couldn’t get the whole data, but Simon rather has them all back in one piece, fairly confident it’s enough to find their next clue.

~~~

When they’re all back in the mansion, reuniting with relief, Simon reassures them that there’s nothing they could identify them by, and the police reports confirm it. 

“It’s very lucky your transformation into others is this detailed, I honestly wouldn’t have expected it.” 

Luke nods, relieved himself. “I met her once before, and shook her hand. I think I can clone someone I’ve been in contact with in detail. I never had to try it out before like this, it was just the only thing I could think of. Should have thought to plant a bug while I was in there.” He says regretfully.

“It’s fine, I’m sure we have enough, but I’ll need a day to go through everything.” Simon offers with a smile.

“ _ You  _ need to sleep, first.” Jace tells his boyfriend, slipping an arm around his waist, his expression firm, but soft. He knows Simon’s running on fumes, having had no rest since Luke and the others arrived. 

Simon sighs, but concedes, knowing his tech will do much of the work without him anyway, and Magnus turns away as they kiss, feeling like an intruder, but also happy tonight ended well. 

He spots Alec’s back just as he vanishes through the door, and his small smile fades, his fragile confidence shattering.

Lydia is telling Izzy, and whoever’s listening about her descent from the rooftop rather excitedly, as Magnus slips away.

He still feels wired, his skin buzzing with leftover adrenaline, and he heads outside into the cold night, to hopefully walk it off, or he won’t be getting any sleep. 

He spots the tall, dark figure instantly as he reaches the spot where the trees are more dense, and wonders whether Alec is feeling the same. 

“Hey,” he greets him quietly, certain Alec knows he’s here.

“Hey.” 

They walk together, more distance between them than Magnus would like, but caution is his friend, and despite everything that’s going on, his biggest issue seems to be his whirlwind emotions when it comes to Alec, which seems mad, and ironic, but is the truth.

“I didn’t follow you, by the way, I just wanted to walk tonight’s excitement off.” He glances at Alec, his face dimly lit in the darkness, directed straight ahead. 

“Okay.” 

Magnus frowns, his stomach coiling with awkwardness that something seems wrong.

“Are you okay?” Truthfully, how could he be? But this feels more personal, or Magnus’ stupid feelings just make it appear that way.

“Yeah, fine.” 

Magnus feels even worse now with how curt Alec is, and how not fine he sounds.

“I just, I… I need some rest.” 

Magnus stops and stares after him as he walks away with hurried, long steps, and for a while, Magnus doesn’t feel like returning at all. 

But he calms down eventually, and heads back to check on his friends who all seem alright, and he settles on the couch without bothering to change clothes, dozing on and off for a few hours.

~~~

Alec’s standing in his bathroom, his upper body naked, dripping with water like his hair, as he leans over the sink, his eyes shut tightly.

He takes some deep breaths, wipes his face, and straightens, looking at himself in the big mirror. What the hell was that just now with Magnus? He feels himself getting enraged again, but there’s something else layered underneath his annoyance at himself, and trying to figure out what that is, is driving him nuts. 

Facts: They can touch each other, they had sex, they work together, they feel attracted to each other. Alec feels good when they talk, usually. He feels drawn to him, but that’s probably just the attraction - and here is where he wobbles. What is this  _ liking  _ emotion? Is it more? Is it something else? Is it just a side effect? WHAT IS IT?!

And how will he ever find out what Magnus feels? He can’t ask him that. He just can’t. Because either, Magnus will not like that he asked, and tell him so, or distance himself, or tell him he doesn’t  _ like  _ like him, or tell him he  _ does like  _ like him. And all of these options are entirely too much to handle for him. 

He groans, throws more cold water at himself, grabs a towel and dries his hair and skin, and falls on his bed. He changed the sheets before he came down to dinner, and remembering why he had to, is making him groan again. Why is all of this so fucking complicated? And why does he have to feel so much around Magnus all the time? And why can’t he just be…  _ normal? _

He should be worrying about the mission in front of him, about Izzy’s mental state, about his own concerning his parents, and their creation, about literally  _ anything  _ else but Magnus.

He rolls onto his front, pushes his face into the pillow, hitting it with his fist to get rid of his frustration, and turns his head again, sighing. How’s he ever gonna get any sleep like this?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a very fav of mine FEELINGS wise... oh so delicous in my head and heart... wish me luck for finishing the last one soonish... xxx <3

Magnus gets roughly woken by a cushion hitting his face. He frowns and shoves it away, Dot coming into view. Of course. He sighs and rubs his eyes.

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Sorry for that, but the others will be here soon, and I thought you would want to be awake, and change until then.” She smiles sweetly, watching him closely.

He sits up, and groans as he stretches, his body feeling so weary, and his mind, too. 

“Are you really okay?” 

He blinks his eyes open again, Dot’s expression now concerned.

Oh, Dot. Friends can be such a nuisance. He smiles a little, and nods. “Just tired, but I’ll be fine once I’ve showered.” He stands and grabs his bag.

“I mean, is everything okay with Alec? The two of you.” 

Magnus feels an uncomfortable sensation crawling inside of him, but conceals it, and nods, smiling slightly. “Everything is fine, you don’t have to worry.” 

“Are you really sure?” She can be so relentless. 

Magnus looks into her eyes, and somehow he can’t lie to her. _Damnit._

“We are… figuring it out, so stop nagging me.” He grabs the cushion she hit him with earlier, and throws it at her, making her laugh.

His smile fades when he’s alone again, doubt gnawing on his insides, as he’s heading for an unoccupied bathroom that isn’t Alec’s, bracing himself for today.

When he’s ready he hears voices from the kitchen, finding Maia, Clary, and Simon there. Magnus is puzzled over how exhausted Simon looks, like he was going to fall asleep sitting there any second, two cups of coffee before him, and another in his hand.

Before he can decide whether he wants to ask, Clary approaches him. “When his brain has been working non stop for more than two days, he kind of shuts off once he can rest. It’s like all of his energy is sapped out of him, but don’t worry, three to five cups of coffee will do the trick, and he’ll be as good as new.” 

Magnus meets Maia’s smirk, as she shrugs in confirmation. Well, Magnus has seen stranger things, but he doesn’t particularly want to babysit a sapped out Simon, so he excuses himself, after sneaking a cup of coffee himself, almost running straight into Alec, who looks like a mess. 

His hair is all over the place, pillow creases are still visible on his face, and there are small but noticeable grey bags under his eyes, and he’s still wearing his black pants from last night. 

_Interesting_ , Magnus thinks, but also, _why_ does he have to feel undeniably attracted to him, even when he looks like _this?_

“Sorry, coffee?” Alec mumbles, his brain apparently not functioning yet, either.

“In the kitchen.” Magnus helpfully replies, for a moment thinking of offering him his cup, but Alec’s already off, and Magnus shrugs, all the better for him. 

He never thought Simon and Alec could have something like this in common. It’s kind of comical, and kind of sweet, but he immediately tells himself off for thinking that, and leaves the mansion to drink his coffee in peace while overlooking the morning view outside.

The peace lasts approximately three minutes, before every hair on his neck stands, because someone approaches quietly, and steps way too close behind him, but some kind of warning signal which he must have acquired recently, also immediately tells him that that someone is Alec, and that nothing bad can happen if they should touch. 

Except that his emotions go wild instantly, his skin tingling from memories of fingers, and lips, painting every part of him as if he were a cherished canvas, and that is very bad in his books. 

He takes a step to the side, glancing at Alec, a thick strand of dark hair on his forehead, the cusp of it almost reaching his long lashes, his eyes barely open as he blows on his cup of coffee, holding it in both of his big (ungloved) hands, hiding it almost completely from sight. 

Magnus squints, maybe he hasn’t even fully realized what he’s doing. What a fool. Why must he grow fonder of him every day? _Why?_

And why must he look so adorable, even though he’s a mess? Magnus looks ahead, shaking his head, taking another sip of his coffee, inhaling it deeply, attempting calmness.

“Brrrr.” 

Magnus tenses up, and glowers before he glances once more to the side, to see Alec shivering. Did he just come out here to ruin Magnus’ attempt at tranquility? 

“If you’re cold, you should go back inside.” _Please, go._

“M’tryin’ t’wake up.” 

Magnus can’t believe this. _Stay calm._

“I guess your prompt exit last night still didn’t help you get enough rest, then.” He can’t bite his tongue in time. 

Alec’s features shift to confusion, awareness, and finally, he’s opening his eyes properly to look at Magnus. 

He actually looks quite rueful, and Magnus feels how his mild annoyance falls off of him completely, a shiver rushing along his body. 

“It’s fine, I didn’t mean anything by it. You don’t owe me anything.” 

Alec’s look darkens, a crease appearing between his eyebrows, and for a second, Magnus’ focus shifts to the unruly strand of hair, his fingers prickling with the desire to caress it away, but he mustn’t, and Alec’s about to say something anyway when they hear someone yelling - Ragnor, in fact - to come inside for a meeting.

Magnus hates the timing, but maybe it’s better, in case this would have turned into some silly, nonsensical argument - or something entirely different, which every piece of him seems to long for, but just imagining it cuts off his breath, his chest tight and sore. 

No, it’s better this way, even though he would have liked to know what Alec would have said - if only he could read minds. 

They join everyone else in the living-room, Simon looking much more alive, and even Alec seems to have recovered now.

“Good morning, everyone, glad to see you all got some rest. Firstly, just to ease everyone’s mind, or maybe just my own, nothing has surfaced that indicates that there’s any evidence tracing back to us, so that’s brilliant. And, secondly, um, there’s still a lot of data to be analysed. What I can tell you is that there’s some evidence of illegal activity, connected to some other high ups, and we could share that with Luke’s source, and see where it goes, but honestly, I don’t think it’s enough to really threaten the Morgensterns, and I would suggest waiting until we have airtight proof they are working with The Circle, or even running it. But I need more time for that.” 

“Simon is right, we should wait. Verlac isn’t going to even blink if he hears there’s some evidence against Morgenstern, or even himself. He’s way too good, and cunning for that, and he would refute any allegation immediately. We need to hit the jackpot to cut the head off the snake.”

Lydia’s words make a lot of sense to everyone, and they all agree to wait for now until all the data is processed.

Magnus notices Alec disappearing again from the corner of his eye, wishing he wasn’t so attuned to find him in a crowded room, but he cannot help it just now, and being mad about it won’t help his predicament, either. 

He follows the half of the group that are heading to the kitchen to eat breakfast while the others decide to go for a walk with Sophie, seeing as there isn’t much they can do right now.

“Alec can’t have gotten any sleep, and I just wish I could do something, but he’s always been the strong one I could lean on. I don’t think I’ve ever done the same for him.” 

Magnus freezes as he involuntarily catches Izzy, and Lydia, talking in the hall by the staircase. 

“That’s not true, babe. You’re just different in how you deal with your problems, and emotions.” 

“Yes, but, you know he has almost worshipped our parents, even when I had no idea what their work actually was. And this must have been such a blow to him. We can’t even talk to them, so this will just never be solved, and I hate that, and I don’t want to be mad at my dead parents, but I could kill them myself, and I hate feeling like this.” 

Lydia pulls her into her arms. “It’s alright, you’re allowed to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, and you’ll work through it, and so will Alec, it just takes time.” 

Magnus quickly sneaks past them, his heart beating too fast, and he has to take a minute to calm himself, before he can join the others in the kitchen, not at all sure what he’s feeling. 

Eating some oatmeal, fruit, and toast with chocolate spread - he had no idea how hungry he was - helps to take his mind off of it, plus listening to the others talking about sea creatures, which is apparently one of Maia’s passions, and she’s getting an online degree in marine biology with a fake identity that Simon set up for her, the only way she could realize her dream. 

Ragnor knows a thing or two about it, too, it seems, as he recites a poem Magnus has never heard of, by John Masefield.

_I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,_

_And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by;_

_And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,_

_And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking._

_I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide_

_Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;_

_And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,_

_And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying._

_I must down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,_

_To the gull’s way and the whale’s way where the wind’s like a whetted knife;_

_And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,_

_And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over._

Magnus rather likes it, and Ragnor seems like he’s vastly enjoying everyone’s attention. When Magnus thinks about it, Ragnor reads _so_ much, always has, he probably knows something about almost everything.

The even greater surprise, however, is Raphael knowing like a dozen different types of sharks, their distinctions, and habitats. “Sharks are misunderstood, and misjudged, they’re not the ruthless killers people think they are.” 

When he hears those words from his friend, it makes perfect sense, and he should have known that about him. Maybe he hasn’t been paying enough attention.

Magnus is glad, however, that these two got into Maia’s good books, because he was most concerned about her, and Jace, if he’s honest with himself. But it seems there’s no reason to worry about her, and Jace has left him alone, as well, up until now. 

And he likes that his family gets along with Alec’s, finding common interests, and understanding for each other. 

Seems the only two who need to sort their shit out, are Alec and Magnus themselves.

Magnus wanders the habitable part of the mansion for a little while, avoiding Alec’s bedroom, but then he’s seen that plenty. 

He doesn’t really know what to do, feeling more and more antsy. But, to his joy, he finds Merlin asleep in the lounge he and Alec - _explored -_ in, namely kissed for the first time, and the cat is very happy to get company, so Magnus stays with him, undressing his gloves to stroke him, surfing on his phone while Merlin purrs and kneads his chest when Magnus slides down into the lounge chair, one foot down, one up on the edge of the furniture. 

Merlin falls asleep soon after, and Magnus couldn’t move if he wanted to.

~~~

Cat finds him as she hears Merlin scratching and meowing behind the door, and he runs like hell once she opens it. 

Magnus startles and looks around, not knowing where he is for a moment, but seeing a familiar face, he sits up, wiping away the remnants of sleep from his face.

“Hey, we were wondering where you got to. I’m glad you got some rest.” She sits down in the other chair as he rubs his face, and remembers how he got here.

“I found Merlin, and then I must have dropped off.” He yawns and stretches, then pulls on his gloves, and looks at her.

“Any news?” 

She shakes her head. “Not yet. We have to be patient.” 

Magnus nods, moving his hands over his thighs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

He stills his movements, and cocks an eyebrow, but he knows how perceptive Cat is, as well, and somehow, over the years, even Ragnor and Raphael learned to read him a lot better, or he just kept failing at hiding his emotions. 

But does he want to talk about _it?_ He smiles a little deprecatingly at himself, then shrugs.

“You like him, don’t you? And before you try to deflect, I do mean more than sex. And I’m guessing you haven’t talked about it.” 

He frowns darkly, pouting a little, not willing to admit to anything. Because she means that kind of _like_ , and he does avoid that topic at all costs if he can, isn’t even sure about anything.

“I wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t sense you’re hurting because of this, and if that’s the case, I think you should talk sooner rather than later, and clarify what you both want from this relationship. That’s all I wanted to say.” 

She smiles softly, stands, moves her hand up, presses two fingers on her lips, kisses them, and holds them out towards his face. It’s her way of kissing his cheek, he knows. And somehow it always brings him comfort, and lets him know there’s someone out there who cares for him. 

And one person like that is all you really need. And he has several now, and he doesn’t deserve this much luck. He doesn’t _deserve-_

He smiles at her, feeling a strange sadness taking him over, settling inside his wounded chest. 

She leaves, and he has no idea what to do about this. Or about Alec. It’s too soon, isn’t it? And talking about feelings is such a hassle. Especially when you’re not used to it. He wouldn’t know where to start. And what would he even say to him? I want to kiss you even when you look like shit? Hmmm, and does that even mean he _likes_ him? It’s just too hard. 

The one time he thought he was in love isn’t any help, either, because he feels different, he _is_ a different person, he hopes, but constantly doubts, and the circumstances were insanely different, and that person was also the exact opposite of Alec, not just in gender. So, how is he meant to figure this out? 

He shakes his head, frustration taking over at his stupid notions. There’s nothing to figure out. He made that clear to himself, right from the start. There can’t be anything more than this, and Alec must know it, too. 

~~

Izzy finds Alec in his room after he showered and changed, resembling a caged in animal. She makes him sit with her on the chairs, refraining from touching him, though, it’s all she wants to do. Hug him, tell him stories, and make him tell her one of his own, just like a million years ago, or so it sometimes seems to her.

Their life then seems an eternity away, even though she can remember every detail of it. 

“If you want to curse or scream, you can do it with me.” 

Alec’s brow puckers, and she can tell he doesn’t take her seriously, or rather, would never consider taking her up on it. 

“What then? Do you want to punch someone? I’ll tell you what I wish I could do. I wish I could go to their grave, dig them up, and shake their boney remains until they fall apart. And then I want to kick them, and scream at them. It helps to visualize it.” 

Alec frowns deeply, wondering whether she would actually do it, because it’s never quite out of the question with her. 

He shakes his head slowly, however. He has literally no clue what he wants to do. 

“Alec. Just… don’t suffer silently, not about this.” 

Her eyes are fierce and pleading, but Alec feels kind of helpless. “Why? Just because it’s the second worst thing that ever happened to us? Actually third, at least no one died, or tried to kill us when we discovered it.” 

“But they’re our _parents._ ” 

“I _know!_ But it doesn’t matter. We can’t change it, and they can’t change it, either. The only good thing is that it’s never been found by anyone else. And I think we should destroy it all, completely.” 

“Probably, but-”

“Iz.” He grabs her hand with one of his gloved ones, his fingers digging softly into her skin. 

“Please, try to let it go. There’s nothing good for us in pursuing it. And I can’t… I can’t waste my sanity on hating them, or trying to figure out why they did what they did, and why they were the people they were, and why we had to suffer for it. I just can’t do it, I don’t think… I’m not strong enough. I don’t want that kind of hurt inside me, I want to feel… okay, one day. I’m sorry.” 

Their eyes are swimming with unshed tears, and they’re just looking at one another for a long moment, both pleading with the other, fighting a silent battle. 

Izzy moves first, closes her eyes, takes a breath, turns her hand under Alec’s to hold his, as well, and nods, relief washing over him, mixed with guilt, and regret. But he wants for her to be okay even more.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to scream, or grieve, or dig up their grave if you really must.” 

He smiles a little wobbly, emotionally charged, and when she smiles, a dire sob escaping, he stands and pulls her up into his arms, her head beneath his chin, just trying to spend comfort, get her through this, get himself through, somehow. He’ll have to work a lot more on that. But later, she always comes first.

She composes herself much more quickly than he expected, and he fears it’s for his benefit, even though he has promised her countless times that it’s okay, she couldn’t get over the trauma of learning how she’s been causing him pain. It’s his greatest regret, and he can only hope, one day, that that part of her will heal, too. 

She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, smiling a little, and sits back down again, Alec following her example. He pours a glass of water and slides it towards her, watching as she empties it in a few long swigs.

She sighs, and wipes her mouth, suppressing a burp, making Alec smirk, and herself laugh softly.

Once they’re calm again, she surprises him with her next words. “You haven’t asked me about Magnus.” 

Alec’s confused. “Asked you?”

“He was the one who opened the doors for us to escape, remember? The other children, and me, though I think they didn’t have a chance, I only got away because you were there.” 

Alec hasn’t forgotten, of course. He was shocked to find out that _Magnus_ of all people was the one who helped her when she was kidnapped, but somehow, with everything else going on, it wasn’t high enough on his list, and he did thank him. It’s in the past, anyway.

“I don’t think he ever wanted people to-, no, that’s wrong, he wanted some people to hurt, and die, but he didn’t want innocent people to be harmed.” 

Alec nods a little, no clue about Magnus’ past, but he imagines it must have been much the same as Jace’s, at least concerning his upbringing inside The Circle. 

“Do you want to kill those who murdered our parents? And Lilith Morgenstern who ordered them to do it?” 

Alec feels an ice cold shudder all over him, and he has to shake it off, leaning back against the chair, crossing his arms lightly, his hands gripping his upper arms. 

“I honestly don’t know. But, if the choice is that they go free, or kill them-” 

Izzy nods in complete understanding. And they don’t have to continue that topic.

“Then, can I ask about Magnus?” 

Alec squints, trying to read her expression, and what she’s after, but it can really only be one thing, judging from the spark in her eyes. He doesn’t even have time to decide whether he wants to take the opportunity, or bury it all forever in his mind.

“How was it? And don’t even start with me and your _None of your business_ stuff _._ We’re alone now, so spill.” 

She looks disturbingly excited, and expectantly now, and Alec would ignore her, if only he could, but seeing her like this is a million times preferable to sad, or hurt, and it’s not that he feels weird, or even shy about it, which he thought he maybe would. Sex, somehow, isn’t his problem, but analysing what is, is part of it, because he really doesn’t want to. It only makes him miserable, which is pathetic at best.

“Pretty… great.” He says honestly, and her face lights up, her smile so bright it makes him chuckle.

“Yes? Oh my god, tell me more, just a little, please!” 

He groans playfully at her crazy enthusiasm, but he also feels kind of nice to be able to share it with her, and have someone who truly cares for him, in every way, even if it’s a bit too much at times. 

“Well, just being able to touch someone, and be touched, it’s crazy. Like my body goes all weird, and it’s like hundreds of sparks, and goosebumps, and it never stops. And the best part is that he feels it, too. It’s really overwhelming.” 

“Wow.” She looks a little dazed, staring at him, and he flushes a bit, shaking his head amusedly.

“Do you think it would be with anyone like this? Or is he special?” 

Alec has no idea how to answer that. He shrugs. “I can’t say, I have no comparison-”

“I know, but don’t you feel like, if you had sex with a hundred different guys, it wouldn’t feel the same way? Would you even want to? I wouldn’t want anyone but Lydia.” 

Alec nods a little, trying to think about that, but it’s impossible to know. “Well, you’re in love.” It must be like that, at least for many people. For those he knows. 

“Yeah, hmmm.” She taps her forefinger on her lip, and Alec ponders what she’s thinking so hard about, but then she gets a message on her phone, and checks it.

“Alright, thank you for confiding in me, and I wish you _a lot_ more amazing sparks.” She smirks, and stands, and walks to the door, turns back around, and gestures him to follow.

“C’mon, it’s game night.” She grins.

Alec frowns.

~~~

They find the five newcomers, Maia, Lydia, and Clary, divided into two groups, both playing Cluedo, the only board game they own two sets of. Both groups are rather engrossed in it, seeming competitive in their own individual ways, trying their best to detect the murderer, the weapon, and the room where it happened. Sophie and Merlin are snuggled together on the rug amidst them, enjoying the occasional affections from different people.

Izzy, and Alec just watch them, amused and a little fascinated, everyone seeming so focused and determined to be the first to call it. 

Alec’s eyes wander, stuck on Magnus’ face, crinkled in concentration as he stares at his piece of paper, keeping it well hidden from everyone else. Alec feels… he _feels. Too much._

That’s, very simply put, all he does, concerning Magnus. He feels things he’s never felt, with an intensity that worries him, that he simultaneously craves every time he only thinks of him, though it gets much worse when he’s with him, and definitely piques when they’re alone.

Alec freezes as an onslaught of tingles washes over him, Magnus’ eyes suddenly piercing right at him, for just a second, which isn’t enough time to try and gather his wits, or read Magnus’ expression, because Dot shouts next to Magnus, taking away his attention, and Maia shouts at the other table, and they read their results, both getting it right, and everyone else is complaining, and expressing their disappointment. 

Alec swallows, remembering to breathe, trying to calm himself. Izzy is quick to join Lydia’s team, where Magnus is, and Clary waves Alec over to join theirs. 

Simon, Luke, and Jace, are the only ones missing.

They all play one more round of Cluedo, and Alec wishes he wasn’t sitting in Magnus’ line of sight. _Why isn’t he getting a break?_

He tries to focus really hard on the game, but his body keeps reacting as if he were being watched, but every time he looks to Magnus, he isn’t looking at him, and Alec feels paranoid, until, at the end of the game, which Raphael, and Catarina win this time, he finds Magnus smirking at him insolently, his eyes shimmering with a golden touch, and Alec almost gets up to pay him back, staying stone-still as his mind is providing him with a vision of himself grabbing Magnus, and snogging the shit out of him, should he move, and he _can’t_ do that.

The others already decided on the next game when Alec becomes aware of them moving about, and he quickly gets up, trying to pretend he knows what’s going on. 

They seem to stay in their respective teams, but all settling in a half circle around the table, and Clary is moving her hand in the air, and Alec doesn’t get anything - until the holographic screen appears before them, and Clary pulls something transparent off of her finger. 

“Whoever’s turn it is needs this or you can’t draw on it, Simon showed me how it works, it’s really cool.” She smiles brightly and sits down. 

“What if I can’t draw?” Raphael says, seemingly unhappy with the game choice. 

“Drawing is an art form which everyone is capable of, even you, my friend.” Ragnor supplies helpfully, but Raphael only gives him a scolding look.

“What if I can’t draw in a way that other people know what it is?” He tries again, but everyone is quick to reassure him that it will be fine. 

“Worst case scenario, your team loses,” Maia says, smirking, and he squints at her, his expression becoming somewhat resolute. 

“It’s on.” 

Wow, Alec seems to have missed something happening between some of them. But it’s no wonder as he’s always occupied with avoiding Magnus, or being with Magnus, or thinking about Magnus, or avoiding thinking about Magnus. 

He can’t have become _this_ hopeless, and pathetic, can he? He notices eyes on him again, and this time, Magnus doesn’t look away, and there’s a dare in his expression. Alec just frowns, not quite understanding, his stomach twisting, and apparently that’s funny to Magnus, and Alec wishes he didn’t find that sly smirk so goddamn sexy. 

He has to draw his attention away from him, however, because his team starts. While Maia draws, his eyes keep flitting sideways to where Magnus is sitting and watching, and the more he tells himself off, the more he seems to be unable to stop. 

Catarina guesses right, and the other team continues. When it’s Raphael’s turn, everyone really is quite astounded at the way he draws, totally clueless as to what it is. They are guessing such ridiculous things that Raphael almost loses his mind, but when Magnus can’t hold his laughter any more, and the whole room resounds it, almost everyone has a laughing fit, and even Raphael can’t keep it in. Merlin and Sophie are looking at them all quite disturbed, also new to this. 

Alec is looking around at everyone, completely stunned. He can’t remember the last time people were whole-heartedly laughing. Maia is sheer bellowing, and he has _never_ heard her like that. It’s a great surprise, but he’s transfixed by Magnus, the high pitch of his laugh, the way his face crinkles, his white teeth, his eyes squinted so much he can’t see them, holding his stomach, a tear running from the corner of one eye. 

He couldn’t imagine what he’d look, or sound like, brimming with laughter, because they rarely find reason to even smile, but this is… dazzling. 

Alec is smiling before he realizes it, an honest smile, full of surprise, catching Izzy’s eye, her smile broad and joyful, and his heart jumps, for once without an ache. 

Dot suddenly guesses Raphael’s drawing right, and he is delighted, hoping it will never be his turn again.

Clary is the best artist in Alec’s group, and also quick and efficient. Ragnor seems to take forever to even decide how to start, or comprehend that the game isn’t about quality, attempting to create some kind of masterpiece, until Catarina threatens to drown his books if he doesn’t hurry the hell up. 

They all seem to turn quite savage in a competition, and Alec’s rather surprised, but thoroughly entertained. 

Magnus’ drawing isn’t exactly what one would conventionally call pretty, but it’s exactly to the point, and Alec loves to watch him, how his hands move, his arm and back muscles, and the rest of his behind, finally having an excuse to.

Alec’s word is _platypus_ , and he’s glad it’s an easy one, and Maia is the first to yell it out, but he quickly finishes it to make it whole. 

“Cute.” Magnus grins at him as their eyes involuntarily meet on his way back, and Alec wishes he could think of something witty to say, instead of staring like an idiot at his face, gold shimmering in his eyes, before rushing to sit down again, weirdly out of breath, his cheeks feeling hot, his skin prickling, and his legs slightly trembling. 

After the game, they settle down with snacks and drinks, talking among each other, the atmosphere as relaxed as rarely before, until Jace joins them, and everyone quietens down.

“Any news?” Clary asks him immediately.

“Not yet, Simon wants to go through everything again, he thinks we missed something.” Jace answers, his eyes seeking out Alec, but he’s not the only one who reads between his words.

“So he found nothing? How’s that possible?” Raphael asks in disbelief. 

Jace turns towards him. “Not nothing, but nothing, yet, that connects her to The Circle, or tells us how they are operating their facilities.” 

An oppressing silence overcomes the room for a moment.

“Should we go back? Should we get the other data?” Clary asks, hopeful.

Jace shakes his head. “They increased security measures threefold, and even with Luke disguising as Lilith Morgenstern, it’s too risky. Simon also thinks that if there’s not a clue in this much data we got, then it’s unlikely we would find it there. Maybe they have another place they’re hiding it, or destroyed it all.” 

“So, we wait. We’ve gotten rather good at that. Cheers.” Ragnor holds up his bottle, and ignores some of the dark looks he gets. 

“We’ll know more by morning.” Jace greets them goodnight, and leaves to help Simon and Luke again. 

Simon’s gotten more and more worried and frustrated, and feels guilty, and he’ll feel much worse if he thinks he sent them out there for nothing. They have to find _something._

The jolly mood leaves with Jace, everyone looking down, and concerned. 

Sophie suddenly barks, her tail wagging, and Izzy smiles, reaching for her, giving her cuddles, deciding to take her out for a last walk, Lydia, Clary, and Dot joining them.

Maia moves to sit next to Ragnor, starting a conversation about literature, he’s all too happy to engage with her, and Raphael is quiet, but listening interestedly, petting Merlin who jumps onto his lap.

Alec watches Magnus and Catarina, sitting closely, talking quietly, and he averts his eyes, feeling a little lost, trying to decide what to do when his eyes are drawn to Magnus, now walking towards the door, catching his look as he glances his way. 

Alec isn’t sure, though, what that look means, if anything. Does he want him to follow? Does he not want him to follow? Why is this so hard, and why is he overthinking this so much?

He sighs inwardly, then catches Catarina looking at him, who moved closer to Raphael, but is giving him a smile, and points with her head towards the door. So, he should follow him? 

He gets up, still a little puzzled, but mumbles a goodnight to the others, and walks out into the hall, looking around. He can’t see anyone, and it’s dark, and quiet. 

He walks around some, suddenly noticing the gap in the door of the lounge room. It could mean nothing, someone could have left it open for Merlin, because he likes to sleep in there, but it could also mean…

He finds Magnus inside, looking out of the window. He didn’t turn a light on, so Alec leaves it off, too, approaching him slowly. 

His body is already reacting, sending pricks and shivers along his skin, his heartbeat speeding up. He’s tired of fighting what is obviously his new normal now, and a thought suddenly comes to his mind. 

Would he want things to go back to how they were before Magnus? He wouldn’t feel all of these things, wouldn’t constantly be overwhelmed, questioning his state of mind, but would he be happier? Was he happy before? Is he happy now?

The moonlight is bright enough to illuminate Magnus’ face, taking Alec’s breath away as he turns to him, strings of gold moving softly inside his eyes, transfixing him wholly.

“Are you mad at me?” 

Alec gets torn from his lovely daze, feeling as if waking from a deep dream, unable to react. 

Magnus sighs a little, turning back to the window, and Alec keeps staring at him, feeling like his mind, and body, got switched off. 

“It’s alright if you are, but I want to know why, because I don’t like it when people are mad at me. I mean, people I know, I don’t give a shit about oth-” 

Magnus finds two lips pressed firmly on his own, his face slightly squashed by two large, bare hands, and before he can do anything at all, Alec is already gone again, giving him whiplash. 

“I’m sorry, I- I’m not mad, I just-” 

Seeing Alec so flustered, and hearing those words - even if he didn’t believe him - he can’t but rush forward, his hands grabbing Alec’s neck, his lips crushing Alec’s, all of his being rippled with delicious sensations, intensifying as Alec’s arms come around to embrace him, squeezing him tight, their mouths parting with breathless moans to deepen the kiss. 

His legs start to move as he’s being pushed backwards, pressed firmly against Alec, who’s holding him safely, until Magnus feels the table edge against the clefts of his thighs, his hands carding through Alec’s hair, unhappy he’s still wearing gloves, their sounds filling his ears, his chest taut and lit up with heat. 

Alec suddenly shifts off him, and turns on the lamp next to them, barely allowing Magnus to catch his breath as he grips his hips and lifts him up onto the table, Alec’s left leg pushing in between Magnus’ knees, making space for himself while his hands rake along Magnus’ thighs, trembling with the anticipation, and lust that’s filling him.

“You’re not mad at me, either, are you?” Alec rasps, out of breath, and Magnus can only shake his head fiercely. 

Even if he were, he would’ve forgotten why, and how he could ever be, watching the emotions cross Alec’s face, relief, and desire, and more, the most gorgeous-

Magnus gasps suddenly, Alec’s hand palming his crotch, his body jolting with a new wave of pleasure, and he finally thinks to get rid of his gloves, his teeth biting the strip where they’re fastened on his wrist, but Alec grabs his hand, and Magnus lets go, a little puzzled, yet unconcerned as he sees Alec’s soft smile, and watches him open the velcro fastener instead.

His heart drops into his stomach as he realizes Alec’s bringing his hand to his own mouth, his teeth biting gently into the black fabric of his glove, pulling it off of his fingers, one by one. 

Magnus has never seen something so alluring, could never have dreamt of anyone doing this, shivers on his skin imbuing him bone-deep.

As Alec does the same to his other glove, he stares open-mouthed, their eyes locking, a thrilled beating inside his chest, an elated twitching between his legs, transfixed, forgetting a world outside of them exists. 

Gripped by fierce passion, Magnus is fast, his legs wrapping around Alec’s hips, his bare hands sliding around his waist, trapping him as closely against himself as possible, their kisses urgent and hungry.

Magnus pushes Alec’s shirt out of the way, wanting to feel nothing but skin, and he lets him move just enough to be able to pull it off of him, and get rid of his own, their mouths immediately glued back together, their hands stroking every part of their exposed upper bodies.

Magnus would happily suffocate like this, but Alec has other plans, trailing his mouth down his neck and throat, and further, his hands caressing Magnus’ hips, up over his sides, to his back, his fingers carding over the knobs of his spine as he licks Magnus’ nipples hard, before he moves down, his hands soon coming back to the front to open Magnus’ pants, exposing more of him, sending shockwaves of bliss throughout his body, but it goes deeper than that, much deeper than he could ever be prepared for, and he shuts his eyes, the emotions too heavy to endure, to let him see. 

Engulfed by Alec’s wonderful mouth, and his hands never pausing touching every accessible part of him, he’s swept over the edge forcefully, his hands clinging to Alec’s shoulders, his cries unmuted, waves of pleasure slowly ebbing away. 

His body arches, jerks, and shivers, as Alec’s lips trail upwards again over his skin in open-mouthed, wet kisses, languid and revering, touching so deep, finding the shreds of his soul Magnus thought lost for half of his life. 

Alec’s reaching his Adam’s apple, his jaw and chin, his hands adoring his skin, and finally their lips graze, his arms embracing Magnus once more, gentler now, his fingers circling his back lazily.

Magnus’ tongue swipes Alec’s lips, and inside his mouth, licking and tasting, his fingers digging lightly into Alec’s flesh as he lets them run over his chest, to his abs, and down until he feels the edge of his trousers, fumbling a little with opening them, still shaken, but he soon feels how hard Alec is, knowing it’s been the same for himself every time they’ve done this, wanting to relieve him, wanting to be the only one who ever gets to do it, to see, feel, _touch_ him like this.

He slips a hand inside his underwear, around him, feeling him trembling, moaning into his mouth, giving himself joyful goosebumps as he flings his free arm around Alec, keeping him close. 

He doesn’t let go of him, longing to feel every ounce of his pleasure, swallowing every moan and cry, keeping him close, _needing_ him close, savoring every moment, memorizing every sound and sensation.

Alec’s forehead is resting on Magnus’ shoulder, his breath warm and rapid against his skin, his arms around his waist as Magnus holds him, still sitting half naked on the table, sated, and wonderfully exhausted, leaning into him, breathing him in.

He’s humming almost soundlessly, a song that surfaced from his memories unconsciously, because, though unaware of it himself, for the first time in a very long time, he feels happy, and safe. 

Alec shifts first, slowly, his messy hair tickling Magnus’ cheek, then their eyes meet, and Alec watches him as if entranced, finally coming closer, kissing him tenderly, over and over. 

Magnus falls, and keeps falling, no bottom in sight.

~~~

His ass feels completely numb by the time they’re moving, and he slides off the table, grabbing his clothes to get dressed again while watching Alec do the same. Now is the time when it gets harder, when he doesn’t know what to say, if to say anything at all, the weight of his feelings pressing him down, and he feels too weak, too cowardly to push through. 

He doesn’t want to make him truly mad. So, it’s probably better to bid him goodnight, and leave quickly, even though, every time they’re together, it gets harder to do just that.

But Alec’s faster, surprising Magnus greatly when he takes both of his hands, their fingers softly caressing, his eyes boring into him with a tenderness that pours cold shivers down his body, winding his stomach in tight knots, making it impossible to breathe.

“Magnus-” He pauses again, oddly breathless himself, and Magnus feels as if he’s just hit the ground hard, something inside him shattering, for a reason unknown to him sensing what he wants to say, what he _wants,_ and _feels,_ making Magnus want to run. And he feels guilty, awful, and worthless.

“Are we doing this only because we can touch each other? I thought that was it, because it makes the most sense, but…” Alec looks a little scared, hesitant, at first, and Magnus feels worse for wishing he would chicken out of saying anything else, realizing the moment that Alec’s features change into courage, and certainty, it’s too late. 

“I like you, and not just because I can feel these things with you, not just the sex… I really like _you._ ”

Magnus feels shell-shocked, utterly crushed, only now seeing the truth he thought he’s known all along, but he had been pretending, well enough to fool himself. But now, now that this wonderful, beautiful, man has just confessed his feelings for him, it’s crystal clear. 

And he couldn’t hate himself any more if he tried.

He feels frozen, so cold, so unworthy and vile, and he has to… he pulls his cold, shaky hands out of Alec’s hold, unable to keep touching him, unable to be close to him. _Never again._

He notices the confusion in Alec’s eyes, the worry, but what he wants to hear from him, is too ludicrous, too dangerous, and much too selfish of him to give. 

He can only do one thing. Be honest, leaving out one truth.

“I’m sorry, Alec. I can’t- we can’t do this. Not beyond this, not beyond sex, there’s nothing for us.” But pain. And he can’t make Alec responsible to bear his, as well. He won’t.

He moves backwards, further away from him, hitting the window, staying put, wishing he didn’t have to witness his words taking root in Alec’s mind, inside his heart, the cracks and the hurt showing in his eyes. 

Eyes Magnus allowed himself to get lost in. He allowed himself too much, and he took too much from him, and he wishes he had understood it sooner, but reality got swallowed into a vast abyss every time they touched. Maybe he really believed he could be different. 

“I’m sorry, but I can’t become your greatest regret.” Magnus wishes Alec would understand, he must, in time, and he turns before Alec’s sorrow swallows him whole, opens the window and jumps onto the ledge, climbs outside, and up onto the roof with certain, fast movements. 

“Magnus!” 

He can hear Alec shouting, but he can’t go back. He can’t do that to him, he did enough damage already.

Alec wants to go after him, but thankfully his common sense still works somehow, and he knows he’s not skilled like Magnus, and Jace, and the state he’s in, he’s even more likely to fall, and break a limb, or two.

“Fuck!” 

He shuts the window firmly, and moves in a circle around himself, gripping his hair, rubbing his neck, and face, trying to think why his sudden confession went _so horribly wrong._

He knows he was too overcome with feelings, because every time he’s with Magnus, he feels _more,_ and maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, but he would have burst if he had kept his mouth shut again, but now he wishes he had. 

The shock of Magnus’ reaction sits in every one of his bones, and he understands less than ever before. Why did he react so extremely? Why did he fucking flee from him like that? They could have talked, he could have finally understood what Magnus felt, but instead… he looked like he had got the greatest shock of his life, and ran away. 

Alec drops down in the chair, feeling drained, and clueless, and hurt, and sad. 

A cold, wet snout against his hand makes him flinch suddenly, relaxing again when he sees Sophie. He cuddles her head, leaning down to kiss her snout, and smell her fur. Animals are so much easier to live with, and understand. 

When he opens his eyes again and straightens, he finds Izzy standing before him, and flinches again. What the hell is wrong with him? 

“What happened?” She sits down next to them, and Alec feels torn. 

“I just made a big mistake.” He admits finally, tears burning in his eyes.

“Is this about Magnus?” Of course, she hits the hammer on the nail. 

He nods, emotions suddenly threatening to drown him, and he’s glad when she carefully puts an arm around him, cautious to not touch his bare skin anywhere, and lets him lean against her shoulder.

“I don’t understand anything anymore. I told him I like him, and he seemed so shocked, and ran away. I don’t get it, he could have just said he doesn’t like me back.” 

He sighs, and presses closer to her, feeling weirdly fragile. 

“Oh, Alec, I’m so sorry.” 

“I wish I never said anything. I just felt it so strongly suddenly, like I couldn’t keep it inside or I’d explode.” 

“I understand, and you shouldn’t have. I thought that you would tell him, eventually, but I also hoped he would feel the same.” 

“Me too, I guess, but Jace was right. He said that people don’t always feel that kind of like for someone, and even if Magnus wasn’t sure, or has to work through some things, he wouldn’t have literally fled from me, right?” A single tear trails along his nose before it falls.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know him well enough to judge that, but I know that people often act rashly, or weird when they’re overwhelmed, or the past comes back to haunt them, or something triggers their trauma. You never know what goes on inside of someone, unless they tell you.” 

Alec thinks for a long moment about that. 

“Then how do I make him tell me?” He asks quietly.

“I don’t really know, but it probably needs a lot of time, and patience, and understanding even when you don’t.” 

Alec sighs, shutting his eyes. “What if he doesn’t want to give me the time? What if he doesn’t believe in me?” 

“Then… he will miss out on so much more than he could ever imagine.” She whispers into his hair. 

Another tear spills from his eye. What he doesn’t know he can’t miss, right? And Alec is probably not worth it, anyway. This really fucking hurts. 

Once he’s calmer, he thanks Izzy and hugs her goodnight, Sophie following him to his bedroom. Inside, he takes his phone out.

_I didn’t mean to shock you so much earlier. I’m sorry. Can we please talk about it?_

He lies awake most of the night, dozing on and off, listening to Sophie’s soft snores, checking his phone dozens of times, but it stays torturously quiet. He wants to look for him, but talks himself out of it every time. 

He clearly needs space, and he doesn’t want to smother him, and hopefully he will come to the conclusion that he should give Alec another chance to talk. _But what if he doesn’t?_

He’s haunted by that dreadful look in his eyes, as if Alec had done something really bad to him, and he just can’t comprehend it.

~~~

They gather in the living-room in the morning after getting the message that Simon wants to talk to them. He looks completely worn out, as if he hasn’t slept in a week, and Jace stays close to him, watching him concerned. He, and Luke haven’t really slept, either, but they don’t feel his guilt, and the responsibility he has taken upon himself.

However, he braces himself, and straightens before he makes to speak, getting interrupted by Dot.

“I’m sorry, but Magnus isn’t here, yet. Has anyone heard from him?” They all shake their heads, and Alec freezes, suddenly scared Magnus didn’t just run from him, but away from it all. 

They try to call him, but his phone is off, and just when they are ready to go looking for him, and Alec feels compelled to explain that it’s his fault, the door opens, and Magnus walks in.

Relief floods the room, and Alec feels slightly faint, but glad. Magnus sits down quietly, quickly apologizes to Simon, and looks straight ahead, and no matter how much Alec tries to will him to look his way, he doesn’t move at all.

“Alright, now everyone is here, I am extremely sorry to tell you that I couldn’t find a single connection to The Circle in the data you got, and I’m so sorry-” He trails off, swallowing hard, and Jace puts a hand on his lower back in comfort to steady him, whispering to him.

Luke, who’s been standing in the back, walks forward next to Simon, and halts. “There is one thing we did find, and I, for one, think you all should hear it and decide together whether we want to pursue it.” 

They all agree, curious to hear what it is. 

“About two months before we saw steady increases in The Circle’s activities, Lilith Morgenstern became the owner of Rock Bellewood. And since then she became more known and praised for her efforts for the city, but even when half a dozen facilities were found and shut down, their activities never decreased again.”

“What’s Rock Bellewood?” Raphael asks.

“It’s a mountain, about 180 miles from the city.” 

“But what is it? What’s there?” Dot asks, and this time, Simon steps forward, calmer.

“That’s what we couldn’t find out. There is literally no information about it, no working or living records, no buildings, no satellite images, no tech I could hack, or trace, nothing at all. So, we would need to go there to look for ourselves, but it might be another dead end, and I don’t want you to-” 

“We have nothing better to do, do we? I say we should go on a nice hike in the countryside.” Ragnor suggests, sounding quite upbeat. 

Maia shrugs. “I’m in.” Which means Clary is, too, and they all agree that it’s not much of a loss, should they really find nothing. But they are all secretly hoping, because why else would someone buy a mountain? Especially someone like Lilith Morgenstern?

Catarina and Clary also assure Simon that it’s fine, and that he shouldn’t blame himself for anything, they’re all doing their best, and there’s no more any of them can do.

“Should we take Sophie, and Merlin to Gretel’s?” Maia asks suddenly, glancing at their two furry animal friends with concern. 

Maia met Gretel before she met Clary, at a time she needed a friend desperately, a reason to go on. She discovered the animals that Gretel shelters, first, on a night she had nowhere to go, no goal, and no hope. 

She smelled the rabbits, first, and followed her nose, literally, soon reaching the old house, makeshift stables, and gardens. There were cats, and dogs, and chickens, and a couple of lizards, even a pony, and Maia observed the ongoings for almost a week, before she dared to get any closer, by then having made friends with all of the dogs, and cats, and Gretel seemed surprised, but not alarmed when she saw her, offering her lemonade, and food. 

It took a real leap of faith for Maia to trust her enough to follow her into the house, where she was introduced to some birds, mice, and other animals. Gretel told her about every animal, their names, and personalities, what they liked, and disliked, and where she found them, or how they found her. 

Gretel always had a talent for communicating with animals, always preferring them to humans, and after her mother died, and her sister left, they became her family, her whole life. Maia stayed with them for a while, going on errand runs for them, or looking for lost, or abandoned animals. 

That’s how she met Clary one day. She was actually arguing, yelling at a stranger who had treated his dog badly, and, though he was three times her size, she didn’t seem to care, and Maia found her impressive, yet severely stupid. 

But she was even more stupid for eventually stepping in when the guy threatened to hit the girl, and they managed to escape, with the dog, and, though Maia tried to get rid of the fiery, kind-hearted red-head, she never managed. 

Gretel has since found a couple of friends who love her, and the animals, and Maia kept in touch, too. They agree to take Sophie and Merlin to Gretel as a precaution, and to meet back here in two hours.

Alec’s eyes are on Magnus, who leaves shortly after. He hurries after him, but after twenty minutes of looking, and not finding him, he gets ready instead, cursing all the while. 

He absolutely hates not being able to clarify things with him, and he also doesn’t want to wait until they’re back, because hell only knows what will have happened by then. All the thinking last night did one good thing for him.

He is certain that there is more to how Magnus reacted, because, as Izzy and he agreed on, he could have easily turned him down, just by being honest, and telling him he didn’t have those kinds of feelings for Alec. 

_I can’t become your greatest regret._ Those words have been playing on his mind repeatedly, and why he would have had reason to say them. What could possibly be behind them. Why Alec himself would say something like that to someone who confessed their feelings for him. 

And he has a pretty good idea now.

He can’t find Magnus until the minute they are ready to head out, and he hides next to the front door, because as he thought, Magnus is the last one to leave, and he grabs his arm, and pulls him right back inside, ignoring Magnus’ loud complaining.

“What the hell are you doing?!” 

His eyes are flashing with anger as Alec traps him against a wall, and lets his arm free, but beneath that anger, Alec can see something else, fear, or despair. And he wishes he could take it from him for good.

“I’m sorry, but you’ve been avoiding me since last night, and we need to talk, right now.” 

“I said everything I had to say. Let me go!” Magnus is adamant, but Alec moves his arms up, pressing his hands against the wall on either side of him, keeping him right there, and he knows that Magnus is stronger than him, more skilled, and faster, and yet, for some reason he lets him, isn’t trying his hardest to escape from him, which gives Alec hope. He can’t be completely wrong about this.

“You should have said something like ‘I don’t like you, sorry’, and I would have let it go. You’re not scared of me, are you?” 

Magnus truly seems like a trapped animal, and Alec feels guilty, but even more confused now. 

“I don’t like you like that, sorry. Now let me go.” Magnus seems suddenly a lot more composed, but Alec can see right through him.

“Too late, and even I can tell you’re lying. What are you scared of? You can trust me.” 

He takes one hand away, to give him a little more space, but if he can’t get it out of him now, he’s really worried he won’t get a chance any time soon, or ever.

“I’m not-” Magnus bites his lip, looking down, his jaw so tight it could crack. 

Alec waits, his heart drumming like thunder in his chest, and Magnus stays quiet, until he meets his eyes directly, piercingly.

“Have you ever even killed someone?” 

Alec is perplexed, blinking, finding it even harder to breathe, the question so unexpected, and huge… but… 

He nods slowly. “When I was fifteen, and Izzy was taken, I ran back into our house, to my father’s office, smashed his gun safe, and took his gun with me, and there, when I suddenly saw her running out of the building, after _you_ helped her, I just shot at everyone that moved behind us as I ran with her for our lives. At least one of them went down and didn’t get up again.” 

Magnus’ eyes are swimming with emotions, his jaw flexing with strain, averting his gaze, his body slumping just a fraction. 

“That was self-defence.” 

Alec still doesn’t understand why this is important now, but he will do what he can to try.

“It’s still taking a life.” 

Magnus shakes his head slowly. “You had no choice, but I did.” His voice is quiet, and Alec thinks he even heard a quiver in it. Is this why…?

“You avenged your mother.” 

Magnus’ head snaps up sharply, startling Alec a little, an icy shudder surging through him.

“And what good did that do for her? Did she come back from the grave because I strangled, and shot, and slit their throat?” 

Despair is clearly visible on his face now, and also guilt, and helplessness, and Alec is starting to get it.

“None of us are blameless, Magnus, we’ve all done bad things, and some we regret, and some we don’t. It’s the world we’re living in.” 

Magnus shakes his head slowly. “I can’t blame the world for this, or anyone else. This is who I am, Alec, and most of the things I’ve ever done have been for my own selfish benefit, even you. _Especially_ you.” 

He’s overcome by his sadness, and Alec feels his heart breaking for him even more than it did last night. 

“Magnus.” He rasps out, desperate himself to find the words to say to him to take just a tiny piece of his suffering from him. 

He cups his cheek before he can think, and Magnus flinches away, but there’s still some sense of hope, that he just has to get through to him, and Magnus is still not pushing him away, even though both of his arms are free again.

He takes his face into both of his slightly damp, shaky hands, as gingerly as if he could damage him, and then he moves closer, slowly, very cautiously, bit by bit, forgetting how to breathe, forgetting the world around them, observing Magnus’ every micro-expression closely, a whiff of startled breath on his lips just before they’re touching. 

Just for a few seconds, before Alec shifts back a little, to gauge his reaction. The despondent look on Magnus' face drives fear into every cell of his body. _Don’t let this be the end._

“What do you want, Alec?” Magnus whispers, almost sounding defeated, broken, and Alec feels like this is one of the most crucial moments of his entire life, and that he mustn’t fail, simultaneously terrified of just that. 

He can’t even think, feeling so frantic, but a single thought comes to the fore. “I just want you to be happy.” It’s simple, in the end.

Magnus’ eyes widen, his lips a thin line, turning into an almost grotesque smile that is as dejected as the look in his eyes. 

“What if I don't deserve to be happy?” He whispers again, as if he had no strength to speak louder.

Alec can’t accept that, ever, and he presses his forehead against Magnus’, closing his eyes, his fingers trembling on Magnus’ face. 

“You do, you do, I promise, you do. You’re worth it.” He repeats over and over, finding his lips, kissing him gently, urgently, as if he was trying to kiss the promise into him, so every part of him would know, and trust it, and believe him. 

And Magnus is kissing him back.

The sound of a car horn tears them cruelly away from each other, and Magnus sways from hope, back to doubt and uncertainty, and Alec breaks a little more, but vows to stay strong for them both.

Magnus pries Alec’s hands from his face carefully, not knowing what to say, feeling the pressure, and haste. They have to leave, and they have to get through this first, and then, maybe talk again. He doesn’t know. He’s scared he will only hurt Alec even more. That, in the end, he won’t have the courage he needs. Alec has it, which became very apparent to him today. And he has enough of it to get over him, too. 

He slips past Alec, ignoring him calling his name, grabs his bag he dropped earlier when Alec ambushed him, and heads outside, getting in the first Jeep to make it full, not capable of spending two hours, or longer in a car with Alec present. _Fucking coward._

He ignores people’s questions, staring out of the window, at the grey, rain-filled clouds, unable to shake the feeling of Alec’s lips, hands, or sound of his voice, promising him he deserves happiness, that he’s worth it. 

He feels brutally torn between his visceral belief that he’s not, and the vigorous desire to trust Alec.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to get through, all the action, to hopefully make it make sense... (and i know it could be a lot more detailed etc etc etc) but once it was done... it is such a labor of love, this whole fic that i never ever imagined to become this thing i love with all my heart now.. just wanted to try and write something else to get back into it etc... an experiment... its some of my most favorite malec tbh but also love all the characters a lot more now, and when i'm able to push the doubts, inferiority, all the bad things i think about my writing and stories, aside... 
> 
> i'm ecstatically happy with this, and i am learning that that is maybe the most important thing, because validation is much harder to get from others these days when many aren't reading fic anymore, or my fic, specifically, which is sometimes depressing, but it doesn't mean something's wrong with me, or my fic, i think, just... as it goes, everything changes.
> 
> but i love sh, and malec more than ever and i want to keep writing them, and i hope i will manage, and that a few people will wanna read it.
> 
> thank you very much for reading, liking, rting, reblogging, kudos, commenting, etc etc... it means a lot more than most people realise.
> 
> all my love xx <3

Magnus is more than ready to get out of this bloody machine, and stretch his legs. He tried to doze on and off, not engaging in conversations, willing his mind away from Alec, with little success. 

Alec doesn’t  _ know  _ him. Not really. He can’t be sure about anything. He only feels this way because they can touch each other, and Magnus gets it, he really does, but in a few weeks, or months, or maybe even a year, Alec would realize that’s all it is, and that being with Magnus has a lot more downsides than anything else, and wish for his simpler life back.

And Magnus wouldn’t blame him, but he would shatter, and he can’t let himself be this vulnerable. He can’t risk it, not Alec’s heart, and not his own. He wishes he weren’t this weak and pathetic, but feeling utterly  _ fragile _ in Alec’s presence, has startled him to his core, fucked with his mind, and not given him a chance to recuperate, and he feels shaken, and awkward, physically and mentally, and he must get a grip to not become a liability to the others during this mission. He actually hopes they won’t find anything here, right now, so he has more time to figure his shit out.

They leave the Jeeps hidden beneath some trees, and slowly scout the area, dividing into pairs. Two hours later, they meet again, having not found a single clue as to anyone having been here, or anything being here that isn’t supposed to.

“I assume, an ordinary person like myself, would take five to six hours to get to the peak. But a few of you youngsters could make it in no time.” Ragnor muses, and Magnus wonders again how old Ragnor thinks he is, because he doesn’t look older than late thirties, and despite his less than ideal living conditions, he’s not in _ terrible _ shape. 

They all ignore the ‘ordinary’ part, by now familiar with Ragnor’s quirks. 

“Did you notice anything?” Simon asks Clary who’s shaking her head in disappointment.

“Nothing at all. I just don’t get it. It doesn’t make any sense.” She sighs with frustration. 

“What about you, dear? You seem a little precarious.” Ragnor addresses Maia good-natured, having noticed her thoughtful expression. 

Maia feels a bit caught, but gives in, in the end. “It’s not really anything, I just hear it more clearly out here.” No one knows what she’s talking about, so she elaborates.

“In the city, there’s a humming sound all around, it’s just a steady, low, buzzing, and I usually tune it out, because it gets really fucking annoying. And I was sure at a remote place like this, with no houses, or anything around for miles, I shouldn’t be able to hear it. But it’s even louder, more pervasive.” 

Simon checks his tech once again, but it still doesn’t show anything, and even he seems on edge now. Most of them were hoping for  _ something. _

“Should we take another look around?” Lydia asks everyone around, not sure whether it would make a difference. 

“I don’t think that’s necessary-” Raphael starts, but is quickly shushed by Maia’s hand before his face as she listens very attentively.

“Something’s coming, it sounds like…”

“A helicopter!” Dot suddenly yells, having seen the future. 

Maia nods and everyone rushes to take shelter beneath the trees and bushes to not be seen by whoever’s in that helicopter. 

It comes into view a few seconds later, flying straight to the mountain, landing on a broad rocky ledge halfway up, tiny looking people getting out of it. 

Maia can see who it is without using a spyglass. “It’s Lilith and Jonathan Morgenstern, and two of her goons. And I think she’s opening something, yes, she’s using her hand to push against the rock… fuck, there’s a door, or some kind of entrance in the wall, and it’s opening.” And they all vanish inside.

“Bloody hell.” Ragnor blinks, quite amazed at this surprising turn of events. 

“Luke can get us in, right?” Raphael seems eager, and Magnus braces himself, because he knows he has to do his job now - which means doing everything possible to keep these people alive, and also get them the proof they need to end this once and for all. There’s no more time for his personal whims. 

Luke nods. “But should we wait until they’ve left?” 

Everyone’s thinking quietly for a moment, then Jace speaks up. “Catching them in the act is the only way to make sure they can’t talk themselves out of it.” 

Simon nods gravely, and so they all agree to head in right away, checking they’ve got all they need to protect themselves, and face whatever will await them.

~~~

Alec tries to inconspicuously get closer to Magnus on their way up, knowing this isn’t the right time, but craving to share just one more word with him before they are faced with hell knows what’s in there. 

He can tell the instant Magnus knows he’s beside him, his body tensing so strongly, Alec can feel his own muscles stressing. He doesn’t want to be that for Magnus. He doesn’t want to bring him more pain. 

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly before widening his steps, marching past him towards Jace and Raphael who are ahead.

Magnus blinks, surprised, and confused, and torn, wanting to call for him, wanting to say something,  _ anything _ , but feeling like he would only make more of a mess of it. But he wants to ask what he’s sorry for, because in Magnus’ mind, he’s the only one in need to apologize. 

But he was never good at that, especially not when it really mattered. And  _ this, Alec,  _ might matter a great deal more to him than he’s even capable of acknowledging. So he stays silent.

It takes them an hour to get there, and Ragnor isn’t the only one having to catch his breath because his body is shaking from the strain of making haste. He hates Jace, Raphael, and Magnus the most right now, as they didn’t even break a sweat.

They take a minute to rest, then startle as suddenly Lilith Morgenstern is standing among them.

“This is the coolest - the creepiest, but coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” Simon beams at Luke who is smirking like Lilith Morgenstern. “Everyone ready?” Luke asks with her voice, and they all nod and prepare for whatever’s to come. 

He puts her hand against the rock where Maia points to, and a moment later, the rock opens, sliding apart horizontally, revealing a lit path into the mountain.

“Woah!” Simon exclaims as his tablet goes crazy. “Guys, I think there’s some kind of invisible shield around all of this, so it can’t be detected from the outside, but in here… fuck.” 

“I can hear the humming, it’s almost deafening, and it’s coming from somewhere below.” Maia flinches and tunes the disturbing sound out as much as she can, squeezing Clary’s hand for courage and comfort. 

“I think we should try to find the control room, if there’s something like that.” Simon tells Luke who’s himself again, as he wants to be able to transform again, having no way of knowing how long it will take them to find where they need to go, hoping to not run into the real Lilith Morgenstern too soon.

They head along the path, getting another big surprise as they reach the end, finding that a huge part of the mountain is hollow inside, a metal railing going all around the edges in a circle, leading to numerous other pathways. And there’s also a lift on either side. 

“What now? Where should we go?” Cat asks quietly, hoping no one else is around here, but they can’t be sure, and someone could appear from anywhere at any time. 

“Down.” Clary is staring at the dark abyss down below, leaning forward against the railing. “I can feel it. It’s down there.” 

She looks transfixed, as if she’s gleaming from the inside. The energy source must be huge. 

“Careful, someone’s coming!” Dot warns, and everyone’s rushing back to where they came from, except Magnus, who hides just around the corner, and when the man, clad in a black suit is close enough, Magnus is quiet, fast, and efficient, using the rock’s crevices to hold himself as he swings his legs around the man’s neck, taking him down as he passes out, unable to even make more than a sound. 

Magnus grabs his shoulders and pulls him out of view, then turns to the others. “Simon, I think I got your disguise right here.” 

The suit is a little too big and long for Simon, but hopefully no one will notice. Maia strains her hearing to tune out every noise, focusing on where the Morgensterns are. Her brow is sweaty once she can make out the faint sound of heels, and a distorted female voice. 

“She’s up there somewhere.” Maia leans back against the rock, steadying herself, Clary right by her side, focusing hard herself. “And I think you’ll find what you’re looking for up there, too. It’s way different from what’s down below, though.” 

Luke, Simon, Ragnor, and Raphael as their backup, decide to head up there. Magnus doesn’t even have to say anything as he meets Raphael’s eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll do what I have to, if I have to.” Raphael’s right hand is moving towards his gun, not the only one he’s carrying, looking confident.

Magnus nods, hoping it won’t come to that, but he trusts his friend to protect their own, concerned only about Raphael’s indoctrinated self-sacrifice, should he not see another way out. 

They separate once more, Magnus wanting to stay close enough to Raphael’s team, to be able to get to them sooner rather than later, simultaneously wanting to protect Cat and Dot, hoping to warn anyone should they detect movement, still feeling torn leaving the others to head downstairs, but they all agree it’s their best option. Should one team be detected there are still two to come to their rescue. 

Surprisingly, Alec comes to stand before him, locking eyes with him. “Please take care of my sister, and the others, and yourself.” 

It’s almost comical to Magnus, and he wishes he could counter with a whimsical line, maybe drawing a meagre smile from Alec, but his chest feels tight and painful, and all he manages is a firm nod, those hazel eyes spellbinding him for a moment.

Lydia has to convince Izzy to stay up here with Magnus, as Alec wishes, hoping most of them can stay out of harm’s way, wanting to first check what’s down there, with Maia, Clary, and Jace.

The apprehension inside him only grows as Magnus watches Alec and the rest of them leave for the lift downstairs.Their eyes meet for a mere second before the glass device is set in motion, and they’re fast out of sight. He feels as if part of himself is plummeting with them. 

Exhaling a heavy breath, he turns to the others to map out a plan of action.

As Alec and the others step out of the lift, the way up from down here seems endless, almost terrifying. There are black metal ladders in the rock, leading upwards, and several paths into the mountain all around them. The ground seems to consist of smooth, black stone. 

“We’re so close, I can almost taste it.” Clary’s glowing, her skin hot to the touch, her eyes sparkling in shades of fire, and they’re rather worried about what this could mean. 

“There’s no obvious way further. We should scout the place, one of these caves must lead to where we have to go.” They agree with Jace but decide to stay together, making haste of checking out the four exits, keeping a close eye on Clary, who seems especially agitated and affected by whatever is nearby. 

“Nothing down here, stay safe everyone.” Maia speaks softly into her comm, her eyes never leaving Clary, who’s walking up front with Jace by her side, Alec keeping a steady pace with Maia.

“If she gets into danger-” 

“You take her, and run, and don’t look back.” Alec finishes for her, everyone else’s safety his priority. He knows he’s capable enough to get himself out of trouble, and as long as Jace is close by, he knows he will be safe.

He feels strangely guilty for taking this as such a matter of course, but it also gives him courage, and he knows that Maia understands, as well. 

“This is the wrong way, too, guys, it’s not in any direction, it’s… right here!” Clary stops, staring down at the ground, her hands pointing down, as well, and she looks frustrated, her skin red and hot, glassy-eyed, like she has a fever. 

“Let’s head back.” Jace shares a look with Alec and Maia, both of them guessing correctly that his intention, too, is to get Clary away from this potential trouble. 

They barely took a step when too many things are suddenly set in motion. They can hear Simon, and Lilith, and another voice that sounds like her, as well, yet vastly different, shouting, and something like a blast that makes them all flinch, and a second later some kind of alarm is going off, and doors are opening, a lot of near and far footsteps resounding.

“Run!” Jace grabs Clary and pulls her along, Alec and Maia sprinting after them back to the lift. 

In dismay they notice the guards streaming out of every one of the four caves, the lift their only escape. Jace is about to push Clary inside for safety, when a shot is fired, mere millimeters from his hand, and another one, making the lift unusable. 

He turns as he hears screams, the smooth, black ground in the middle of the mountain, suddenly sliding open on either side, several guards falling, and Jace looks on in horror as Clary who got away from him, and Alec, as well, after pushing Maia to safety, are plunging with them. 

He leaps to the edge, staring down in a panic, shell-shocked at what he sees. It looks like a large sphere, red, orange and white, the colors moving within, and stretching out on every side, dozens and dozens of moving tentacles made of the same glowing colors and matter. 

And there’s a strange heat coming up from the sphere, letting him know that whoever gets in contact with it, couldn’t survive. 

“Jace!” Maia is by his side, having knocked out a couple of the remaining guards. She’s panting, her grip tight on the edge of the rock, and Jace follows her gaze, relief washing over him so hard he’s shaking, as he sees Alec, and Clary, holding onto a rock ledge a couple of metres down. 

“We have to-” He is grabbed from behind and pulled to his feet, two black-clad guards pulling him away. He had noticed before that they weren’t shooting to kill, which means they want them alive, and he mustn’t let them.

They’re using special equipment to subdue him, obviously experienced with people having  _ gifts,  _ and he must admit that they’ve gotten better at it, but he also knows his own strength, and they haven’t managed to overbear him completely, but, right now, he’s unable to help Alec and Clary, and panic of another level rises inside him.

“Maia, help them!” He shouts after her, watching as she knocks out two more guards swiftly, understanding to make Alec and Clary her priority, as Jace is dragged along a pathway, out of sight. 

“Don’t let go!” Clary yells up to Alec, who is holding her by just one hand, his other’s grip on the rock so hard he can’t feel his fingers, the strain feeling as if his body is being torn apart, only one thought on his mind, to get Clary up there, quick.

“I won’t! But you have to… ahh, fuck…” He takes a breath, unable to focus on the thing down there, moving, glowing, making the air hot, even the rock feels hot under his hand, through the fabric of his gloves, but none of that is important.

“Clary! I’m gonna haul you up there, make sure to grab onto something!” Alec’s heart is racing, drumming, letting him know that this situation is too much to bear, but he has to do this. He can’t let her fall into certain death. 

He can see Maia, but not Jace, and there are still a few guards left, now or never. With every ounce of strength he pulls her, swings and throws her, utmost relieved when she gets hold of the rock spur, and Maia lunges for her, hoisting her up.

He’s breathing so heavily, his lungs seem to burst for a moment, trying to grab the ledge with both hands, but he misses, loses his grip, and falls. Maia and Clary watch, their faces distorted by terror.

Intuitively he grasps for his rope, and throws it, the hook latching onto the rock about ten meters further down than he was, his body crashing against the uneven rock as he holds onto the rope with all his might. 

“ALEC!” 

He hears Clary, and Maia’s screams, but he can’t answer, needing a moment to realize he’s alive, his body quite bruised and a couple of bones cracked, but alive, and as long as he is, he can figure this out.

“I’m OK!” He finally manages, daring to lift his head to check whether he can see them. 

He sees movement up there, guards running towards where his friends are, and calculating the distance, he doesn’t see a way how they can help him, and fight the guards, and he’s frightened to see Jace is still nowhere in sight.

“GO! Get help!” He shouts upwards, hearing the sounds of fighting, a figure tumbling down close to him, thankfully none of them. But they can’t stay here.

“Get the fuck out of here! GO, NOW!”

“We’re getting help, Alec, hold on!” He hears Maia speaking out of breath into their comm, and he’s glad they’re running, now able to focus solely on his own predicament. 

“Alec? What is happening? Where are you?” He hears Izzy now, and a lot of rushing sounds, and shortly he thinks he heard Magnus yelling, but he can’t be sure. Everything seems to have gone crazy.

“I’m okay! Don’t worry!” He has no idea where she is and what’s happening up there, but he can’t have her worry, or worse, try to get to him. 

Shit, he has to get up there, the heat is getting to him, drenching him in sweat, and he has no idea how much longer he is able to actually hold onto this rope.

“He’s in trouble, is anyone able to come down here? We are surrounded by guards, and they captured Jace.” He hears Maia, and curses. What is he doing hanging here like an idiot when Jace, and the others are in danger?

Alec hears more shouting and white noise, and curses the comms for not operating properly. He takes a deep breath, and tries to climb up the rope, but after a couple of meters, he can’t seem to get any further, and he could despair, sweat running all along his body, into his eyes, and suddenly he smells something weird, something burning-

He stares in disbelief at his hands, his gloves are smoking. The rope is getting hot from the unbearable heat down here, eating through the fabric. He looks down at himself, his clothes getting slowly but surely burned through, as are his boots.  _ Fuck! _

“Alec, what happened to you?!” He hears Izzy again, tears and fear in her voice, but he can’t do anything about it. 

“It doesn’t matter now! Are you safe?” He counters, hoping with all he has that she, and the others, are.

“Yes, yes, Lydia, Cat, and Dot are hiding with me. We don’t know what happened, but Simon and Luke got in trouble, we heard gunshots, and the real Lilith for a moment, then there was a huge blast, and guards came from everywhere. Magnus is fighting them, but I don’t know where they are now.” She’s speaking fast, and as quietly as she manages, and Alec can tell she’s doing her best to stay calm, but it looks like the worst that could have happened, did.

_ But no one’s dead.  _ He hopes, and looking down at the swirling, glowing, foreign energy source, he hopes he won’t be, either.

~~~

Jace is pretending to be unconscious, just long enough for his body to get used to the restraint and gather enough strength to fight it. The second he feels ready, he overpowers the two guards, knocking them out, and runs back to the hole. 

“Alec, I’m coming!” He shouts into the comm, just one moment unfocused, a second too late noticing someone’s falling on top of him, taking him down, pushing him onto his back, a large hand around his throat, a large body on top of him.

Not a normal guard, a  _ gifted.  _ One taller, and stronger than him. 

~~~

Simon, and Luke don’t need much time to find the office, thanks to Simon’s tech, and getting inside, with help from Luke’s ability, is also easy, but only a couple of minutes later, a silent alert, Simon’s tech detects a moment too late, triggers, and only minutes after that, they’re facing the real Lilith Morgenstern while Raphael can be heard fighting her guards outside. 

None of them noticed Ragnor slipping away before it happened. 

They are shocked to find that she, too, has an ability, when the fire blast she creates wrecks all of the tech within seconds, and their comms, and they just barely make it out of there alive. 

Raphael finds them, and helps them escape while he’s shooting bullet after bullet at inhuman speed at their attackers, some of whom have abilities, as well, and aren’t easy to kill, or even lose. 

Leaving her guards to do the work, Lillith disappears from the fight.

Simon almost gets shot as he’s staring in awe at Raphael flying backwards in the air, his gun trained forward, the bullet bending, changing its course around a corner, to hit its target. 

Then he runs like never before, after Luke, when Raphael jumps to his feet and shouts at them to get the hell away, as their attackers are definitely out for blood.

~~~

When Magnus heard the blast, he knew right away that danger was imminent, brought everyone to a hiding space, and told them to stay there and wait for him to come back.

He was fighting guards right and left, unable to get a hold of Raphael, the comms malfunctioning. 

He got frustrated quickly by the sheer amount of guards, who were still relatively easy to knock out with his skills, but he was desperate to find Raphael, and his group, and get everyone out of there, his body shuddering in sudden, icy fear, when he heard Maia and Alec over the comms, and, though, not knowing what kind of trouble Alec was in exactly, he felt the strongest sense of urgency to get to him, rage rising inside him as more and more guards got into his way, Jace’s voice, letting them know he was about to get to Alec, the only thing letting him calm down and focus again.

~~~

Dot’s face grimaces in fright before she alerts the others. “They’re about to find us!” The women are pressing themselves into the rock more, trying to keep out of sight, in vain.

Lydia suddenly rushes forward, coming face to face with one of the guards, her gun pointed right at Lydia, who’s staring her down. “Listen to me closely. You want to help us, and you will protect us with your life.” The guard seems frozen for a moment, then nods, and turns around, shooting her fellow guard that just arrived, dead.

Lydia turns to the others with haste. “Come, quickly, let’s find a way back to the others!” 

Izzy stares at her in wonder, though she’s seen her use her  _ gift  _ before. “That was fucking badass.” She grabs Lydia’s face with both her hands and kisses her deeply for a moment. 

They part, their smiles wobbly with fear and adrenaline, but hopeful, and speedily head after Dot and Cat, and their temporary personal protection.

~~~

Alec almost sobs as he hears Jace’s voice, opening up new strength resources inside of him.  _ Jace will save you, don’t panic, just hold on, he’s almost here. _

He has no way of telling time, but when he feels the rope hot against his skin where it burned away his gloves and trousers, he starts to panic again a little. 

“Jace? Are you almost here?” Nothing. His chest tightens with concern. “Jace?” 

Jace is trying desperately to not get choked to death by this monstrosity, a man, at least two meters tall, with muscles three times his own, grinning down at him with a row of eerily perfect teeth. 

He can’t answer Alec which makes this situation even more frustrating, and he barely manages to move his feet. Until he stops fighting, loosens his limbs, and manages to slip his hand into his back pocket to pull out a small knife that he rams into the guy’s neck.

He coughs so hard as he gets air back into his lungs, he almost vomits, trying to stand, his body trembling, and sweating, but he notices right away that the guy isn’t incapacitated, and his only chance to save Alec, depends on getting rid of him first.

“Alec, hold on, I’ll be with you soon.” He ignores Alec’s questions, putting all his focus, all his strength and skill, into defeating this obstacle, and rushes forward.

Alec is happy to hear Jace again, but also detects the strain in his voice, and ‘soon’ means that something, or rather someone, is still keeping him. 

Alec closes his eyes, and thinks, trying to ignore the stinging in his hands and legs, where the rope is agonizingly slowly burning into his skin.

~~~

Magnus knocks out another guard, and tries his comm again, as he hears Jace and Alec talking, worry gnawing at him more forcefully as he hears that Jace isn’t able to get to Alec, yet.

“Alec? Can you hear me?” While listening, a new onrush of people arrives he must take down, but finally he hears Alec’s voice.

“Yes, Magnus? Are you alright? Where is everyone?” Alec feels like crying, but it’s no fucking use. He might be able to hold on until his bones are burned through, but what then? 

“I’m not sure.” Magnus groans, having gotten a foot into his stomach, but he swiftly turns, grabs that leg and flings its owner against the wall.

“What about you?  _ Where  _ are you?” Magnus has to get a proper idea of his whereabouts and situation, concerned about how his voice sounds so tense and defeated. 

“Alec?!” He hasn’t heard anything for several seconds, too long for his non-existent patience, fear growing bigger.

“I... I might not make it.” 

Magnus’ body freezes as if dunked in ice water.

“What did you just say? Alec!” Izzy’s almost shrieking, and Magnus can only imagine the horror she must feel, but he himself is starting to shake.

“Alec, for fuck’s sake, hold on! I’m coming back!” Maia is yelling now, but she also sounds out of breath, as if she’s fighting, and Alec doesn’t see how any of them could save him in time. Jace was his best chance. 

“It’s okay, guys. Please, forget about me, and get out of here! Please!” A few tears are mingling with the streams of sweat on his face, and he couldn’t care less. 

“No, Alec, no!” Izzy is crying, and Magnus feels completely helpless for a moment, utterly devastated.

“Iz, it’s alright, as long as you are safe, it doesn’t matter. Please, just get out, and take care of yourself, and listen to Lydia, and the others when your emotions get too much, and don’t hold onto grief or anger, please. I don’t mind as long as you’ll be okay, and happy, promise me. Everyone, be safe, and take care of each other, please.” 

Alec suppresses a sob as he feels the rope tearing into him wherever it touches him, the reek of his own burned flesh stinging in his nose, thinking that maybe he should just let go.

Magnus feels as if someone had pierced through his chest, grabbed his heart, and squeezes it to a near standstill. 

“Alec…” He whispers, bile rising in his throat, agony and rage fighting a battle inside him.

“No, no, no, no! I’m coming, Alec, just hold on, just wait a little longer!” Magnus blasts his every hindering emotion to bits, and starts to run, knocking out guards on his way. No one is going to stop him anymore, he is going to save Alec.

“Magnus, it’s okay. And you mustn’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault. It’s none of your fault, guys, I swear.” Alec cries into his arm, but he’s not ready to give up completely.

“Alec, stop and save your strength!” Magnus is yelling while fighting his way through.

Alec calms himself enough to speak. “Magnus, you have to promise me something. You have to promise me that you won’t stop working on yourself until you’re happy, until you can forgive yourself. I forgive you, for everything, I don’t even need to know. I forgive you. And I want you to know, you’re worth it, and I wouldn’t stop telling you, and showing you, until you know it’s true. But I can’t-”

Instead of the irritating noise his comm’s been making since the blast, there’s only silence now, and Alec could laugh if he didn’t feel like bawling. He hopes Magnus has at least heard him, because he meant every word, and he would give anything to be able to get the opportunity to love him with everything he is.

Magnus is trying in vain to talk to Alec, pushing the feelings of his words far back inside of him, until he is able to deal with them. 

“Alec! For fuck’s sake, you mustn’t give up! I swear I won’t run, I swear we’ll talk it through, I swear! Alec?!” Magnus feels mad tears of despair burning in his eyes, and he’s taking every last drop of anger to fuel his strength, finally free to get to the lift, the fastest way down - but he’s blocked by none other than Jonathan Morgenstern, coming out of nowhere. 

“Get out of my way right now, or I swear I won’t show any mercy.” Magnus threatens, his wrath paramount, but Jonathan merely smirks, showing him a fighting gesture. “No mercy here, either.” 

He winks at Magnus, and Magnus curses, rushes forward and jumps, noticing too late how Jonathan’s skin changes to grey silver, like metal, and when his foot makes contact with Jonathan’s chest, it’s as if he were trying to push through the rock itself, and he tumbles and crashes to the ground, the breath knocked out of him, his ears ringing with distorted laughter.

~~~

Images of his friends crying and screaming are playing on his mind like a broken record, feeling the despair, guilt and grief himself, and though he can hardly stand the pain of the burns anymore, he’s determined to try one last time.

He screams as he pulls his hand off of the rope, unable to look at the wound, and tries to reach higher, dragging his body upwards. 

It’s no use, he can barely move at all, and the rope is already damaged, as well, he maybe has a couple of minutes…

“I’m so sorry, so sorry.” He whispers, hot tears running along his skin, his eyes closed, and he’s letting go.

“ALEC!” 

He’s gasping, gripping onto the rope, the pain making him nauseous, but the shock of a voice from up there is kicking sense back into him, and he looks up, straining his neck to see whether he is not just hallucinating.

~~~

Jace might have never felt so thoroughly beaten up, several of his bones at least fractured, bruises all over his body, but there is no way he’s going to let this fucking beast of a man defeat him. 

No one, and nothing will keep him from getting to Alec. 

He’s lucky he’s faster, and shorter, and definitely smarter, and some of those hits he takes just to lull his opponent into a false sense of security. 

Despite blood still oozing from his neck wound, the knife long pulled out of it and thrown away, he keeps coming at Jace like a bulldozer. 

Which also gives Jace an idea, and when he hears Alec over the comm, saying goodbye to everyone, ripping Jace’s heart apart, he decides playtime is over. He positions himself just right against the rocky wall, taunts the man with everything he’s got, and ducks away just in time, the man’s head colliding with the wall, a few rocks coming loose, hitting him from above, and he’s flat on the ground.

Jace doesn’t look back, dashing along with incredible speed, his heart short of exploding as he arrives at the edge of the precipice, bending down to see… “ALEC!” 

He loses no more time, fastening a rope and himself with it, instantly aware that his friend can barely hold on, and climbs down to him, finding proper halt with two feet and a hand, the other almost able to reach Alec.

“Give me your hand! I’ve got you! Just give me your hand, Alec!” He’s dangling out of his reach, but there are only centimeters keeping them apart, he just needs to reach out! 

It seems like the most trivial thing to do - just move a hand, Jace is really there, he came back for him. But Alec feels inept of even moving a finger, he doesn’t know how he’s still hanging on this rope. He doesn’t know how he’s handling this pain. He should already have fallen, evaporated.

But he can still hear Jace yelling at him, and he’s still hanging on. Somehow. So, why can’t he… move? Just move his hand, just a little. 

He’s staring at Jace’s naked hand, and the silliest thought manifests inside his mind. He will know Jace’s deepest, darkest secret, after all. If he touches him. It’s so stupid he could laugh, cry, scream, he doesn’t even know. But it’s all he can think of.

“Alec, give me your hand, right now! It doesn’t matter! I trust you with my whole damn life, my soul! Just give me your hand!” Jace doesn’t have a clue if he guessed right, but the weird stare Alec’s directing at his hand makes him try. 

Otherwise, he’s going to have to jump, grab him, and hope the rope will hold. 

Jace’s words are penetrating Alec’s mind, and he’s suddenly aware again, gazing up with blurred vision, at his protector, savior, and again, he came for him, to save him. Alec feels delirious, so strange, so worn out, so weary, and hot. So hot. But Jace is here, Jace will make it better, like he used to.

The moment Alec’s hand is close enough, Jace grabs his wrist, uncaring for what’s to come, and hoists him up, fastening Alec to his own body, holding him steady as he climbs up, only able to because of his special skills, and the moment they reach the edge and he knows Alec’s safe on the ground, Jace, too, collapses.

But just for a moment before he crawls back to where Alec’s lying, motionless, to feel his pulse - weak, but there - and confirm he’s still breathing. 

He knows he has to get him out of here, and get him help, those burns looking disgustingly nasty. He hoists him up into his arms, and starts walking, but he cannot see any way up, and he fears that taking one of the pathways will only make them run into more guards, or worse. 

He’s suddenly aware of a sound, the elevator, the second one, coming down. He hopes with all he can that inside are friends, but hides with Alec until he can make out Cat, Dot, and Izzy. 

He could cry with relief, but hurries towards them instead. Izzy’s crying harder as she sees her brother in the state he’s in, even shocked to see Jace in the state he is, but all that matters is Cat healing Alec now.

“Where are the others? What happened?” Jace asks Dot, who’s looking out of it. 

“Magnus, he, he’s fighting Jonathan Morgenstern. He’s like a machine, invulnerable, Lydia’s trying to help, but she’s exhausted, and we still haven’t heard from the others.” She’s trying hard to keep her tears at bay, and Jace looks worried, up to where they must be, trying to figure out what to do. 

“Stay here and keep him safe, come up with the elevator as soon as he’s conscious again!” He shouts at them, already rushing into the lift to get up there. They need to control these bastards, and send them to hell - or jail, whatever, he doesn’t much care anymore. 

~~~

Magnus gets back on his feet, shaking off the nausea he feels. What the fucking fuck is this man?! He can’t make out a single vulnerable spot, and he’s even gotten undressed, boasting with his arms outstretched, turning so Magnus can admire him.

_ What a fucking ass!  _

“I’m perfection, aren’t I? My mother made sure of it.” His grin is so aggravating to Magnus he wants to pull every tooth out, one by one, and then his fucking tongue. 

“Perfectly arrogant, and overestimating yourself.” Magnus growls, trying to buy himself time, to figure out what to do about this, afraid Alec won’t have much time left - if he isn’t already - no! He  _ mustn’t _ think that.

“Magnus!” He gets a huge surprise when he sees Dot, Cat, Lydia, and Izzy rushing towards them, glad they seem fine, but then he sees the guard behind them, with a gun. 

“Get down!” He yells and watches shell-shocked as the guard passes them, and points her gun at Jonathan, telling him to surrender.

The man looks a little puzzled, but even more amused, not at all afraid, which cants Magnus’ fragile hope of defeating him, quickly. 

He grabs for the guard and she fires, shooting him three times, each bullet dropping from his silver skin without leaving a scratch, and as he strangles the guard, Magnus gestures the others to get into the lift, fast.

Lydia stays behind, wanting to try to help, seeking out Jonathan’s gaze. “You can’t move, you are frozen.” She tells him absolutely, and it seems to be working. 

Magnus rushes towards her, wanting to get with her into the lift, but Cat’s shout makes him look back, and to his dismay, Jonathan’s already moving again, if slowly. Magnus knows it won’t be enough, and runs after Lydia, who is desperately trying to control him again, but she’s shaking from the fatigue using her ability this much is forcing on her.

“Go! Save Alec!” Magnus shouts back at the others inside the lift moving downwards, jumps and just manages to push Lydia out of Jonathan’s way. He gets the brunt of his attack and crashes against the wall, noticing that Lydia isn’t able to get back on her feet. 

His only choice is to buy them time, because he doesn’t think he can defeat him like this. A small miracle arrives in the guise of Raphael, Simon, and Luke, who have successfully fought their way back. 

Jonathan seems irated at seeing his mother with them, but soon figures out she’s not really her, and Raphael’s shots, hitting their target with utmost precision, can’t harm him, either. 

Simon, and Luke get Lydia to safety, and can only look on as Magnus and Raphael are trying to overpower Jonathan, seeming futile.

~~~

Maia and Clary have fought a dozen guards at least, making their way along one of the pathways, finally reaching a sort of laboratory. There are hundreds of blinking lights, wires, huge transparent machines with liquids, and computers, and things they have no idea what they are supposed to be. 

Maia just wants to get them both out of there, the guilt of leaving Alec and Jace behind, threatening to squash her if she loses sight of her goal. 

Clary has been weird ever since arriving here, and she still seems affected by that sphere of energy, mumbling something to herself Maia can’t decipher, but nothing’s so bad now she’s not in danger of being burned alive. Maia can’t even let herself think of it. Out, they need a way out. 

There’s a crash in the next room, and Maia grabs Clary to duck with her behind a few machines, trying to tune out everything but the sounds of whoever’s there. She frowns deeply, wondering whether she can really trust herself, but her senses have never been wrong.

She stands slowly, telling Clary to stay put, and takes a peek through the gap in the door. 

“Ragnor? What the hell?” 

“Christ, girl, you almost gave me a heart attack, I’m so happy to see you, where are the others?” Ragnor has a box with things Maia can’t discern in his hands, and takes Clary’s hand who’s joined them. 

“They’re... we had to. I don’t know whether Alec and Jace are still alive.” Maia feels bone-crushing guilt now she speaks the words, and Ragnor looks crestfallen, but sympathetic. 

“It’s not your fault, this place is worse than back then, we have to get upstairs again, find Lilith, and her minions, and subdue them.” 

It sounds as if he knows what he’s talking about, which surprises Maia and Clary greatly.

“What do you mean? How?” Clary feels a little more like herself again, and asking questions helps to distract her mind.

“I will explain everything, later, come on, I know a way.” 

They have no choice but to follow Ragnor, wholly confused, but cautiously hopeful.

~~~

When Jace left, Izzy and Dot quickly gathered guns from the defeated guards, watching for unpleasant surprises while Cat has been doing her best to mend Alec’s injuries. She won’t be able to heal him completely, but after a couple of minutes, his eyelids begin to move, and he slowly comes round again.

“Where, what, Jace!” He’s startling upwards, looking dizzy, held up by Cat’s hands, shushing him, and Izzy throws the gun away to rush to his side.

“Are you okay? How do you feel?” She’s observing him carefully, and Alec feels too weird to even start, and though the pain is somehow dulled, he’s sure it’ll get worse again, and, anyway, he’s obviously alive, somehow. 

“Jace saved me, where is he?” They help him get to his feet as he won’t take no for an answer, and help him to where the lift is coming down again. 

“He went up there to help Magnus fight Jonathan, he seems to be invincible or some shit.” Dot can’t care to find nicer words, she has had more than enough of this damned place, and these freaking abilities. 

“What? Fuck!” They agree with Alec, wait for the lift to still, and get inside, hoping to find Magnus and Jace well, and that someone will come up with a solution.

~~~

Jonathan looks terribly delighted to get chance to prove his superiority against them, taunting them every step, smirking every time their attacks are fruitless.

Magnus and Raphael are out of breath, sweating, and trembling, bruised, and out of ideas. The sound of the arriving lift distracts them for a second, just as Jonathan shows off his hand. “You didn’t think I had nothing more to show, did you?” 

Out of his knuckles, smooth, silver metal knives grow, and he’s heading straight for Raphael, who is distracted enough to not see him coming. Magnus does, however, and he throws himself between them, screaming as the knives tear into his hip, and all the way down his thigh, Jonathan’s grin a grotesque grimace. 

Jace comes running the second the doors open, shocked to witness Magnus wounded on the ground, blood gushing from him, and Raphael looking ashen, and distraught. 

“Hey, you! Thanks for waiting for me, it’s time to play with someone your own size now!” 

Jace hopes his words are primitive, and annoying enough to draw Jonathan’s attention, so Raphael and the others - he’s fucking delighted to see Simon alive, and relatively unharmed, having denied himself to think of another probability as there was absolutely  _ nothing  _ he could have done for him - can get Magnus out of the way. 

Simon’s smile is bright, tears of relief shimmering in his eyes, and he mouths something to Jace, and Jace nods at him, full of confidence he only half feels, but he will try his absolute best to stay alive.

Jonathan does ignore the others now, coming towards Jace, and Raphael is quick to help Magnus get away, his leg unsalvageable right now. They can only bandage the wounds, and inject him with some painkillers.

“We need a plan, and very fast, or Jace will end up the same way.” Magnus doesn’t care to sugarcoat the situation. He’s amazed that Jace is here, and hopes that means that Alec is alright, but he couldn’t ask, didn’t dare. And he’s fighting the pain, losing too much blood. 

They need a miracle.

~~~

Maia, Clary, and Ragnor make haste, up a winding staircase inside the mountain, through a tunnel, and into a lift hidden at the end of it.

“How the hell did you find this?” Maia is stunned, and relieved, but so confused.

“I have some experience, and I knew there had to be a secret way. I had to find this.” He pats the box he’s carrying. 

“What is it?” She asks, an arm around Clary who’s leaning heavily into her side.

“The details aren’t important right now, but it’s what we need to win this fight.” The door opens.

“Come, quickly!” Maia isn’t satisfied at all, but she’s willing to trust him, and pulls Clary along after him.

It doesn’t take long until they are rounding a corner, and suddenly facing Lilith Morgenstern, who’s looking rather curious, not at all concerned. 

And when she sees Clary, she seems almost a little excited. “You I can use. You’ll be an excellent addition.” Her eyes glare, fire inside them, and Clary is doing her best to seem defiant and strong, shielded by Maia in a second, who’s standing tall, seemingly not intimidated and ready to fight her tooth and nail.

Ragnor takes the opportunity to take something from the box, and hides it in his pocket, then half turns to the women, blocking them from Lilith. “Girls, you run now, to the left, you’ll find another pathway that leads to the exit. Don’t worry about me, just get out of here. Now.” 

Maia hesitates, but she knows she’s no match for that woman, and, though despair fills her insides, she doesn’t argue anymore, Ragnor has to know what he’s doing, and she  _ needs  _ Clary far away from all of this, the look in Lilith’s eyes haunting her. 

They run, and mere seconds later, flinch from the crash behind them, first a blast of fire, then a part of the rock coming down. 

“Wait, we have to-” Clary is frozen, and Maia doesn’t have a choice, but to pull her along. Ragnor can’t have done this to kill himself with her, right? There’s no way! She’s terrified to have three deaths on her conscience now, but she keeps running.

~~~

Jace is getting tired from running, dodging, jumping, and avoiding Jonathan’s attacks, and he seems rather pissed off at him. But there’s literally nothing else he can do, to keep himself from getting injured, and Jonathan away from the others. 

He’s so worn, as he avoids another attack, he tumbles, and Jonathan takes the opportunity instantly, only grazing Jace’s arm with his knives because Jace hears Simon’s scream, and manages to roll away before he’s stabbed. But he’s depleted, his mind only running schemes now to distract Jonathan enough, so the others can get out of here. He doesn’t believe he will, however, and he’s made his peace with that.

He’s just back on his feet, Jonathan snarling at him, when the lift appears he hadn’t even noticed going or coming, and Izzy, Cat, Dot, and Alec are stepping out, catching Jonathan’s attention.

On the other side, Maia and Clary suddenly appear. He is so very glad to see them all. So, all that’s left to do, is get Jonathan out of their way. Jace doesn’t wait, turns towards the wall, races it upwards, and turns, jumping towards Jonathan, taking him down, his legs around his neck, squeezing as hard as he can, his arms pulling Jonathan’s backwards with all of his remaining strength, hoping to buy them all enough time.

“Everyone get out of here, now!” He yells as loudly as he can.

Jonathan is thrashing, trying to stab him with his hand, and Jace can’t protect himself much like this, and when he manages to free his arm, and slit Jace’s side, Jace has to let go, only just finding enough leeway to move before he stabs him again.

It’s no use, he can’t even hold him off. Everyone’s desperate, and worried, and exhausted, unable to come up with a plan, and Jonathan is shouting in anger, wanting to finish Jace off, and then all the rest of them.

Maia steps forward. “Your psychotic mother is dead, by the way!” She shouts, getting his attention, everyone else shocked, not knowing whether to believe her, or not, or what’s going on.

“What did you say, scum?” Jonathan turns and takes a step towards her, unable to hide his confusion.

“I said your crazy mother is dead!” Clary steps beside her, entwining their hands tightly, ready to face whatever happens next, together. “It’s true. We saw her get crushed by a shitload of heavy rocks. She couldn’t even move a finger anymore.”

Maia glares sharply at him, a cunning smirk on her lips. “Dead, dead, dead.” 

She makes a gesture as if slitting her own throat with a finger, thinking to herself that she must be insane to mock him like this, but for some reason, in all of her desperation, panic, and guilt - that has decreased exponentially since finding Alec, and Jace, alive - there is something she senses, something that gives her courage.  _ Ragnor. _

“You crazy bitches!” Jonathan screams, their words getting to him more than anyone would have thought, and Maia and Clary are pulled away by the others before he can catch them.

Jace has some fight left in him, and Raphael takes new courage, as well, coordinating his attacks with Jace’s, as Jonathan gets more and more riled up, and unfocused.

~~~

Alec can’t even be happy to see Jace, and Magnus, and the others, as Jace looks like he’s at his limit, and Magnus is wounded, his bandages drenched in blood, his face pale, but he’s looking at him, and even from here, Alec can see the relief, even a semblance of joy, on his face. 

Alec knows he’s insanely lucky to be alive, and so might they all be, but not all of them will stay so, if they can’t somehow get rid of Jonathan. 

After Maia shocked them all, and Jace and Raphael aren’t defeated fighting a wild Jonathan, yet, he hears Dot whispering next to him. “Ragnor, my god.” 

Alec is trying to see what she does, but she saw the future, of course. However, less than half a minute later, Ragnor appears from where Maia and Clary came before, and Lilith is with him, looking vanquished, like she cannot believe what happened, her hair and clothes grey from dust and rubble. 

“My son!” Lilith addresses Jonathan, her eyes wide, and he stills, breathing heavily, turning to her in disbelief. “Mother! They lied to me!” There’s new rage flaring up inside of him, and Lilith encourages him, still thinking they have the advantage, but Ragnor has already moved, and throws something at Jace, who catches it swiftly.

“Put this on his wrist, quick!” Jace doesn’t hesitate, and, though, Lilith screams and Jonathan shouts, the black device closes around his wrist, and seconds later, his skin turns back to its original color, and the knives in his hand disappear. Jonathan looks upset, and helplessly at his mother, now on his knees, but she can’t help him, wearing the same device herself.

“Cat, Magnus.” Alec leans heavily onto his sister, feeling dizzy again, and Dot helps to steady him, but Magnus needs help even more urgently, and Cat rushes past them to her friend, and starts to mend his wounds immediately. By now he’s merely able to stay conscious. 

“Everyone, are you willing to get these two arrested and be tried at a court of law?” Lydia stands and asks around, willing to go with whatever the majority wants, after all the near deaths they had today, but she’s still hoping for a trial, for justice, because there is no way that they can get out of a life sentence.

“Alec?” Izzy strokes his cheek softly, for a moment forgetting herself, and Alec just smiles weakly. “A trial sounds good, as long as there’s no chance they can use their abilities again?” He looks at Ragnor, like everyone else, still stunned about this miracle they did, indeed, witness.

“They won’t as long as they are wearing these, and only I can open them.” Ragnor answers, and Luke takes Lilith, who’s struggling to no avail, and a crying Jonathan, cuffs their hands together, and leads them outside, to where he’s hoping Alaric, Ollie, and at least two dozen officers and agents, paramedics and forensics have arrived, or will soon. He sent the signal to Alaric just before they encountered Lilith the first time.

Simon rushes to where Jace is sitting, leaning against the rocky wall, kisses and hugs him gently, then bandages his wounds, shaking his head in awe at his superhuman boyfriend, their smiles soft, their expressions astounded, and happy. 

Lydia checks on Izzy and Alec, and Dot rushes to Cat and Magnus, and Maia hugs Clary tightly, emotions washing over her, her eyes brimming with tears, because she feels so terribly happy that they all made it. 

Raphael pats Ragnor on the shoulder, and looks at him inquisitively. “I know, I know, and you’ll get answers, but there’s something else I must do first.” 

He walks past him, towards the lift, and Clary suddenly frees herself from Maia, and rushes after him. “Ragnor, wait! Is it true? I’m not crazy, am I? I wasn’t seeing things! Alec saw them, too!” 

Alec’s looking at her perplexed, clueless as to what she means, and Ragnor tries to calm her, without success.

“I saw faces in the, in that thing! Faces! Of humans! Someone tell me I’m right, please!” She looks devastated, and Alec’s trying to remember, but it was all so horrible, and he barely looked down - but when he held onto Clary. His mind saw, even if he didn’t consciously. 

Faces, in the sphere. What?

“I… I think, I saw something.” He feels disturbed now, and Clary’s crying, Maia hugging her from behind, trying to comfort her. 

No one understands, and Ragnor can’t leave them like this. “Yes, you’re right, dear, and I am very sorry you had to see that.” He looks at Clary, full of remorse, then around at the others.

“The energy comes from human beings who have been altered to be used as a special form of power that exists nowhere else.” 

He looks around at all the shocked and upset faces, sighing inwardly. “The short story is that 30 years ago, I was an electronic engineer, quite the distinguished expert.” He chuckles humorlessly. 

“The Circle came to me, and offered me a job I refused, and then, they had other ways to convince me to work for them. They abducted my sister, and confined her while I developed a new source of power for them. I never wanted to let them use people, but-” 

He closes his eyes, everyone eerily quiet. “I injected myself with a serum to gain an ability, which turned out to be slow ageing, and you know the other. I staged an explosion, made the whole laboratory collapse, and wanted to free my sister, but she was already dead when I got to her… and I just… ran, and hid from them, from the world, from what I had done, thinking that my work was destroyed, but as we entered this mountain, and I saw how Clary reacted, I knew I was wrong.” 

The silence is heavy and oppressive, and no one knows what to say. Magnus, who feels only really terrible now, and not close to dying anymore, sits up straight. “They can’t be saved, can they?” 

Ragnor looks at him, eyes widening, then he shakes his head, downcast. “I’m so sorry, I wish I had known all of this before we got here, but now I can only shut the power off forever.” 

No one’s saying anything, Clary’s quiet sobbing resounding in the stifled air, and Ragnor turns, and steps into the lift, wishing he could have given them different answers. 

They wait like that, until Maia can’t hear the humming anymore, and Clary sobs into her shoulder, as the power is shut off by Ragnor. 

It feels surreal to all of them. Only a short while later, the entrance is crowded with people, directing questions at them, guiding them all outside. Lilith and Jonathan, confined inside a car, watch Sebastian Verlac, who had to have found about goings on here somehow, arguing with a couple detectives, then getting arrested minutes later, after Luke and Lydia talked to them.

~~~

The multitude of voices becomes a mere jumble in Alec’s head, and he’s drowning them out as he sits on the back of an open ambulance while his wounds are being treated. Cat used the last of her waning ability on him, after Magnus pleaded with her, and promised he was alright. 

They will both have to get used to some scars, but it’s a small price to pay for their lives. 

There are even more people here now, swarming around, and Alec’s lost sight of every familiar face, an awkward, restless sensation creeping up his back, until he spots Jace, the tension in his body dropping, as he’s coming towards him. 

“You look like hell.” Truly, the worst he’s ever seen him, and he feels like crying. He’s only alive because of him. And, also, because thinking of everyone somehow gave him the courage and strength to persevere,  _ just _ long enough.

Jace smirks, and to Alec’s huge surprise, pulls him straight into a hug, and doesn’t let go of him for several moments. Alec’s body gradually relaxes, his arms closing around Jace, as he sighs into his shoulder. 

_ WAIT. _

He almost leaps back, straining to look at Jace’s face, eyes wide, mouth open, flashes of memories filling his mind with urgency.

“You… you touched me, when I gave you my hand, I know I passed out right away, but-” He’s searching Jace’s face for an explanation that makes sense to him.

Jace steps back, and nods. “I did, and nothing happened, Alec.” 

Alec blinks, licks his dry lips, and thinks. “D’you think that was because I passed out?” 

Jace shrugs. “One way to find out.” He reaches out his hand, and Alec stares at it, bewildered, expectant, his heartbeat getting louder with every second, and he wants him to not touch him, but more so, he needs to know, and Jace’s fingers touch the naked skin of his forearm, and he’s holding his breath, and nothing happens, but goosebumps spreading everywhere. 

Jace closes his whole hand around Alec’s wrist, and cups the back of Alec’s neck while Alec seems frozen, and  _ nothing  _ happens.

“I, I don’t understand.” 

Jace shrugs again, smiling softly. “Maybe after they finished with this place, we’ll get some answers. But, I guess, there are always some exceptions to every rule. There might be more people out there your ability doesn’t work on.” He caresses Alec’s neck for a second before he lets go of him.

_ More people out there. Oh, wow. Maybe.  _ It’s a possibility, now for real.

Alec’s still zoned out when Jace nudges his shoulder with his elbow. “There’s someone waiting to see you.” 

He smirks slightly after Alec looks startled and frowns at him, points with a nod of his head, and walks away. Alec’s eyes find  _ him _ , his heart stuttering in his chest, his throat dry, his body overcome by a gentle, yet intense shudder.

Magnus is walking towards him, a few people rushing by before and behind him, but their eyes stay locked, their sole focus on each other. He’s walking with a light limp, and Alec wonders how much pain he is in, hoping he’s as drugged up, as he himself is. 

Magnus’ hair is all flat and a little messy, and yet, he looks more handsome than Alec can remember.  _ He’s alive. They’re alive.  _

Alec stands slowly as Magnus reaches him, scrambling for what to say, shocked once more when Magnus leans up and wraps his arms tightly around his shoulders, pressing his body onto Alec’s, a quivering breath sounding in Alec’s ear. 

He pauses his every thought, and closes his arms around Magnus, inhaling the smell of sweat, dried blood, gunpowder, metal, and  _ him,  _ as if he’s never known a more pleasing scent. 

_ Alive, alive. _

“I’m so sorry I didn’t make it to you.” 

There’s so much emotion in those whispered words, Alec has to breathe past the contraction in his throat, carefully drawing back to look at his face.

“Don’t be.” He wants to say so much, but the words don’t make it past the emotional barrage, and he brings his right hand up, touching Magnus’ cheek with the back of his non bandaged fingers, meeting his eyes, deep, dark, and gold. 

“I’m going to have to become friends with Jace now, don’t I?” Magnus smiles, suppressing a laugh, fearing it would come out as a sob, leaning into Alec’s touch. He thought he might never feel him again, and even now, it’s still so fragile, surreal, close to unbearable.

Alec smiles fondly, causing shivers all through Magnus as he moves his fingers along his temple and jaw gently. 

Magnus brings his hand up to cover Alec’s, unable to take his eyes off of his face. He doesn’t know where to go from here, but  _ right here  _ is where he needs to be, right now, that’s all he knows.

Until Alec’s next words confuse, and shatter something inside him.

“I can touch Jace without triggering my ability. When he saved me nothing happened, and just now we confirmed it. Maybe there are more people like that, more people you could touch, as well.” 

Alec’s eyes are shining with wonder, and Magnus feels as if everything about him is wrong. 

His thoughts, feelings, actions, as he pulls away from Alec, averting his eyes, unable to process what he just told him, the repercussions of this new fact. 

He’s closing in on himself, shutting doors, raising walls, trying to protect what’s left, to figure out what this means, for himself, for Alec. But it could only mean one thing.

“That’s… I, I’m glad for you, that’s good.” He might find someone now, someone he can be with, someone better, someone deserving, someone worthy, someone-

“Magnus, hey.” Magnus’ head snaps up, his gaze sharp and deeply troubled, Alec’s injured hand on his upper arm, burning through the fabric of his thin shirt, his gear back at the ambulance he got treated in, and he feels... he feels so small, and weird, and wanting to be non-existent, at this moment, just until he sorts himself out.

But Alec’s not letting go of him, even though he must be in pain, and Magnus is causing him more pain, and how could that ever be what Alec wants, needs, deserves? 

Magnus feels himself spiraling, unable to do anything about it, and the crush of Alec’s gentle, yet sudden embrace is taking away his breath, his means of escape, his craving to be alone, far away.

He closes his eyes, unable to perceive anything around him but his own ragged breathing, the hammering of his heart, the blood pulsating in his veins, and Alec’s voice, telling him over and over that it’s alright.

Until something in his mind is starting to believe him.

His arms are sore from all that fighting and being thrown around, even more so from the tension in his body, but he moves them to hug Alec back clumsily, gasping into his shoulder as if coming up from underwater, a light sheen of sweat on his skin.

“I’m sorry, Magnus, I didn’t mean to overwhelm, or scare you. I’m sorry.” Alec holds him a little tighter, and Magnus takes a minute to focus on his breathing, until he feels calm enough to act normal again. 

He leans back gradually, to let Alec know to let him go, his arms and body reluctantly freeing him.

Magnus shakes his head lightly, glancing up at Alec’s face, not quite ready to look into his eyes. “It’s okay, you didn’t do anything wrong. I guess I was just a little shocked at the thought of… that being true.” 

“I understand, it’s a huge revelation, and maybe we will find out for sure some time, but Magnus-” Alec takes his hands carefully into his bandaged ones, and Magnus is catapulted back to the moment Alec revealed his feelings for him, and all he can do is stare, and stand still.

Alec takes a long time, and Magnus has no idea how to react, what to say, what to do, and he can only wait, already certain he will do the wrong thing, no matter what Alec’s going to say.

“Let’s just get back home, and get some rest now, okay?” 

Magnus feels Alec’s thumbs tenderly circling the skin of his hands, and once his words finally make sense in his woozy brain, he can only nod. 

Alec’s lip quirks into a tiny smile before he leans forward, his lips leaving a lingering sensation on Magnus’ forehead, even as they part, find the others, and are driven back to the house.

~~~

They’ve all nodded off on the way back, and at their arrival they’re all just wanting to get clean, and more sleep. 

But none of them can say no to the hot soup Dot and Cat seem to magically produce in no time, and, after everyone got showered and changed - Jace helping Alec as he can’t use his hands properly, yet - they gather in the living-room, huddled together, covered in blankets, with hot tea and soup, and for a while no one’s talking, at all.

There’s a tranquility all around them, everyone can feel, a whole-hearted gratitude that they are all here, together, again. Despite their pale, tired faces, and worn, injured bodies, their eyes are filled with a shine of immeasurable relief, and, at least for the moment, untainted joy. 

Raphael sits up, turning to his friend Ragnor. “I have to know what those bracelets are, and how they’re able to… take away our abilities.” 

Of course, they are all curious, still baffled at how Ragnor was able to do that, how he even knew about that, and why he never told anyone before. 

They’re all listening closely. 

“I spent a little over a year at that Circle laboratory, and I saw a lot of their inventions, and failures. They always wanted to have control over their creations, because what if something got so out of hand, even they couldn’t do anything about it? But all of their attempts at finding the one thing that worked on everyone, failed, and I was also curious, I also wanted to try to find something so vital, and unique. There was a series of materials that worked well together - I’ll spare you the complicated formulas and details - and when I left, I took a sample with me, a few of their records, and after years of living like a recluse and trying to forget, I found them again, and you cannot imagine how bored and tired of life I was at that time, so I just played around.” 

“I wasn’t seriously going to find the solution, but I kept searching, and trying anyway. And I didn’t need a human guinea pig, I just tried it on myself. And one day, it worked. You can maybe imagine how flabbergasted I was. But I was missing enough of the serum. I made these bracelets, just in case, and I took them with me to the mountain, just out of a hunch, and when I realised what they did, I knew I had to find more of the serum to combine with the material of the bracelets, and their laboratory didn’t let me down. They have litres of it, but they still weren’t able to perfect it.” 

“That’s terrifying.” Dot ponders.

“And amazing,” Raphael says, longing in his gaze, but he knows it’s not what he’s looking for, and today, in spite of everything, he was glad he had his ability, to save his friends. 

They only killed those guards who didn’t leave them a choice, and even that giant man Jace fought, wasn’t dead, and will be treated, especially for the manipulation of his mind. Jace was kind of relieved to hear it, but he still doesn’t particularly want to fight him, or someone like him, again.

“But what have you been earning your money with?” Cat inquires, taking the opportunity to learn more about her friend, now he’s ready to reveal his past.

Ragnor smiles a little mysteriously, and leans back, letting them wait, until they’re all pleading with him, and teasing him to finally tell them.

“Well, my sister was a writer, a brilliant wordsmith. Even her first book was a major success, and she always told me about her stories, the characters she invented, they were all so rich, and complex, and lively. I went back to our house a few months after her funeral, and I found her books, and the manuscript of the last one she had started. And as I was reading it, a conversation we once had came to mind again. She had asked me to finish her books, if one day she wouldn’t be able to.” 

His eyes are brimming with tears, but he keeps smiling, and he needn’t continue for everyone to understand. 

Cat and Dot move over to hug him and he welcomes their comfort. Soon after, they decide unanimously to turn in for the night. 

~~~

“No, please, there’s a room left, and you ought to sleep in a proper bed.” Cat chides in her firm, most caring voice, as Magnus is about to make his bed on the couch. 

He looks at her surprised, tired to his bones, not capable of an argument. “Alright.” He sighs, lets her take his arm and guide him upstairs to the aforementioned bedroom, close to where Dot and herself are staying, and if it is mostly so she can hear him should he talk (or worse) in his sleep, he cannot mind it tonight. All he wants is undisturbed, deep sleep, and to have all the answers when he wakes. 

She tugs him in, and he even lets her kiss his hair faintly, her eyes bright, her smile brighter. 

“Good night, Magnus. I love you, sleep tight.” And like a magic spell, sleep takes him promptly.

~~~

Izzy and Jace accompany Alec to his room, and he can’t deny them, inwardly grateful for the company.

Whatever Cat did, he feels no pain, just the memory of agony inside his mind, distressing his heart, but he knows he will learn to live with this, too. He was too close to losing everyone. 

“Hey.” Izzy smiles at him, touching his leg carefully, as they sit on his bed, Jace on his other side, his arm and side also bandaged, bruises on his face, and his knuckles, and those are only the ones visible. 

Alec swallows hard, and tries a smile for her, for them. “It’s almost like the time we were fleeing from the Circle, hiding, just the three of us.” He reaches out his hands, cautiously touching both of theirs, the onset of tears blurring his vision.

Izzy lets a tear run down her cheek, and carefully takes his uninjured fingers in between her hands. Jace, too, covers Alec’s hand with his. 

“But we’re not just three anymore.” He says, making sure to catch their eyes, smiling. 

It’s like an epiphany, and at the same time, a matter of course he’s known for a long time now. Alec nods, a tear hanging by a thread, falling as he coaxes them both into a big hug. He doesn’t have the words for how thankful, hopeful, overwhelmed, and oddly melancholic he feels. Most of all, for how much he loves them. 

And, apart from them, these people coming into their lives, one by one, usually unannounced, by chance, coincidence, or circumstance. All of them touching each other in different ways, forming invisible bonds, threading their hearts, and lives together.

He doesn’t want to miss any of them. And one, specifically, he doesn’t want to scare away again. 

“I love you both.” Izzy says, eyes filled with fresh tears, smiling.

“Love you, too.” Jace replies, squeezing them a little tighter. 

“Love you.” Alec murmurs, smirking as they pull apart, Alec and Izzy wiping their eyes while Jace grins, but Alec and Izzy know he’s crying inside, really.

“Now, sleep, we all need it. And find me if you need anything.” Jace drops a kiss on Izzy’s head, ruffles Alec’s hair, and heads to the door, turning around again. “Goodnight.” 

He closes the door, and Izzy crawls over to Alec’s other side, slips under the cover and snuggles against him, her head on his chest as he lies down on his back, an arm loosely around her.

“Isn’t Lydia gonna miss you?” 

“Of course she is, but she’ll be okay without me for a while. I just need to hear your heartbeat right now.” Her voice turns to a whisper, and Alec’s chest grows with affection, impossible to express the amount of gratitude he’s overcome with, to still be alive, to have this.

~~~

Magnus comes to slowly, his mind fuzzy, registering dull pain on one side of his body, some aches he’s almost used to, but he’s quite astonished to find bright daylight as he opens his eyes, glancing at the window. If he dreamt, he can’t remember, and he doesn’t care to.

He just lies there like that for minutes, until his mind’s memories are all back, almost in order. How he’s here, in a room, in the Lightwood house, after everything that’s happened only a day or so ago, is simply staggering. 

He moves deliberately cautiously, undresses completely, and looks over his body. He pulls the bandages off of his wounds carefully to check the state they’re in, all looking as they should, well, much better than they would without Catarina’s healing. Quite extraordinary. 

He hopes it’s the same for Alec. Oh. He has somehow managed to not think of him consciously, but now he’s taking over Magnus’ mind. He decides to wash up, get dressed, and get coffee and something to eat, before anything else. 

He needs to be able to not make a fool of himself when they talk again, and he’s certain they will. He promised him he won’t run again, even though Alec doesn’t know that, because he couldn’t hear him, but Magnus knows, and he’d rather cut off his finger than disappoint him like that. 

Leaving the room, he’s surprised to find Raphael, apparently waiting for him. “Hey, are you okay?” How could any of them truly be? But how can they not after surviving  _ that?  _ Mind-boggling.

He nods, smiling, his facial expression almost shy, but there’s a warmth in his eyes, and Magnus doesn’t get it, until he speaks.

“Thank you, Magnus, for saving me, again, and I’m really sorry you got hurt because of me.” 

_ Oh no.  _ Magnus takes a deep breath inwardly, and puts a hand, ungloved, because he really forgot, carefully on Raphael’s shoulder. “We’re all fucking lucky, and we all helped each other, or we wouldn’t be here now. Not all of us.” 

Raphael nods, his body moving towards Magnus, but he steps back a second later. “Breakfast’s ready, actually lunch is, too, you slept in.” He smirks, and Magnus blinks, bemused, raises an eyebrow, in the end unable to suppress the urge to smile, and follows Raphael who’s grinning, not caring to hide it.

Actually, Magnus finds the table filled with all kinds of amazing looking food and drinks, and he wonders when all of this got here, until Dot explains that Luke showed up earlier, bringing food with him, and Maia and Clary got up early to pick up Sophie and Merlin, and Gretel insisted they take some food from her garden. She makes almost everything herself. And it all tastes and smells delicious.

“Is Cat not up, yet?” Magnus asks around a piece of fresh bread, still warm inside, which he slathered thickly with blueberry jam. 

“She got up before me. She’s with Alec now, checking on his burns.” Dot sips on her tea, and Magnus swallows, a little less enthusiastic. 

He’d asked Maia last night discreetly about what exactly had happened to them, down there, and he can’t even imagine what they went through, especially Alec, his life literally hanging by a thread. And burns hurt excruciatingly, and he has so many-

“Magnus, hey. Don’t think about it. He’ll be fine, and so will you. Today, and tomorrow, is important now, okay?” Dot looks at him emphatically, and Magnus shakes the memory of hearing Alec’s last words over the comm off, as much as he’s able to, nods, and forces himself to finish breakfast, swallowing it down with Ragnor’s favorite brand of green tea.

He leaves to get some fresh air outside, happy to see Lydia, Izzy, Clary, and Maia playing with Sophie not far away from the house. 

He wonders where Merlin got to, and finds him in the living-room with Ragnor, Luke, and Raphael. He joins them, listening to their discussion about literature, and when Merlin decides to lie down on him, purring ecstatically when Magnus shifts almost into a lying position so the cat can curl up on his chest, he feels strangely comforted, even somewhat homely. A vast, bizarre contrast to yesterday. 

He doesn’t notice as he slowly nods off, soft cat purrs and the voices of friends lulling him into drowsiness, the arrival of more and more people, especially Alec’s voice, reaching his consciousness, startling him awake. 

Merlin startles a little, too, and jumps off of him, giving him a chance to sit up and gather his wits.

Simon and Jace are the last to head inside, hand in hand, but Magnus’ attention quickly shifts to Alec sitting beside Isabelle, his hands freshly bandaged, looking a lot better generally. Magnus is so glad to see him like this, he’s filled with emotions he can’t place, or maybe doesn’t dare to, even now. Instead of cursing himself, he’s trying to be lenient, giving himself some more time. 

Luke informs them about all the arrests of Circle members, about them being able to locate all their facilities now and shut them down in time. That they’re going to get help from the mayor, police, and special agency for people with abilities, to enforce new laws, provide shelter, medical and psychological help for the victims, and relocate them. He says that his hope is that no one  _ gifted _ will have to hide in fear from now on, and will be able to seek the help they need. 

Verlac, and the Morgensterns, will stand trial within a few months, as well as every corrupt politician, officer, doctor, and everyone else helping them. Many fled the moment news of the Morgensterns’ arrest reached them, but he’s confident they’ll find them all in time. They finally have everything they need, a lot more than they could have hoped for.

Lydia requests to help with any legal work, and some of the others volunteer immediately to help with anything they can, knowing how it feels to be alone, shunned, hunted, and tormented. Luke accepts gladly, and will soon give them details.

After he leaves, they all stay together in the living-room, somehow at a bit of a loss of what to do now, next, at all. It seems as if a whole new world of opportunities has opened up in front of them, and it’s hard to believe, and overpowering.

“I’m going to open a shelter for marine creatures, close to the beach.” Maia’s radiating, surprising everyone.

“Then I’m going to paint the walls, signs, and make the flyers, and whatever else you want.” Clary smiles, hugging her side, her chin on her shoulder.

“I’m going to write a new book, Luke’s got some fantastic ideas, I think I’ll ask him to co-write it with me.” Ragnor says, a content smile on his face.

“Can I work at the shelter with you?” Raphael asks, looking at Maia and Clary, who seem pleasantly shocked at his question. “Of course, everyone’s welcome.” Maia smiles broadly at him, and Raphael looks stunned, and happy.

“I just want a proper greenhouse.” Jace sighs, making Simon laugh next to him, kiss his cheek and promise him he will get it.

Dot wants to reopen her shop, but grander and brighter than before, out in the open for everyone to get to, and Cat wants to keep helping and healing people of every kind.

Lydia would love to go back into law, if they will let her, and Izzy will support her every step of the way, and is undecided otherwise, but they have all the time to figure it out.

Magnus feels perplexed, and looks at everyone talking about their future amazed. They have a future, a free, proper one, now. He has no idea what he’s going to do with his. But he’s genuinely happy for them. 

He freezes suddenly, catching Alec’s eyes, who’s showing him a small, timid smile, and he wonders whether Alec feels similar. It’s a lot to take in.

He’s the first to excuse himself, and Magnus feels a coiling inside his stomach he can’t ignore, soon following after him. Is it time to talk? Should he wait for a while longer? For Alec to make the first step? No, he’s always waited for him to do that, and if Alec isn’t ready, he will say so, and Magnus will accept it, and be patient. 

He can’t help how he feels as if he’s trembling inside as he finds Alec in the lounge room, where Merlin sought some peace and quiet, as well. 

He’s looking out of the window, just like Magnus was the last time, which feels like months ago.

Magnus is sure that Alec has sensed him, the same as he’s been attuned to Alec, but he doesn’t turn, or speak, and before Magnus can drive himself crazy overthinking the why, and what ifs, his mouth pours out the words he hadn’t known have been locked inside him.

“I don’t know if you’ve thought about the possibility of being with other people now that there’s a chance you could be. I wouldn’t stand in your way, because I also want you to be happy. And I don’t know if you could ever be happy with me. Caring for me, becoming responsible for each other, it will be rotten, heavy work sometimes, maybe even all the time. I haven’t even started to deal with most of my issues, I've become too good at flinging them into the abyss inside me, but it won’t stay that way, and what if it’s too much? What if it ruins you, too? I can't pretend that I'm not… traumatised, that my mind isn't damaged in ways, that I need healing, but I don't even know what, or who can give me that, if it's even possible.” 

Magnus feels weirdly out of breath, vulnerable, and fragile, standing there, his arms and heart open, hurt, and torn, but honest, because he can’t be anything else anymore. Pretending is such taxing work, and he needs all of his strength to carve out a new path, a future for himself, and he has to find the courage to seek the help he needs.

Alec’s head moves down, his shoulders too, and Magnus hears him taking a breath, watches him turning around, meeting his eyes, stealing his breath.

“I don’t want to find anyone else, Magnus. Even if I could be with a thousand others, I don’t want any of them. I want… you to want me, this, us.” He takes a few steps closer, binding Magnus to stand still where he is. “But I’m not gonna force you. I won’t set an ultimatum, or make you feel guilty. I want to be there for you, in any way you want me to, because I rather have you in my life, in any way at all, than not.” He takes two more steps, close enough to touch Magnus now, who’s riddled with shivers all over.

“But you must also know that if you decide to give _ us _ a chance, I must warn you that I will love you with all I have, I didn’t only say that because I thought I would die.” Alec’s looking at him, full of understanding, with disarming, pure honesty, bearing his heart, and soul, offering Magnus his all, yet ready to accept much less, for Magnus. 

He cannot offend, betray, or hurt him, believing every word, everything he sees inside of him, never imagining someone could possess such an outright good heart. Such a vigorous, sincere character, filled with such a desire to give love, give his everything, to  _ him. _

Magnus is simply paralysed by the shock. He’s finally fully aware of the meaning and magnitude of Alec’s feelings, intentions, and wishes. And he can’t react, even though he wants to, is trying with all he can to move, speak, anything, but he seems wholly dysfunctional. 

Alec comes closer carefully, kisses his cheek, and hides whatever he must be feeling behind a small, compassionate smile, then steps past him. 

Magnus stares ahead in turmoil, unable to find a clear thought, in complete disarray, until he feels like screaming, and falling apart, but sudden memories distract, and calm him. Jace, Maia, Raphael, Ragnor, Cat, and every one of them. What they have overcome, are still struggling with, but finding ways to live, to be happy, to love, to allow themselves to be loved. 

If they can do it, and they’ve proven it many times to Magnus, without even knowing it, there must be a chance for Magnus, too. And even if that chance is miniscule, letting it slip away will be worse than grasping it, and trying to make it work. And he couldn't think of anyone, doesn’t ever want to find another, who he'd want to love with all that he is, even all the broken parts, but Alec. 

Not because he hopes, or believes Alec can mend him, but because Alec makes him want to mend himself. He owes it to everyone, not least himself, to try. 

He notices himself moving when he’s already in motion, out of the door, after him. “Alec!” He catches him in front of the door to the living-room, forgetting all the words when he’s facing him, his heart pounding as if he were racing, capable of only one thing.

His hands reach for him, cradling Alec’s face, his eyes wide and devastatingly beautiful, before they’re shut, their lips locking, their faces warm as their noses, cheeks, and foreheads touch, a moment’s pause before Alec pulls him so tightly against his own body, he knocks his breath away, kissing him as if Magnus has already given him the world. 

He will try to do his very best, in time. 

~~~

Almost six months later, Maia, Clary, and Raphael are living and working together in a house at the beach, the shelter more popular, and supported by more people than they could have dreamed of. Gretel and her friends and animals have moved very close to them, able to buy a farmhouse that provides a lot more space for the animals, and they’re happy to help each other out. 

Jace and Raphael also decided to check out a therapy group for ex Circle members, Cat got in touch with, and one way or another, everyone’s finding their own ways to cope with their past,  _ gifts _ , and new life, just wanting to wholeheartedly  _ live.  _

Dot, Cat, and Ragnor are living together not far from the shelter, doing exactly what they said they would, and Luke is a regular visitor, writing a novel with Ragnor. 

Izzy and Lydia found a house in the countryside, close enough to Lydia’s new working place, and Izzy’s university, and Jace and Simon found a perfect spot for them, and Jace’s greenhouse, just around the corner. 

They’ve been renovating, decorating, and building so much, they offered to take in some rescue animals themselves, and Gretel was delighted to help them with that. 

Magnus and Alec stayed at the house with Sophie and Merlin for a while, taking things very slow, giving each other space to get used to being together. They talked through many nights, trusting each other with more and more of the things they felt inside, and believed they couldn’t share with anyone. 

They argue rarely, cry together sometimes, find more and more reasons to laugh, and smile, and interests they have in common, little things to make each other happy, and what boundaries not to cross, and most of all, they enjoy being with each other, gradually working through their troubles, both more certain with every day that they want to be together more than anything. 

Some nights, though, all they want is to feel each other, and not a second of those nights is wasted time, their feelings only growing stronger.

Cat set Magnus up with a counselor who is gifted herself, and works with more and more former members of the Circle who have similar experiences, and after a lot of skepticism, trial and error, Magnus is starting to reap the benefits, as he learns to trust her.

Alec wanted to stay close to his family, and Magnus felt the same, so, after deciding they definitely wanted to live together, they were surprised to find a house - in much need of renovation - within an hour of where everyone else lives, which seemed perfect.

They’re all helping each other out with anything, meeting at least twice a week, still work with Luke sometimes, and, most importantly, they’re all finally feeling like they belong.

~~~

Alec looks out of the open window, the first signs of spring in the crisp morning air, the first crocuses blooming in their garden, and Merlin and Sophie are outside, sniffing all the new lovely, or not so, scents in the air, listening to the birds chirping.

He’s smiling, his coffee mug they got gifted from Clary, with drawings of each other holding hands when the mugs stand the right way together, in his hand, his wounds completely healed, just a few scars left, inhaling the warm smell.

He flinches suddenly as hands slide around his middle from behind. 

"Sorry, I forgot." Magnus sounds rueful, taking his hands away, but Alec is quick to place the mug on the windowsill, turns, takes Magnus’ hands, and brings them around himself again, gazing into his eyes. 

"No, keep doing it, and me too, until we get used to it." 

Magnus smiles, and drops a sweet kiss on his lips. "Even if it takes fifty years?“ He looks mischievously at him, batting his lashes in an unspeakably adorable, and alluring way to Alec. 

“Yes.” He leans in for another kiss, but Magnus evades him. "And once we get used to it?“

Alec furrows his brow, thinking a moment, until he comes up with a satisfactory answer. “I'll need at least fifty years to enjoy it.” He smirks and kisses Magnus’ laugh, holding him even closer, deciding that it’s really too early to get out of bed, as he stirs him back towards it, his coffee forgotten.

They’re lying entangled and sweaty in each other’s arms, their not fully recovered breaths, and heartbeats filling the air, two of their hands laced together, caressing each other’s fingers. Quiet times between them are getting more and more comfortable, and cherished. 

“My full name is Alexander Gideon. But you don't have to use it, no one does. I just want you to know these things about me, and learn everything I can about you.” Alec’s mind has wandered far into the future, where they might need to state their full names, one day, maybe, if they ever decided they wanted to.

“Alexander. Wow, no, I like it. I like it a lot.” Magnus looks up at him, his smile, and eyes glowing with golden happiness, and Alec doesn’t really need anything but this, his heart drumming so fast, realising his wish to see Magnus happy is already fulfilled. 

But he will expand it to the rest of their lives, naturally.


End file.
